Quad Blogs

¡Tengo una ardilla en el bolsillo! Hoy es el día sola vez. ¡Hoy es Peliculas con Viernes!

            Yes sirree Bob it is that time of the week were you and I get to talk about movies and occasionally butcher the Spanish language. Honestly, if you can find me one person who doesn’t love doing either one of those things Janice will give you both a crisp new dime. Or a stuffed animal (size: small) of your choosing. Same difference.

            Let’s get on with the Recommendation Section before I go on like that all day.

            You Should See: “Session 9”

            I’m pretty sure most people are familiar with Brad Anderson’s creepy and mind-bending “The Machinist.” Even if you hated the movie, how could you forget Christian Bale’s haunting and literally emaciated performance? Fans of “The Machinist,” would be wise to check out “Session 9,” Anderson’s criminally forgotten 2001 horror film. Set in a sprawling abandoned mental institution, the film follows a team of asbestos eradicators as they work to make the building once again safe for human occupation. Before long, the environment and the dangerous work begin to erode the sanity of the four men. Be warned: stuff won’t jump out at you often and the movie is pretty gore-free so if that stuff is you bag, you might be disappointed. Instead it is a quiet, subliminally scary and very well acted thriller. Sure, many of the twists in “Session 9” no longer seem all that twisty thanks to genre overuse, but that won’t take away from its incredibly macabre atmosphere.

            Sit back, kill the lights and enjoy.     

            Grade: A-

            For Fans of: “The Machinist,” “Fight Club”

            I Should See: “Good Dick”

            I should see this, shouldn’t I? Apologies. I’ve bumped this to next week because I had a date with a snooty French horror director today. More on that later.

            Now it is time once again for the Netflix Supercomputer to transmit us instructions on what movies we should be watching in this weeks Netflix Recommends.

Actual photo of Netflix Supercomputer

            Brace yourself boys and girls and keep your arms and legs inside the blog at all times. Also, don’t feed the Supercomputer. It already has a very balanced diet and we don’t need you people spoiling it with jelly beans and the like.

            Do you love the smell of napalm in the morning? Of course you do! Who doesn’t? You find me one person who doesn’t the smell of napalm in the morning and Janice will give you each a shiny new ten dollar bill or one stuffed animal (size: medium). Same difference.

            Any who, fans of “Apocalypse Now,” Francis Ford Coppola’s stark and unrelenting Vietnam epic take heed! It seems as though you should probably be watching the 1981 version of “Clash of the Titans.” You know, the movie where Harry Hamlin battles all sorts of stop motion creatures in ancient Greece. I don’t know why I never noticed the similarities between those two movies before! All hail the Supercomputer! Wait a minute. Is that a doughnut? Who gave it a doughnut!? Are those sprinkles?! Oh great! Now it’s going to be up all night. Let’s move on.

            That’s right my friends today marked the final battle between myself and the man with the unpronounceable last name, presumably snooty French horror director Alexandre Aja! Today, I saw “Piranha 3-D!” Click here for a run down of our one-sided feud. It’s one-sided because I don’t like him, but he doesn’t know I exist… or does he? 

            Epic. Sadly, I will not reveal my thoughts on the movie which I saw earlier today at a decidedly empty 2 p.m. show. You will have to tune in on (¡)Big Reveal Monday(!) to find out if Aja finally won my heart or if he just ended up driving me even further into the arms of another man.

            This man.

            Yes sir. Moving right along to our newest feature here on ¡Peliculas con Viernes! It’s time for ¡Desert Island Essentials!

               The basic premise of this is very simple. I’m going to strand you on a desert island. Don’t ask why, just trust me. You’re going and I don’t want to hear anymore about it. Look, you knew what you were in for when you started reading this blog. You knew that there was a pretty good chance you’d end up stranded on a desert island. I made that very clear to you way back when.

            So, you’re going to this island, but I am not a cruel hostage taker. While there will be NO monkey butlers on this island, I have provided you with a solar-powered DVD/TV combo made exclusively out of coconuts and bamboo. Before I put you on board the boat which will eventually crash on the shores of that wretched island, I will permit thee to bring three movies along to watch until/if you’re rescued.

