Quad Blogs

Jack stitches Kate up

I’m already getting teary eyed, or dusty as I like to describe it. It’s really coming to an end. Only two and half hours remain. Tonight, in “What They Died For,” the final pieces were set for the final hours of LOST. It’s an episode that dealt with ideas of fate, purpose and destiny. Threads became tighter in the Sideways. The Island is a living memory, an actual place in the minds of our survivors. The seemingly final hours or day of the Island seems to be nigh. Jacob finally revealed himself to those he had brought to the Island. He told Hurley to bring his friends because The End is near. Let’s begin there.

In Jacob’s final hours, in the night as a fire crackled with the last of Jacob’s ashes, as Jacob awaited to cease from existence and disappear into the world of death, he told Jack, Kate, Hurley and Sawyer why he had brought them to the Island. Jacob was a lonely man. Sure he had all of those Others who followed his orders but he was a lonley man. He was flawed just like the survivors of Oceanic 815. He, too, human and fallible. He made a mistake when he sent his brother into the cave of light because his brother became a pillar of black smoke. This creation could not leave the Island and was trapped in its smokeness, for lack of a better description of the situation. One has thought (allright me since no one comments but still in messageboards this hasn’t been discussed) that the Man in Black was trapped on the Island, seemingly trapped by something Jacob did. He couldn’t left whenever he want when he had a body but the smoke changed everything. He told Sayid that he doesn’t want to die. One wonders: what exactly constitutes freedom for the Man in Black? He assumed the form of John Locke but he is still Smokey. Death is the constant of this show at least in the Island timeline. There is no difference between NotLocke destroying the Island and him leaving the Island. We’ve learned that it only ends one way: death, nothingness. Kate wanted to know why they were chosen and brought to the Island and especially wanted to know what her friends have died for. Contextually, she referred only to Sun, Jin and Sayid but mostly all of their friends have died on the Island; perhaps, for thinkers sake, for the Island. Kate really wanted to know that her friends did not die for nothing. Nothing, nothingness has been a subtle theme this season but it was introduced in “The Substitute,” an episode that presented a true nihilistic world perspective through NotLocke. All three options he presented to Sawyer all, in the end, required that nothing be done. Last week, the mother’s final word was “nothing” after MIB killed her. Damon and Carlton have spoken about water as a key word for the finale. Perhaps they were joking. One never knows with them. Jacob’s Foot submits another key word: nothing and then will gently JUMP cut to the Sideways. Water, Nothing and Sideways. Perhaps I’ll have more to write on this after the finale.

Back to the scene of discussion, Jacob explained the candidacy to those present. He told them he needed someone to replace him as protector of the Source and he needs them to kill his brother. Even Jacob is unsure that The Smoke Monster can be killed. Jacob has represented choice. He told each person he visited in “The Incident” that they had a choice. Jacob told Kate, Jack, Sawyer and Hurley that he wanted them to choose among themselves who wanted to assume the role of protector because he wanted them to choose. Jack stood up and stepped forward. His voice broke when he told Jacob that the job is what he’s supposed to do and that the job is why he thinks he needed, or was destined, to return. Jacob told him “it’s time.” And in the darkness of the Island, with his friends watching on, Jacob passed on his role to Jack. Jack asked him how long he’d be protecting it and Jacob said sincerely and with empathy and sympathy, “for as long as you can.”

The opening scene of “What They Died For” was quiet and mournful. Jack stiched Kate up to prevent her wound from being infected while Sawyer looked out as the wreckage of the submarine washed up on the shore as “Credit Where Credit is Due” played, the iconic song that played as Jack observed the carnage and wreckage of Oceanic 815 in the “Pilot.” The first shot was Jack’s right eye opening, just like in the “Pilot.” Afterwards, after she had been stitched up, Kate and Jack joined Sawyer and Hurley. Kate silently comforted Sawyer, silently telling him not to blame himself for the deaths in the submarine. She rested her head on his shoulder. Jack suggested they go get Desmond from the well. Along the way, Jack mentioned something about the rules to Sawyer. Sawyer openly blamed himself for Sun, Jin and Sayid’s death because he theorized the rules prevented NotLocke from actually killing them and that is true to an extent. Jack only told Sawyer not to blame himself because NotLocke killed them. It wasn’t quite the moment between the two in “Exodus Pt 1″ when Sawyer told Jack about his father in the Sydney bar but I think Sawyer is better for what Jack said.

I felt strong “Dead Is Dead” vibes in the early part of this episode. Recall the presence of Alex in “Dead Is Dead.” Ben went to the basement of The Temple to be judged by Smokey because he felt responsible for his daughter’s death because he chose the Island. It’s an episode that set up what Ben would eventually decided to do in The Foot. Smokey took the form of his daughter and threatened him with death if he did not follow everything John Locke told him. Of course, it was massive manipulation by Smokey. Ben, Miles and Richard reached New Otherton and as they passed through the yard Miles heard from Alex. Richard had buried her body after Ben had left the Island. What she said we do not know only that Alex triggered that devasting grief in Ben and the anger when he saw Widmore again. We also know that Miles chose to run in the jungle and be far far away from Smokey once Zoe radioed in that His Smokeness had returned from Hydra Island. As far as Ben has come in the latter part of season five and the entirety of season six, he has not been able to get past his daughter. It’s unfair to think he would because no parent ever recovers from losing their child. With the word of NotLocke coming, Zoe quickly returned and she and Widmore hid in Ben’s old house. Miles fled. Richard thought he could convince the Monster to leave with him and give the others a chance while Ben was going to wait for him. He expected death but Smokey needed him again. Smokey showed up and demolished Richard and then told Ben that he needed him to kill some people. First: Widmore. Widmore and Zoe had no chance especially Zoe. She made the mistake of speaking to him and her reward was her throat sliced. Widmore had to tell Smokey why he had returned. Apparently, what Widmore told Smokey, is that Desmond is a failsafe (yes yes Desmond and failsafe are forever linked). Ben quickly shot Widmore because Ben didn’t feel he deserved to save his daughter. Ben then asked NotLocke about the more killing thing. Ben seems game. But Ben is also a smart smart dude.