            Of course, you can’t just bring any old movies. There must be a theme and this week’s theme is Johnny Depp! Here are my suggestions for you in no particular order. Remember, these aren’t just the best Johnny Depp movies, but also the ones that you can stand to watch over and over again.                  

            Desert Island Essentials: Johnny Depp Edition

Sleepy Hollow

             A nice infusion of fall into your seemingly never-ending summer landscape. After all, why would you watch “Pirates of the Caribbean” when you’re actually living it? “Sleepy Hollow” is the ultimate Halloween movie and, if you’re anything like me, that is your favorite holiday so there you go! Who wouldn’t want to be reminded of their favorite holiday? You find me one person who wouldn’t want to be reminded of their favorite holiday when stranded on a desert island and Janice will give the both of you a blank check or one stuffed animal (size: large). 

Benny and Joon 

            You’re going to need a few laughs while you’re alone and this kooky, offbeat comedy should do just the trick. Heck, while you’re stranded you can practice some of Depp’s vaudeville moves. There could be a brand new career waiting for you when/ if you get back!

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

You may be contemplating utilizing some strong drink or mind altering drugs in order to survive your time on the island. Sadly for you, my island rests inside of a school zone and both of those things are not welcomed. The D.A.R.E. lion on the boat will strictly enforce those restrictions. This movie is quite possibly the next best thing to actually doing drugs. Depp, Terry Gilliam and Hunter S. Thompson all blended together in one movie? It has to be seen to believed.

            So there you have it. Desert Island Essentials! Feel free to share your own Johnny Depp list in the comment section and we’ll try some different variations of this out in the upcoming weeks, months and years. Well, I will. You’ll be on that island! So get to stepping!

            On to this week’s Scene of Mystery!

What can it be?

            Correctly naming the movie depicted in the Scene of Mystery will earn you a dump truck (size: average) full of Janice’s stuffed animals. An incorrect guess will result in cold and unyielding punishment. If you think I’ll yield eventually, you are sorely mistaken. I’m unemployed after all. Nothing but time on my hands, no need to yield.

            Off to the Beard of the Day!

He played the coolest high schooler to ever live in "Boy Meets World" and now he's finally conquering the big screen! Ladies and gentlemen, the star of"Piranha 3-D," the "Griff" err I mean "Adam Scott!"

            That’s all for today. Thanks for stopping by, go Phillies and have yourself a safe and productive weekend. Never yield my friends! Vaya con dios.

Image Credits: Isaiah Mustafa , ENIAC, Netflix logo, island, coconut, Scott

Last night, my playstation 2 went into a coma. I bought the system with my 8th grade graduation money in the summer of 2001. This morning, I officially declared the console dead. Nine solid years without any problems until recently. I stated, in the past, that my video game career ends when the PS2 ended. Will I stay true to my word? Let’s talk TV.

Today is the final day of looking at new shows debuting this fall on various networks. NBC is the only day split into two parts because they had six new shows and I needed to save material for today. In case anyone forgot, I am evaluating each show based on trailers and premises to determine if an individual show will crack my weekly review rotation. At the end of the entry, I will list every confirmed series that I’ll review along with those on the bubble. Here we go:

Outlaw

Premiere Date: September 15, 2010 at 10PM

Creator: John Eisendrath

Premise: (From NBC Press Release) Starring Emmy Award winner Jimmy Smits (“NYPD Blue,” “The West Wing”), “Outlaw” is a new drama from executive producer John Eisendrath (“Alias,” “Felicity,” “Playmakers”). Cyrus Garza (Smits) is a U.S. Supreme Court justice who abruptly quits the high-level position. A playboy and a gambler, Garza had always adhered to a strict interpretation of the law until he realized the system he believed in was flawed. Now that he’s quit the bench and returned to private practice, he’s determined to represent “the little guy” and use his inside knowledge of the justice system to take on today’s biggest legal cases — and he’s making plenty of powerful people unhappy along the way.

Thoughts: This show earned the Friday Night death slot. Barely any shows survive a Friday night time-slot. I wondered why. I saw the list of executive producers. Conan O’Brian is an executive producer. I’ll assume that is the answer. This show comes from his Conaco productions. I think NBC is still bitter about completely screwing up the late-night lineup and, naturally, want to take it out on the poor guy who only accepted a promotion. I digress. Outlaw is a show I feel like I’ve seen a million times. I expected Conan’s company to produce a show that isn’t so generic. Each episode will have an individual case that Smits’ character will either lose or win in the last second or there will be grey area that will result in generic sad/emotional music. The group Smits’ character assembled will probably function like the team in Bones or House. They’ll get the job done and, on the side, there will be sexual tension. One of the characters will no doubt clash with Smits’ methods while another character will be mentored by Smits. The pretty blonde, who Smits says he only hired for her looks, will become the most integral member of the team. Network television is cluttered with these types of shows. I have zero interest in Outlaw.

Chance Of Weekly Review: 0%

Outsourced

Premiere Date: September 23, 2010 at 9:30PM

Creator: Ken Kwapis

Premise: (From NBC Press Release) “Outsourced” is a comedy where the Midwest meets the exotic East in a hilarious culture clash. The series centers on the all-American company Mid America Novelties that sells whoopee cushions, foam fingers and wallets made of bacon — and whose call center has suddenly been outsourced to India.

Thoughts: Outscored looks awful. I think Kwapis needs to take the Multiculturalism course I did last fall. This is the show that bumped Parks and Recs to mid-season. Critics aren’t fans of the show. A common word attached to the show is racist. Dan Fienberg, a critic at hitfix.com, says the show isn’t racist, rather, the show is xenophobic. Fienberg thinks the show is just ignorant of the different castes, races and ethnicities that exists in a diverse country such as India. He then adds that the show is probably very, very lazy. I’ll agree. The 4 minute preview is awful and the writing hasn’t received great reviews.

Chance Of Weekly Review: 0%

Undercovers

Premiere Date: September 22, 2010 at 8PM

Creator: J.J. Abrams & Josh Reims

Premise: (From NBC Press Release) Acclaimed writer/producer/director J.J. Abrams (“Star Trek,” “Fringe,” “Lost,” “Alias”) serves as co-writer, executive producer – and also directs – his first direction of a TV series pilot since “Lost” in “Undercovers” with executive producer/writer Josh Reims (“Brothers and Sisters”). “Undercovers” is a sexy, fun, action-packed spy drama that proves once and for all that marriage is still the world’s most dangerous partnership. Outwardly, Steven Bloom (Boris Kodjoe, “Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion,” “Soul Food,” “Resident Evil: Afterlife”) and his wife, Samantha (Gugu Mbatha-Raw, “Doctor Who,” “Bonekickers”), are a typical married couple who own a small catering company in Los Angeles and are helped by Samantha’s easily frazzled younger sister, Lizzy (Jessica Parker Kennedy, “Smallville”). Secretly, the duo were two of the CIA’s best spies until they fell in love on the job five years ago and retired. When fellow spy and friend Nash (Carter MacIntyre, “American Heiress”) goes missing while on the trail of a Russian arms dealer, the Blooms are reinstated by boss Carlton Shaw (Gerald McRaney, “Deadwood”) to locate and rescue Nash. The pair is thrust back into the world of espionage as they follow leads that span the globe — and Steven and Samantha realize that this supercharged, undercover lifestyle provides the excitement and romance that their marriage has been missing.

Thoughts: I think J.J. Abrams has developed a show for every network besides CBS. I already feel bad for co-creator, Josh Reims, because he will be ignored should the show hit with audiences. For awhile, J.J. Abrams received all the praise during the first season of LOST though Lindelof ran the show himself for six episodes before Carlton Cuse joined the show and co-ran it. I don’t get too excited for Abrams’ show. I watched the Pilot of Fringe when it aired. I didn’t like it. I barely watched Felicity and Alias. Undercovers hasn’t captured my interest because I never cared for spy fiction. As this is an Abrams show, the characters will be central to the series so I expect the two leads to be great. The spy stuff will exist to illuminate elements of the two main characters–most notably, their marriage. I’m going to watch the pilot to see how Abrams’ return to television directing went. Bryan Burk, longtime executive producer of LOST, is an EP on the show. I’ll probably keep watching. Not sure about reviews.