In The Sideways, Ben came to the aid of Locke again when he saw Desmond; however, all he got was his Island memories, his awakening. Desmond told him he wanted to help Locke let go and Ben believed in the purity of the idea and he convinced Locke that something bigger than all of them was in play. Sure Jack told Locke to not mistake coincidence for fate but in this case it is fate. It’s the total opposite of the scene between Eko and Locke in season two and why Eko told Locke to not mistake coincidence for fate. But destiny and fate are in play in the awesome Sideways. As he left school for the day, he ran into Alex. Alex was concerned about his arm and told him that he shouldn’t drive and offered him a ride with she and her mother–Danielle Rousseau (more on her later). Rousseau asked Ben over for dinner as a way to give thanks for everything hes done for Alex. He accepted. After dinner, Ben and Rousseau shared a moment. They were her parents pretty much in the Island. In the Sideways, she looks at Ben as a father figure and admires him because she never had such a figure in her life. Ben choked up after Rousseau told him that. With all of the “Dead Is Dead” references and vibes, I thought Ben’s death was imminent. But no. His story continues.

And the mission of Desmond continues. He turned himself in only to share a cell with Sayid and to be jail neighbors with Kate. His plan: to take them where they needed to be. Hurley met up with him after ANA-LUCIA (Ana Lu-Lu as I call her in my head) set them free for 125,000 dollars. Before they were free, Desmond made Kate and Sayid promise to do him a favor. They promised. Sayid was sent with Hurley (who has ALL of his memories now) and Kate was going with Desmond to the concert that was mentioned by David at the beginning of the episode. The concert where Dr. Chang, Charlotte, Faraday, David’s mother, Miles and probably Sawyer will be. It’s all coming together. I imagine Claire’s been invited too.

And, for good measure, Locke told Jack that he’s finally ready to get out of his chair.

MORE THOUGHTS:

–Oh my GOODNESS is Emilie de Ravin adorable. Holy Smoke Monster did she look as cute as ever in her only scene in the Sideways. Her happiness to be with Jack and his son was so awesome. CLAIRE! I do wonder where she is on the Island. I hope that she is with Desmond. Maybe she’s asking him about that vision of his that never came true. I think she’s cured her own infection and is back to being Claire bear. I hope she meets up with the gang soon and hopefully she doesn’t kill Sawyer.

–We’re going to see the boxes in the outrigger again. Just sayin’ don’t forget about them. Also, I’m merely assuming we’re going to see them again. The first sentence is in no way fact.

–DANIELLE ROUSSEAU! I got teary when I saw her. I know I’m a sap but I’m a sucker for any original season one character. Mira Furlan looked beautiful. It was just great to see Rousseau happy and active in her daughter’s life. So wonderful.

–Jack awoke with a new scar in the Sideways. It’s happened before. What does it mean? Who knows. I imagine we’ll find out in FIVE DAYS when the finale airs. David mentioned that his mother would be at the concert and wanted to make sure his father knew because he doesn’t his dad to act weird. I’m telling you this: if it’s Juliet, it’s going to get dusty. I remember the days of Jack and Juliet. I remember Elizabeth Mitchell and how she portrayed Juliet during those days. I always liked Jack and Juliet together. Of course, I have a feeling Juliet’s final words about going dutch is in relation to Sawyer and that we might see this and it’ll get dusty with that too. I want to see Juliet again! I’m also excited to see how the two timelines reconcile.

–I thought the end of Jacob was very poetic and poignant. He’s the guy who we’ve anticipated meeting since season two and last week we learned he really never had a choice about how his life unfolded. People have criticized Jacob because of the way the show built him up because of what he turned out to be but I was really satisfied with Jacob’s story. I thought Mark Pellegrino was outstanding tonight. He hit the right chord.

–It seems like Richard is dead. Jacob did give him the gift of eternal life so maybe he just got a massive bump on the head because Smokey effing WALLOPED him. Hopefully he’s not dead because Richard’s always been cool. We’ll see.

–Widmore is most definitely dead. Never was a fan. Never will be. Jacob vistited him and convinced him of the error of his hiring Keamy ways. But still, Widmore is a true BLEEP.

–I love the Sideways theme–as in music. Michael Giacchino is amazing and has a lot to do with the specialness of LOST. The music he composes for the show is absolutely amazing. The Sideways theme is just out of this world good.