Chance Of Weekly Review: 53%

Allright. The shows are listed and have been discussed throughout the week. It is time to list the actual review rotation followed by the list of bubble shows. I feel like Joe Lunardi.

THE WEEKLY REVIEW ROTATION

No Ordinary Family (which debuts September 28)

The Walking Dead

Hellcats

The Event

THE BUBBLE SHOWS

Detroit 1-8-7

Terriers

Undercovers

Raising Hope has been crossed off the bubble because the show is getting extremely poor reviews. I think I can handle four shows.

Now that the rotation has been set, it’s time to preview what’s upcoming in The Foot.

Yes, the final season of LOST on DVD hits the shelves on Tuesday. Naturally, I’ve made sure I’ll have the DVD the day of the release. Jacob’s Foot returns for the final run on Monday. The duration of this run is undetermined. I’ve thought about a name change for the final LOST run. Instead of Jacob’s Foot, it’d be a suitable name that invovles the character of Jacob. I won’t reveal it until Monday.

So, in the upcoming week, plenty of reviews for bonus content on the LOST season six DVD including the last review I’ll ever write for LOST original content (“The New Man In Charge”). Weekly Man vs. Wild reviews will continue because I enjoy writing about the show. Don’t expect The Quotes section to return in the near future. Non-LOST content will definitely begin September 8th when I write my first Hellcats review.

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

My friends, we are less than a week away from the start of the 2010 Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage tournament. It is now time to learn the names of the prehistoric celebrities who will be participating in this epic throw down. Remember, the winner of this single elimination tournament will receive ONE MILLION dollars worth of multicolored hooded sweatshirts courtesy of Janice Redington, as well as bragging rights and a possible title shot at SummerSlam!    

• Rex

• Claim To Fame: The adorably shy and clumsy Tyrannosaurus Rex plastic toy star of the much loved “Toy Story” franchise
• Prehistoric Celebrity Grudge Match Record: 2-0-0
• Chances of Winning (Provided by gambling enthusiast and noted film producer Drake Stone): 2-1

• Rudy

• Claim to Fame: The main villain in the worldwide smash hit “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs,” Rudy is an albino Baryonyx who famously did battle with Simon Pegg’s one-eyed weasel character   
• PCGM Record: 0-1-0
• Chances: 80-1

• Little Foot

• Claim to Fame: Apatosaurus star of “The Land Before Time” film series, which has reached a grand total of 13 entries. Worked with both Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas in the late 1980’s.
• PCGM Record: 0-0-0
• Chances: 75-1

• Raptor (Jurassic Park)

• Claim to Fame: Took out BOTH Sam Jackson and legendary Australian naturalist Robert Muldoon in the first “Jurassic Park” film. Nearly ate several main characters, but was interrupted by a meddling T-Rex. Also, could open doors.
• PCGM Record: 0-1-0
• Chances: 20-1

• Earl

• Claim to Fame: A Megalosaurus who starred in the beloved Michael Jacobs produced 90’s sitcom “Dinosaurs.” Famously bought about an ice age in the show’s finale, which of course, ended the dinosaurs’ collective time on Earth.
• PCGM Record: 1-0-0
• Chances: 30-1

• Baby Bop

• Claim to Fame: Barney’s Triceratops sidekick on the long running children’s TV show “Barney and Friends.”
• PCGM Record: 0-1-0
• Chances: 250-1

• Rexy

• Claim to Fame: Lovable T-Rex skeleton which inhabits the American Museum of Natural History in the “Night at the Museum Films.” Comes to life each night and acts like a frisky puppy, frequently playing fetch with night watchman Larry Daly (Ben Stiller).
• PCGM Record: 1-0-0
• Chances: 25-1

• T-Rex (Jurassic Park)

• Claim to Fame: Took out the scummy lawyer, a goat, a Gallimimus and a car in the original “Jurassic Park” film. Also, bested the raptors in a handicap match near the movie’s conclusion.
• PCGM Record: 1-0-0
• Chances: 15-1