–I really enjoyed the reappearance of characters who left us in past seasons especially in an episode entitled ‘What They Died For.’ I’ll be honest. I accidentally stumbled upon this title two months when researching Tucker Gates’ IMDB page. He didn’t direct this episode as the damn page said he did. I digress. I’ve never been a big Ana-Lucia fan but I was glad to see her. She had such lousy luck when Michael killed her. It was really a sad death because she realized murder wouldn’t solve anything and then Michael shot her. She was a very sad character and it was a sad death. Perhaps I’ve been too hard on the character. I loved her small appearance and Hurley’s line to her. She’s not coming with the other Islanders though because she’s not ready. Desmond is

–Ben got beat up one last time. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen that.

–Jacob explained the names on the wall as simply that: names on a wall, a form of a list. He had nothing against Kate but she became a mother. He told her she could have the job if she wanted it. After all, he said, it’s just chalk on a wall.

–Seems like we got a confirmation on who inhabited the cabin after Ben said that Smokey had been summoning him. I miss that cabin.

–DL & CC have said in the past that the penultimate episode is really the beginning of the finale and this was a fantastic penultimate episode and a great set up for the series finale.

–Edward Kitsis, Adam Horowitz and Elizabeth Sarnoff wrote the episode and longtime camera operator and director of LOST, Paul Edwards, directed. I wonder why Stephen Williams left the show but Paul Edwards definitely deserved directing the penultimate episode of the season and the series. Eddie and Adam have been with the show since season one and Elizabeth Sarnoff joined the show in season two. I’d like to thank them for all their years working on last. The same goes for Paul Edwards.

–Only one more left. “The End” airs May 23 at 9PM. Before that, you should watch Damon and Carlton present the Top Ten on Letterman TONIGHT. They will be on Kimmel friday night. It will be their last appearance before they go into radio silence. ABC will be re-airing the full Pilot on Saturday night. I’d encourage going back to the very beginning as The End nears. Tomorrow night, Damon and Carlton will be doing a live interview that’ll be aired live in hundreds of theaters across the country. Finally, television wise, the LOST series finale event begins at 7PM EST with a two hour recap. Everyone who gave up on LOST and is returning for the finale should watch the 2 hour finale. Just know you won’t appreciate the end of the show as much as me or any of the fans who have been loyal for six years. As mentioned above, the season and series finale itself starts at 9PM EST. It’s a two and a half hour epic. After the local news, Jimmy Kimmel’s post-LOST finale will air and he’ll be joined by the bulk of the cast. You know I’ll be watching. Holy moly it is really coming to an end.

–As for the remaining days of Jacob’s Foot, I’ve carefully thought about how to handle finale week. After careful thought, I’ve decided to simply write only recaps/reviews/whatever-you-wanna-call it for the final two episodes. Most the reason lies in the fact that my series finale entry/post/whatever-you-wanna-call it will probably cover anything I would have written about in the five days between now and Sunday. It’s going to be an immense entry. The plan is to have it up Monday afternoon along with the final season six LOST rankings as well as the All-Time LOST rankings.

–And it’s finally hitting me that it is ending. There will be no more episodes after Sunday. I’ll really miss the excitement, joy and fun I experience watching an episode and writing one of these. I’ll be re-watching the series for the rest of my life because that’s what I do with television I love but this is how it needs to happen. Damon and Carlton made a very concious decision to end the show three years ago. It’ll be rare if a network show chooses to end their story on their own terms. I doubt it ever happens again. Savor every scene on Sunday. Savor every character interaction. Just savor EVERYTHING in the finale because it only ends once. Also, I’m so excited for the final chapter of LOST. I think it’s going to be absolutely amazing. Remember, the show has never been about answers and never will be. It’s always been about the characters.

I shall return Monday with the final Jacob’s Foot along with final rankings for the season and the series.

TO THE RANKINGS!

THE OFFICIAL LOST RANKINGS

THE TOP 50 ALL-TIME GREAT CHARACTERS RANKINGS LIST

Yes. The official list of characters for the all-time rankings is being released in this very entry. STEVE suggested it be the 50 greatest characters on LOST. I came up with more than fifty and went through an exhaustive process in which I whittled it down to just 50. You’ll see that Lennon did not make the final cut. He’s the only one who was once ranked (I’m pretendingt that we never ranked Zoe) but we had no idea he’d be killed off so quickly. I didn’t really like Lennon and he’s in no way deserving of being ranked with the great characters of LOST. This list consists of every character we’ve ranked (minus Lennon and Zoe of course) and some characters we were never able to rank but have played a huge role in the show’s story. Come Monday, each character will be ranked from 1 to 50. Here is the list:

Jack

Kate

Hurley

Claire

Michael

Walt

Boone

Shannon

Sawyer

Sayid

Rousseau

Sun

Jin

Mr. Eko

Ana-Lucia

Libby

Rose

Bernard

Ben

Desmond

Widmore

Charlie

Tom

Alex

Karl

Juliet

Ethan

Aaron

Nikki

Paulo

Faraday

Charlotte

Miles

Frank

Keamy

Dr. Chang

MIB

Jacob

Mikhail

Ms. Hawking

Dogen

Ilana

Richard

Dr. Arzt

Mr. Reyes

Mrs. Reyes

Christian

Naomi

Penny

Vincent

There is one constant among almost all of us who are either college students or recent grads. One universal and unwavering truth. We like to party. Oh, wait. I’m sorry. That’s more of a movie-generated nonsense stereotype. Also, it was the subject of a different blog. Sorry. I’m still a little giddy after last night’s Flyers victory.

            No, the one thing that we all seem to have in common is that money is tight. We can’t just go blowing it all on Flyers playoffs tickets and Johnny Depp DVDs. We must be cautious and conservative in this harsh economic climate. Or at least that’s what the TV tells me every time I sit on the remote and leave the comfort of GSN for the cold, unflinching reality of CNN. How could two acronyms be so radically different? I mean, they both end in “n!”

            Now, if you’re anything like me (don’t ever admit to such a thing, not even under threat of torture) the biggest threat to your financial wellbeing is your local cinema. As ticket prices soar past $11 and popcorn requires a down payment and at least two major credit cards, these once happy abodes now better resemble a money eating shark. Once it stops taking your money, it will die. Remember though, it is more scared of you, than you are of it.

            These days, the Hollywood Minefield can be quite difficult to navigate. You never know when you’ll accidentally step on a Michael Bay movie. Is it just me or does Scarlett Johansson star in everything these days? I’m not necessarily complaining, but yes, in fact. I am. With all the classic TV shows being turned into movies I fear it is only a matter of time before we get: “From Michael Bay, the director of ‘Armageddon’ and ‘Transformers’ comes- ‘The Golden Girls’ starring Scarlett Johansson. Tagline: You’ll rue the day you crossed them.”

            Here is a travel guide designed to help you spend you hard earned greenbacks on only the highest of quality films this summer.

            “Get Him to the Greek” (June 4)

            Russell Brand reprises his “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” role of wonked out rocker Aldus Snow, which means he essentially plays himself. Jonah Hill also stars as his wrangler, charged with fulfilling the titular task. Brand is always funny. This movie would be worth the money if it were just Brand eating pixie sticks for 90 minutes. Throw in an actually plot and Jonah Hill and oh boy! I’m so on board.

            “Toy Story 3” (June 18)

            The sequel to two of the greatest animated films ever made. What more do you need? Buzz, Woody and the rest of the gang face a bleak future as Andy prepares to leave for college. Even better, my favorite two characters: Rexy and Hamm will be back! From Pixar, the studio that has made essentially every animated movie that matters for the last decade and a half.

            “Despicable Me” (July 9)

            In case you didn’t get enough animation from “Toy Story 3,” a month later comes this film about the world’s greatest super villain as he attempts to steal a certain celestial body while dealing with some unexpected intruders. In case you need more selling, the cast includes Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Will Arnett, Ken Jeong, Mindy Kaling, Kristen Wiig, Russell Brand, Danny McBride and someone called Julie Andrews. Hard to top that. Parents happy, kids happy.  

            “Inception” (July 16)

            Need a break from laughing? Want something a little bit heavier? Well you’re in luck. Christopher Nolan, he directed something called “The Dark Knight” a few years ago, is back and he’s bought with him Leonardo DiCaprio and the girl from those awful TV commercials and “Juno.” The movie’s plot sounds insane, something about dream thievery, but it doesn’t matter what it’s about. All Nolan does is make amazing movies. Look at his track record! “Following,” “Memento,” “Insomnia,” “Batman Begins,” “The Prestige” and that other Batman movie. Most directors who’ve been working in the business for 30 years haven’t compiled that kind of list. In terms of bang-for-your-buck, sure-fire, can’t miss status, you won’t do better than Christopher Nolen’s “Inception.”         

            “Dinner for Schmucks” (July 23)

            Back to laughter. Steve Carell and Paul Rudd reunite for this remake of a French film. Rudd looks to be at his straight-guy best, while Carell plays his hapless foil, who manages to systematically destroy his life after a fateful trick.

Now, if you’re feeling a bit risky, here are some things that might actually turn out to be pretty awesome. Or not. I have no idea.

            “Splice” (June 4)

            “The A-Team” (June 11)

            “Knight and Day” (June 25)

            “Predators” (July 9)

            “The Other Guys” (August 6)

            “The Expendables” (August 13)

And now to our Beard of the Day!

The American Civil War was the golden age of beards. Look no further than the "w" shaped formation sported here by C. Thomas Howell, who played Lt. Chamberlain in the film "Gettysburg." Side burns right into moustache? An American classic!

Vaya con dios.

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Yes, my friends, today is the day. It is the holiest day on the calendar for some folks, while the rest of the world stops to let out a collective Joaquin Phoenix sigh in honor of the misfortune which befell them this day.

            Exactly 23 years ago, I entered the world. Hoozah! And the world has never been the same since or so I’ve been told! All of this mindless, patting-of-myself-on-the-back brings us to this week’s “Names I Wish I Didn’t Know!” Now, typically this feature enables me to take shots at a person who I feel like has gotten unduly famous for whatever reason. Today, since it is my birthday after all, (have you heard?) I plan on doing something a bit different.

            Today’s “Names I Wish I Didn’t Know” contains people who had the audacity, the unmitigated gall and the alarming lack of foresight to be born on the same day as I was. These individuals have forced their way into my special day and I am here to loudly yell “I shall not take this intrusion any longer!” There are 365 days in the year, people. That’s more than enough for everyone on Earth to have their own birthday, if my calculations are correct. And they must be. I have a degree in English, after all. Anyway, here are some of the more egregious offenders.      

Tina Fey 

That’s right. The creator and star of TV’s “30 Rock” and Pennsylvania native was born on the same day as I was. Sure people seem to like “30 Rock,” but remember: her leaving “SNL” opened the door for Seth Meyers to take over. That show has never been the same and Fey is to blame. She created a mildly popular new show by killing an aging yet beloved one. For shame Ms. Fey!  