• Trixie

• Claim to Fame: This toy triceratops co-starred with Rex in the highest grossing film of the year, “Toy Story 3,” alongside some other minor characters.
• PCGM Record: 2-0-0
• Chances: 10-1

• Compy (Jurassic Park 2)

• Claim to Fame: This little guy and his pals attacked a young girl and her family over some roast beef sandwiches during the opening sequence of “The Lost World: Jurassic Park.”
• PCGM Record: 0-0-0
• Chances: 300-1

• Baby

• Claim to Fame: One of the most popular characters from the 90’s sitcom “Dinosaurs,” Baby is an unknown species of dinosaur. He is best remembered for his numerous witty catchphrases (“I’m the baby!” “Not the mama!”) and for beating his father, Earl, over the head with a frying pan.
• PCGM Record: 1-0-0
• Chances: 3-1

• Barney

• Claim to Fame: Host of the children’s TV show “Barney and Friends.” Wrote and recorded the hit song, “I Love You, You Love Me,” which was later covered by Slipknot.
• PCGM Record: 0-2-0
• Chances: 105-1

• Spinosaurus (Jurassic Park 3)

• Claim to Fame: Wreaked all sorts of havoc in the underwhelming “Jurassic Park III.” Killed a T-Rex and supplanted it as the franchise’s number one villain after a vicious jungle battle.
• PCGM Record: 0-0-0
• Chances: 17-1

• Dino

• Claim to Fame: Flintstone family’s pet “Snorkasaurus” in the classic TV series “The Flintstones.” Like Rexy, he is prone to dog-like behavior.   
• PCGM Record: 1-0-0
• Chances: 40-1

• Raptor (Jurassic Park 3)

• Claim to Fame: Sported nifty green Mohawks and improved communication abilities in “Jurassic Park III.” Someone stole one of their eggs, I think, and that was a big problem for everyone.
• PCGM Record: 0-0-0
• Chances: 85-1

• Mystery Contestant

• Claim to Fame: Unknown
• PCGM Record: Unknown
• Chances: Flip a coin?

            Here’s is your OFFICIAL and mildly collectable 2010 Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage tournament bracket!

Click to Enlarge

            Lastly, here is today’s Beard of the Day! 

Dashing, thy name is Clooney. Ladies and gentlemen, the "George Clooney."

            That’s all for now. Vaya con dios! 

Image Credits: Rexy, T-Rex (Night at the Museum), Trixie, Barney, Little Foot, Baby Sinclair, T-Rex (JP 1), Spinosaurus, Raptor (JP 1),  Earl Sinclair, Baby Bop, Rudy, Dino, Raptor (JP 3), Compy (JP 2), Mystery Contestant, Clooney

No, Bear did NOT kill and skin a crocodile.

A new episode of Man Vs. Wild aired last night on Discovery. For the second week in a row, Bear was located in the Pacific Rim. Specifically, he was in Northern Australia where the biggest threats are saltwater crocs. The episode started slow but the second half-hour picked up with intensity when Bear navigated croc waters. As usual, here are highlights from the episode:

-An episode of Man vs. Wild either ends or begins with Bear chasing a plane, a boat or human beings for rescue or take-off. This episode opened with Bear running after a plane that would fly him to a safe altitude so he could jump into the pre-historic Australian land. He always catches up with the plane but such an opening is so over-the-top and ridiculous; with that said, it’s always awesome. When Bear jumped from the plane, he made sure he did some flips in the air.

-His biggest challenge during the first 30 minutes was the difficult terrain that eroded through the years. At one point, he held onto dear life after rocks gave away as he tried to journey to lower ground. He then told the viewers that a backup plan is always handy.

-Northern Australia is a hot place. The first words out of Bear’s mouth concern the heat and the humidity. He talks about the importance of hydration in an environment like the one he currently is a part of. Early on, Bear finds a shady cavern with rain water. Bear builds a natural filter using grass, coal and his jacket. After pouring the dirty water into his filter, clear water emerges into his cup.