Frank Capra

The legendary director of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” and “Mr. Deeds Goes to Town.” Please. I directed the occasionally watched internet video “Viva la Burger King.” So, yeah. I’m pretty sure I win.
 

Jack Johnson

Turn on the radio for 15 seconds and there is a 98% chance that you will hear a Jack Johnson song. You won’t know the name of it, nor will it matter. You will have heard it before though. Or at least you think you’ve heard it before. There is an 84% chance that you are confusing it with a different Jack Johnson song and a 68% chance that you are confusing it with a Dave Matthews song.

Pope John Paul II

What did this guy ever do? Spiritual leader to millions of people across the globe? I could do that, I just chose not to.

Lastly… 

Donyell Marshall

The big fish. The greatest NBA TV analyst of this or any generation. If there is one person who I am proud to share my birthday with, it is this man. Touché, Mr. Marshall. You are a great American and the voice of a generation. My only regret is that I don’t know when Marshall Harris’ birthday is. Together, the three of us could provide so much detailed and intelligible information on a topic that the world would collapse on itself.    

            Ok well in the name of full disclosure, I must say that I’m actually not much of a birthday person, which makes the above celebration rather pointless really. I acknowledge that I do, in fact, have a birthday, but that’s where it and I go our separate ways. I like celebrating other people’s days of birth, but would rather just ignore mine completely, if possible. I’m just weird like that I suppose. I apologize to the aforementioned individuals who, of course, have the right to be born on any day that they please. That is with the exception of Jack Johnson, who does not. Take your crappy songs to September, Jack. May doesn’t need you.

            And now to the Beard of the Day!

Lost in all of the talk about how well Scott Hartnell has been playing lately is the fact that he now looks like a complete madman. His beard/ hair combination is the stuff legends are made of. While his play as of late has certainly been worthy of praise, his facial hair is worthy of a statue. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, "The Scott Hartnell."

That’s all for now. Vaya con dios and Go Flyers!

Way back when I was in college, there was one thing and one thing only that mattered to me: drinking myself into a David Hasselhoff-type stupor. Forget classes, extracurricular activities and brain cells. The term party animal doesn’t even begin to cover me. For the last year, if you wandered into my South Campus apartment you would find the craziest, most hip-happening party going down non-stop. Any night of the week, it didn’t matter. Thirsty Thursday? Pishaw. That’s for freshmen or “First Years” as they prefer to be called. I invented both “Wet-Your-Whistle” Wednesday and “Thirsty” Monday. That’s right. Thirsty Monday gets too crazy even for alliteration.

            In no way did I spend my nights quietly doing homework, obsessing over the Flyers and wandering the internet for any sliver of news on the next “Batman” sequel. Nope, that doesn’t sound like me at all…

            Having achieved the self-appointed title of “Party Deity,” I must say that what I’m about to do pains me immensely. I feel like John Hurt eating dinner in space right now, but I must solider on. This must be said. Here it goes…

            Just when you thought American beer companies couldn’t get any dumber or waste any more money on things we don’t need, this happened. I present to you, Miller’s “Vortex” bottle design.

            Yes, my friends. That is a rifled beer bottle. It comes in handy in case you ever need to pour beer into a glass that is a half a mile away from you. Allegedly it releases the flavor of the beer better. No wonder I used to think that Miller tasted like sink water. The flavor hadn’t been released properly!

            I remember seeing commercials for Coors’ “The Mountains Turn Blue When the Beer is Cold” bottle and thinking to myself: “I will never see anything dumber than what I am now witnessing. This is truly rock bottom. The world can only get smarter or end.” Looking back on that day, it is clear that I was mistaken. The world didn’t get smarter and as of this second, it still hasn’t ended. Fingers crossed.

            Please someone explain the logic of needing blue mountains to tell you when your beer is cold? Finally, a beer container for the drunks out there tragically born without a sense of touch! Finally someone is thinking of them! I mean him. You know, Bobby from Nebraska.

            That is, after all, an excellent marketing strategy. Sell your product to one specific person at a time. I’m still waiting for the “Johnny Depp drinks Budweiser and so should you, Colin McGlinchey” ad campaign.

            But now we have a bottle that pours straighter than ever before. It makes me laugh, thinking about how primitive we all were way back when, pouring beer everywhere but the glass. All those hops which died in vain. We will never forget.

            Beer companies, please stop giving the terrorists more reasons to hate us. People all around the world lack even the most basic of supplies. Americans? We need a glass bottle to tell us when it’s adequately cold and we apply firearm technology to our beverage containers.

            How about instead of you tinkering with stuff that no one cares about, you donate all of your Bottle R & D money to cancer research? Or use it to feed starving children in Ethiopia? Or how about you just burn it all? Whatever you do, please put it to better use than you have been. No one needs self-opening cap technology or a beer bottle that recognizes a drinker’s finger prints to prevent you from accidentally swapping spit with your buddy.

            Alright, enough of that nonsense. It’s time for the Beard of the Day!  

Controversial pick today. Even though it's not technically a beard, Johnny Depp's facial growth is like Helen of Troy but with indie hipsters instead of ships. All hail, "The Depp!"

            That’s all for now. I shall return tomorrow with a special Birthday edition of “Names I Wish I Didn’t Know!” Vaya con dios.

You Should See: El Orfanato (The Orphanage)

Directed by Juan Antonio Bayona / Written by Sergio G. Sanchez / From Executive Producer Guillermo del Toro

Plot: A woman, her husband and their young son move into the now abandoned orphanage where she grew up. She intends on fixing up the aging building and turning it into a school for children with disabilities. Soon her son begins to violently act out and she is forced to explore the building’s mysterious and tragic past.

Thoughts: This 2007 ghost story was Spain’s official entrant in the Best Foreign Language Film category of the 2008 Academy Awards and for good reason. It is easily the best genre film made in any country in recent memory. The movie is a perfect example of a horror movie done right. There is only minimal gore, only a handful of “boo” scares and no crazed serial killers, though one character does sport of pretty creepy mask. The movie’s greatest asset is its atmosphere. There is a prevailing feeling of dread blanketing the movie. The movie has the unique ability to scare the crap out of you and then break your heart. Terrifying and utterly beautiful. A rare combination, but “The Orphanage” is both.

For: Fans of “The Blair Witch Project,” “The Others,” “The Devil’s Backbone”

Availability: DVD (duh) and Netflix Instantly Watch

Warning: Do NOT watch at night or alone. I made the mistake of doing both. Bad plan my friends. Also, this movie is subtitled, but don’t let that scare you away. You will be missing out.

I Should See: Schindler’s List (1993)

Directed by Steven Spielberg / Starring Liam Neeson, Ben Kingsley, Ralph Fiennes

Thoughts: Ranked #6 on IMBD.com’s Top 250 Movies of All Time list. Not sure how I made it this far in life without seeing it, but our paths have yet to cross. It won SEVEN Oscars way back in 1994, including Best Picture, Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay. I actually think my father owns this on DVD so I will have no trouble in promptly righting this wrong.

Beard of the Day

Presenting the "Mike Richards" in all its glory. NHL Playoffs are the best time of the beard season. Go Flyers!

Vaya Con Dios.

And just like that, the Flyers and Bruins are knotted at three. I know, I know. I promised that I wouldn’t turn this into a hockey blog and I don’t intend to. This is a blog about life after college and yesterday my life after college centered on a trip to my first ever NHL playoff game. It was most exciting. Sure, my wallet is significantly lighter than it was before the game, but it was well worth it.

            The biggest reason I’d never attended a postseason NHL game before last night is because I’d never been able to justify the expense of going to a one. Not just expense in the monetary sense, either. I knew that if I went and the Flyers lost, I would be devastated. If I was going to have my soul crushed, I would rather be in the comfort of my own home, than be surrounded by 19,000 similarly heartbroken strangers.

            After the Flyers 4-0 win over Boston on Monday night, I had myself a thought. I wanted to be there last night, win or lose. If they won, I would be ecstatic. If they lost, I wanted to be there to help celebrate the season that this team has had. The dizzying ups and the gut-wrenching downs. I described it the other day as “the best bad season” in sports history and this is certainly the truth. I wanted to be there to see this thing through and thankfully, it’s not over yet.

            So that’s how I justified forking out the dough to go last night’s game. Heck, once WCU gets around to mailing me my English degree— or as I like to call it: my license to print money— finances will not be a concern at all.

            As incredible as the game was, the highlight of the night for me occurred when a live shot of injured Flyers goalie Brian Boucher was put up on the big screen. Without a second of hesitation, the entire Wachovia Center was on its feet, screaming “Boosh!” It was an amazing moment. Boosh looked truly touched by this gesture, almost moved to tears. For all the crap Philadelphia fans take, some of it deserved, some of it not, this moment marked the opposite end of the spectrum. Philly can be a tough place to play in, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. All the fans ask is that you bust your butt for them. If you do that, they will love you forever, even if you never win a thing. Everyone loves a winner, but hard work can be just as alluring. Sadly, there won’t be any PTI stories about that moment from last night. The national media won’t pay any attention to it because no idiots were tazed and no small children were vomited on.

            But I’m done with the soapbox. Here’s hoping the Flyers come out on top tomorrow night and cap off this historic ride. I promise, I will try and keep the hockey talk to a dull roar over the next couple of days. Tomorrow I plan on doing a little bit of “You Should See, I Should See.” I’ll recommend a movie to you, my millions… AND MILLIONS… of readers and god-willing some of you will recommend one to me, which I will promptly put in my Netflix queue. Send any suggestions to cmcglinchey17@gmail.com. In the event I receive no suggestions, I will suggest things to myself using IMDB.com’s top 100 ranking.  

            Without further adieu, here is today’s Beard of the Day!

Christoph Waltz first dazzled the world with his Academy Award winning performance in "Inglourious Basterds," and then did it again by sporting this remarkable beard.

            That’s all for today. Go Flyers! Vaya con dios.

Adam Adam and Eve revealed, and not so much Adam and Eve as mother and son who had a very dysfunctional relationship. But it got dusty in The Foot. The story of Jacob, his twin brother and their “mother.” An effective hour of storytelling.

“Across The Sea” is a story about brothers trapped by fate essentially. They had no choice in what they eventually became. They grew up together and loved one another. They looked out for each other. MIB was very hurt when Jacob refused to accompany him to the place where their mother’s people were. Did not Jacob understand he and MIB did not belong his brother seemed to wonder. Their mother spoke with hatred about mankind and how they behaved. MIB echoed those sentiments in this episode when he described them as manipulative and selfish; however, she was just as manipulative. She took away their freedom. As she and Jacob walked to the cave that light emanated from (the source of the Island: life, death, rebirth), she told Jacob that she couldn’t stop his brother. But MIB wasn’t free. He was knocked out. The well he spent years digging because he knew he would be able to find the light underneath the ground was covered up when he awoke with a nasty gash on the back of his head. The camp where he had been living for thirty years was destroyed and the people killed. His mother took away his freedom yet again.