-The trademark survival dining was on the menu again after a rare week when Bear enjoyed the food he had to eat. Bear found a small body of water. He feared crocodiles but became calm after realizing it was shallow. Bear spent about a minute pouring water on himself because of the heat. He talked about the life forms swimming in a shallow body of water. Naturally, Bear’s first target was a large water snake. He caught the snake easily. As he held the snake, he told a story about the Aboriginal women who simply broke a snake’s neck with their teeth. Bear bites and breaks the snake’s neck. I’ll admit to feeling pity for the snake but that is life in the wilderness while trying to survive.

-Bear Grylls makes starting a fire look so easy that even I think I could do it within four minutes. He’s also a pro with makeshift beds.

-Soon enough Bear entered croc territory. Like last week with the sharks, I was on the edge of my seat. Bear noticed one in-land and warned the viewers never assume safety when the land you’re in is populated with over 100,000 crocodiles.

-He needs to cross various rivers because he wants to make it to the coast where humans live. First, he manages to climb over croc waters. Afterwards, he knows he’ll need a mode of transportation. He builds another raft. The raft is better than last week’s. Instead of describing what happens, YouTube can show you:

-After the fun with flesh-eating crocodiles, Bear enters maze-like terrain where he uses a stick so he doesn’t walk in circles. He’s been through a similar situation so not much happens. He eventually finds human footprints and a fisherman, thus ending his adventure in Northern Australia.

Overall, a quality episode of Man Vs. Wild. I remember Survivorman gave the viewer the illusion of danger even though Les Stroud never came close to any large predators like sharks or crocs. I recall his encounter with the jaguar though. By far, the most exciting moment in Survivorman. But this season of Man Vs. Wild is all about Bear coming face-to-face with large, dangerous predators. It’s essentially the illusion of danger as well because Bear will never get hurt but it’s different.

NEW SHOWS FROM NBC FOR 2010-2011 SEASON

Now the time has arrived to dive back into assessing/previewing the new shows on the schedule for NBC. This is the fifth and final network but there is a chance that I will break NBC into two days because they a decent amount of new series. As always, I’m evaluating which shows will crack The Foot’s weekly review rotation. Here we go:

Chase

Premiere Date: September 20, 2010 at 10PM

Creator: Jennifer Johnson

Premise: (From NBC Press Release) “Chase” is a fast-paced drama from Emmy Award-winning executive producer Jerry Bruckheimer (“CSI” franchise, “The Amazing Race,” “Pirates of the Caribbean” films) and executive producer Jennifer Johnson (“Cold Case”) that drops viewers smack into the middle of a game of cat-and-mouse as a team of U.S. marshals hunts down America’s most dangerous fugitives.

Thoughts: I read the premise and thought the show wouldn’t capture my attention or interest. Of course, I watched the trailer. I am now intrigued. The show looks entertaining. The lead, Kelli Giddish, seems great and the show seems like it has substance. Jennifer Johnson is the creator. She wrote for LOST during the first season. I hold the group of writers responsible for the first season of LOST in high regard. The fugitive featured in the trailer seems like a great character. I’m expecting a top-notch pilot; however, I wonder how the show will be on a week-to-week basis with presumably different fugitives each week. I’ll lose interest if the show resembles Criminal Minds or CSI or Bones. We’ll see.

Chance Of Weekly Review: 45%

The Event

Premiere Date: September 20, 2010 at 9PM

Creator: Nick Wauters

Premise: (From NBC Press Release) “The Event” is an emotional, high-octane conspiracy thriller that follows Sean Walker (Jason Ritter, “The Class”), an Everyman who investigates the mysterious disappearance of his fiancee, Leila (Sarah Roemer, “Disturbia”), and unwittingly begins to expose the biggest cover-up in U.S. history. Sean’s quest will send ripples through the lives of an eclectic band of strangers, including: newly elected U.S. President Martinez (Golden Globe nominee Blair Underwood, “Dirty Sexy Money”); Sophia (Emmy Award nominee Laura Innes, “ER”), who is the leader of a mysterious group of detainees; and Sean’s shadowy father-in-law (Scott Patterson, “Gilmore Girls”). Their futures are on a collision course in a global conspiracy that could ultimately change the fate of mankind. Ian Anthony Dale (“Daybreak”) and Emmy winner Zeljko Ivanek (“Damages”) also star in the ensemble drama.