Jacob and his brother were once human. They were born to a woman who crashed on a boat with other people who created a village. They wanted to know what was across the sea. In fact, going across the sea was a major theme throughout the episode. Jacob and his brother didn’t know a world existed outside of their Island. I really should’ve written that Finnegan’s Wake/LOST essay. I digress. We met the crazy mother and boy did she have a screw loose. What she did was take away the free-will of her two children. She did not want her two boys (they of course only became hers after she murdered their mother) to be like men. She told them that it always ends the same. They come. They corrupt. Her son echoed those words in “The Incident” as Jacob enjoyed some fish before MIB rhetorically asked his bro, “do you know how much I wanna kill you?” “I do,” Jacob responded. Well, now we ALL know. It’s because he turned his brother into a pillar of black smoke. I’d be mad too. The war sort of began because of Jacob. He felt unwanted and unloved by his mother. He believed his mother loved his brother more than she loved him. She didn’t deny it. She told him: “I love you both in different ways.” In fact, Jacob believed his mother wanted his brother to become the protector of the Island. Maybe she did. She told him that it was always going to be Jacob; however, before those words, she said “it has to be you.” I interpreted those words to mean “I wanted your brother but now it has to be you. I’ve lost him.” I think Jacob felt it too. The ever-present sadness in his eyes and his demeanor were finally made clear. I felt a level of sympathy for both of the brothers. I felt tremendous amounts of sympathy for Jacob as he became emotional when reminded his brother that the Island is their home. He can’t leave. I felt sympathy for Jacob when thinking about all of the years he spent alone on the Island, protecting it. Like his mother, he seemed to invite the knife into his chest that night in The Foot. His mother thanked MIB for killing her, freeing her from this responsibility. Does Jack really want this job? I digress.

I mostly came away from this episode with a newfound sympathy for Jacob and his brother. Answers have never been very important to me with LOST. I appreciated the character development in this episode and the focus on telling this story about a loony woman and the two boys she raised. We were finally allowed the opportunity to understand why MIB is doing what he is doing. It’s almost a microcosm of the show: people brought to the Island by circumstances beyond their control. Jacob believed in staying. His brother wanted to leave. They were other people that they feared at first. We learned that not even Jacob totally understands what this Island is. His mother either didn’t understand or didn’t want to truly explain the significance of the light. Should it go out, the universe (she claims) will cease to exist, as she implied by saying all lights go out if this light goes out. But I like the mystery that is the Island and that will remain a mystery. I like that it is a place of healing and renewal and rebirth. LOST has always been a show rooted in spirituality. The first season is the most spiritual of the six. It’s a season about rebirth and renewal. Damon and Carlton spoke about how season six is mirroring elements of season six but, perhaps, the most fundamental mirror is the revival of rebirth and renewal. The Sideways seems to be a manifestation of that idea. After all, those who have died live in the Sideways. I digress.

The most emotional scene of the episode took place at the end when realization swept over me. The skeletons were the mother and Jacob’s brother. Jacob lost control of his temper and emotions when he saw that his brother killed the woman who raised them. He dragged him to the Cave of Light. He set him free by sending him down the tree. Their mother warned to never go in. MIB’s body floated in and soon The Smoke Monster emerged. Awhile later, Jacob found his brother’s dead body. He brought him to the Caves where his mother’s dead body lay and he put them together with the bag containing one white stone and one black stone. There was circularity in that moment. To quote Giles from “Buffy,” ‘There’s a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on predestination, one might say.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

More Thoughts:

–MIB created the donkey wheel which would eventually become the frozen Donkey wheel. That scene was fantastic. Titus Welliver was outstanding especially when he hugged his mother and cried.

–Contrary to negative nancys on LOST message boards, there were a plethora of answers yet again tonight. Don’t like them? Oh well. Stop watching for the answers. It’s always going to be about the characters in the end. Damon said it himself: it’s about lost people on a lost island. I’d like to think Monday’s entry was the last of my “stop hating EVERYTHING, fans” rant but maybe this is the last rant. There are now just 2 episodes left. 3.5 hours. If you’re not happy, write a LOST fanfic that answers every question you want. LOST has never been about answers. I think this is the final rant about fans.

–This episode was a nice break from the intensity and darkness of last week’s episode. But you know? I think next week’s episode is going to be very, very dark and intense. Damon said that it’s a dark time on LOST. I’ll believe him.

–Carlton Cuse & Damon Lindelof wrote this episode! I’ve always wanted to ask them about the order of their names in the credits. Sometimes, it’s Damon’s name first. Other times it is Carlton. Do they just switch it up evenly? I’d also like to ask them why writing teams have dominated the writing staff since season three. The last episode written by a single person was season two. Interesting. Also, with just two episodes left, I’ve now just realized Stephen Williams left the show. He was an awesome director. Oh well.

–Tucker Gates, the man who helmed “Ab Aeterno,” directed this one. Mark Pellegrino, Titus Welliver and Allison Janney did a some nice work. And I loved seeing the skeleton scene from “House of the Rising Sun” again.

–Overall, a solid episode of LOST. I became more and more invested as the hour went by. Next week: the penultimate episode of the series. We’re almost there.

TO THE RANKINGS!

THE OFFICIAL LOST RANKINGS

No real decision has been made about the four deaths last week since this episode featured no one from the main cast and it would be unfair to rank archived footage from “House of the Rising Sun.” STEVE suggested doing no rankings for the episode but I had some changes to make so we ranked. MIB moved up to 13 for me and Jacob to 14. Richard’s all the way down at 15 which I’m not a fan of but it’s a numbers game. STEVE switched around Jacob, Locke and Sun. But again, no concrete decisions have been made about the four characters who died last week because of the Sideways. Assume they all stay since we’ve been ranking Locke all season and he’s been dead since the end of season three technically. Anywho, ENJOY!

AFTER EPISODE 15

RANKED: 5/11/2010

CHRIS

1. Jack

2. Desmond

3. Hurley

4. Jin

5. Claire

6. Kate

7. Ben

8. Sayid

9. Locke

10. Sawyer

11. Miles

12. Frank

13. Man in Black

14. Jacob

15. Richard

16. Sun

17. Widmore

STEVE

1. Desmond

2. Jack

3. Man in Black

4. Jin

5. Richard

6. Ben

7. Kate

8. Sayid

9. Frank

10. Sawyer

11. Miles

12. Locke

13. Jacob

14. Sun

15. Claire

16. Widmore

17. Hurley

Remember way back in the summer of 2008? Girls were girls, men were men, gas cost 67 cents a gallon and neighborhoods were so safe that front doors hadn’t even been invented yet. Ahh, the good old days.

            Even better than all that imaginary rubbish was the fact that we were in the land of milk and honey as far as super hero movies were concerned. That year bought with it a stone cold masterpiece in “The Dark Knight” and an heir apparent to the “just fun” throne vacated by “Spider-man” in the form of “Iron Man.” Even “The Incredible Hulk” managed to not suck. It was a time of unbridled prosperity. We thought the good times would never end.

            And then the good times ended. Well, not really ended so much as went on vacation for a year and left Hugh Jackman in charge of the place.

            Thanks to “Iron Man 2,” however, the good times are here again! The bad news is that they got a bit sunburned and they’re a little peeved because their luggage was accidentally sent to Siberia once or twice, but still- welcome back good times!

            Even though it’s not quite as much fun as its predecessor, “Iron Man 2” is a worthy successor. It’s still a bit of escapist, action-packed entertainment. Robert Downey Jr. is still fantastically, unflinchingly cool as playboy billionaire / super hero Tony Stark. The effects are still eye-popping, the supporting cast is still solid, but something just feels off about this installment.

            In it, Tony Stark must contend with interfering government types who are looking to take control of his Iron Man suit, while at the same time fending off corporate rivals and an angry Russian scientist with some patent issues.  

            The common mistake when doing a sequel is to try and do too much. Cram in too many plot points, too many villains, too many explosions, whatever. Instead of getting bigger, the movie just ends up like a major league baseball player in the 90’s: bloated and artificial.

            “Iron Man 2” is sadly not immune to this.  It spend too much time making things bigger and presumably better, while certain crucial plot elements are just glossed over completely. At times you can almost hear screenwriter Justin Theroux saying: “Yeah, I don’t understand this part either. Just go with it and I promise Downey will do something cool in about three pages.”       

             And it almost always works out this way. As with the first one, the strength of “Iron Man 2” rests with its stellar cast. Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow and one of my favorites, Sam Jackson, all return from the original. Joining them at the party this time are Don Cheadle, Scarlett Johansson, Sam Rockwell and best of all: Mickey Rourke.

            Outside of Downey, Rourke’s heavily tattooed, electric-whip wielding, Russian physicist is the best thing going for the sequel. Rourke chews through the scenery, lavishing his villainous Ivan Vanko in all sorts of odd ball ticks and quirks. He loves exotic birds and has a grill that would make most rappers blush and that’s just scratching the surface. Sadly for audiences, there just isn’t enough of Rourke to be found and his climactic battle scene is anything but.      

            In terms of the returning cast, Paltrow does an excellent job with what she’s given, but her character seems to get lost in the shuffle occasionally. If you left before the first film’s end credits finished rolling then you missed Jackson’s Nick Fury completely.  Thankfully he is given a bigger role in the sequel. It is always a good idea to give Sam Jackson more screen time. Always.

            Even returning director Jon Favreau gets bitten by the sequel bug. His bodyguard role gets beefed up considerably with humorous results. Behind the camera, Favreau shows he has a knack for action and visual effects, but his focus always seems to be on letting his actors just go sick. With that cast, who could blame the man? 

            If “Iron Man 2” were a diet, it would be one with too many empty carbs. There’s a lot going on, but once most of it happens, it’s immediately forgotten. This is a problem. There’s certainly fat to be trimmed from its two-plus hour run time. Fat that could be trimmed and replaced with more Mickey Rourke. The middle act bogs down in all sorts of sciencey-mumbo jumbo and the final showdown never really gets of the ground. I mean it does literally, just not figuratively.

            That said, “Iron Man 2” is still a fun trip to the movies. Abundant amounts of action and humor, in addition to a top notch cast and very cool special effects, help it rise above a not-so-great storyline. Make sure you hang around after the credits for a look at what’s up next from Marvel.

Final Grade: B                       

Rewatchability: B+