Thoughts: I already dislike the arrogance of the producers behind this show. This is definitely a show in the style of LOST. Many shows, in the past, wanted to be LOST and failed miserably because networks and showrunners don’t seem to understand what made LOST work for six seasons. Nick Wauters, the creator, wants the audience to trust that the show knows what it’s doing. If this show is largely built around mythology and ignores its characters, The Event is going to fail. Quotes from TCA involved some form of attack on LOST. Not cool. The pilot got a huge response at Comic Con but no one knows what The Event is. Wauter says he spent five years crafting the show. But, really, don’t compare your show with LOST. Remember when Tim Kring brought everyone Heroes with promises that he’d never mirror the style of LOST? Well, Tim Kring and his staff wrote about 13 good episodes before the series became bad then worse then terrible then awful then cancelled. Do not insult THEE show that made it possible for copycats to make it on the air. I’m going to watch this show though. I’m also going to review the show. I will be ready at all times to defend LOST. I’m a tiny voice on the large internet but if the show continues its arrogance, I will rant and criticize.

Chance Of Weekly Review: 100%

Law & Order: Los Angeles

Premiere Date: September 29, 2010 at 10PM

Creator: Dick Wolf

Premise: (From NBC Press Release) The new “Law & Order: Los Angeles” is a procedural crime drama that will follow the theme and storylines similar to the “Law & Order”-brand series on the streets of Los Angeles.

Thoughts: I watched one full episode of a Law and Order series. I believe it was the Criminal Intent spinoff. The show featured Emily Vancamp as a guest star. I think she’s great. I don’t care for L&O though. Never have. I only included it to let potential viewers know about the new spinoff.

Chance of Weekly Review: 0%

Thus ends Part 1 of NBC. Tomorrow is the conclusion of NBC and I’ll have the complete rotation set. Three more shows tomorrow.

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

             All aboard boys and gulls because the Dinosaur Wednesday boat is leaving the dock and heading out to open water! I can’t promise you that no one will be eaten by sharks upon our arrival. What I can promise is that our time there will be infinitely more entertaining than the movie “Open Water.” Should have called that movie “Closed Eyelids” because it put me to sleep. 

    Ba Dum Chi!

            That’s Norman, the new Dinosaur Wednesday drummer. He likes telling long rambling stories and taking time to enjoy the finer things in life. Don’t get in a car with him though. He’s a bit of a drinker…

            Well, look at that. We’ve got a boat AND a drummer. Dinosaur Wednesday is kind of a big deal. 

            How about we get to this week’s Outstanding Dinosaur Award? This award is given to dinosaurs who have made “an especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of dinosaurs, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.” Ladies and gentlemen, this week’s Outstanding Dinosaur is… 

Click to Enlarge

            The Ankylosaurus! Yet another herbivore takes home the Outstanding Dinosaur Award. Perhaps I’m truly a closeted vegetarian after all. Ah well. Let me finish eating these bacon wrapped chicken fingers and I’ll get back to you. Bacon and chicken don’t count as meat, right? Show me show love Norman! 

Ba Dum Chi!

            Let’s take a look at some fascinating facts about the Ankylosaurus courtesy of the prestigious science website EnchantedLearning.com. 

• Height: 4 feet
• Length: 25-35 feet
• Width: 6 feet
• Weight: 3-4 tons
• Had thick plates embedded on its back along with two rows of spikes
• Even its eyes were protected by plates
• Underside was the only part which was vulnerable to attack
• Club-like tail
• Lived in the late Cretaceous Period, about 70-65 million years ago
• Low intelligence
• Lived in Western USA and Canada (USA! USA! and Canada… USA!) 

            And so there you have it. The Ankylosaurus, this week’s Outstanding Dinosaur! 

            Now it’s time to take a peak inside of the PCA Steel Cage to see what’s brewing in this week’s Prehistoric Celebrity Grudge Match! 

Click to Enlarge

            What the dickens? Well, it appears that the algorithm is still on its feng shui kick. It seems to have installed a Japanese Rock Garden inside of our Steel Cage for meditation purposes. It is a lovely rock garden I must admit, but where are our prehistoric celebrities? How can there be massive, laughably elaborate carnage without the prehistoric celebrities? Hang on a minute. I’m receiving a transmission from the algorithm. Let me just run this through the official PCA Binary Translator and see what’s going on. 

            Aha. Well, that is spectacular news! Ladies and gentlemen, the algorithm has just informed me that there will be NO Prehistoric Celebrity Grudge Match this week! Why is that spectacular news? Well, it means that the celebrities will have the week off to train because next Wednesday marks the beginning of the official Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage! That’s right! 16 Prehistoric Celebrities in a single-elimination tournament. The winner will receive ONE MILLION DOLLARS worth of multicolored hooded sweatshirts courtesy of Janice Redington, as well as bragging rights amongst his/her fellow celebrities. And maybe a title shot a ”SummerSlam,” I haven’t decided yet.  

            There can only be ONE King of the Steel Cage. The tournament begins next Wednesday!         

            What momentous news! I’m literally trembling with both anticipation and fear. The definition of epic has just been altered on Dictionary.com to include this tournament. But wait! There’s more! Now it’s time for the ‘Jurassic Park’ Clip of the Week! 

            I realize that today was supposed to be the debut of the Ask A Dinosaur feature. Sadly, due to some unexpected problems involving a yard sale, this will have to be postponed until next week. Wow, next Wednesday’s Dinosaur Wednesday is shaping up to be pretty awesome. This one… well. Sorry. What do you say we end this thing in style with a brand new Beard of the Day! 

Who needs brick and mortar when you have facial hair? Ladies and gentlemen, the "Elmar Weiser!"

            Thanks for stopping by and check in tomorrow for a collectable (you can collect it if you want, I wouldn’t) Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage tournament bracket! Get one before they become extinct! How about it Norman? what, no love? Yeah, you’re probably right. 

            Vaya con dios! 

Image Credits: Norman, Anky diagram, Anky 2, rocks, beard

Hello webby readers!

School has started again, and the new semester has already brought on ludicrous amounts of homework, sleep-deprivation, and [the most important]:
ENTERTAINING ANTICS IN THE QUAD NEWSROOM!

We laid out our second issue of the semester this past Sunday [distributed on Tuesday due to the Labor Day holiday] – and of course, ridiculousness ensued.

Here’s one of the end results from this week’s newsroom banter:
“I was looking for a way to lead into male genitalia,”  -Chris Monigle, Entertainment Editor.  

Now, what raunchy conversation could Chris had been involved in to lead to this statement?
Actually, this was simple newsediting - trying to find a way to censor a statement made in an article about….well, male genetalia. It’s amazing how something like phrase exchange can manage to make a statement like that so… uninteresting.

Space-fillers/newswriters

new e-mail system

new papercut

Facebook FanCheck

At the 2010 upfronts, The CW’s motto was “Everything Old Is New Again.” I have no idea what those words should mean. Does it mean they are re-making old movies or television shows? Essentially, yes. I kept thinking of a “If It Isn’t Broken, Don’t Fix It” motto for the network. No, The CW isn’t successful but the network didn’t suffer any huge losses, and they’ve found some successful shows like Gossip Girl and The Vampire Diaries; however, the network has a number of veteran shows on the schedule that will leave the airwaves in May. One would think the network would devote more time to developing new shows. There is always the upcoming developmental season. The CW features three new shows for the 2010-2011 season. Is that a smart business plan for a small network like The CW? I understand NBC developing many new series because NBC is a sinking ship. The CW is either supremely confident in their new shows or prepared to give One Tree Hill a 17th season.

As for FOX, the other network in the spotlight today, the network seems smarter now than eight years ago when they cancelled every quality show as fast as possible. They have solid hits with House, Bones, The Sunday Animation Lineup, Glee and Hell’s Kitchen. Critics seem pleased with the new shows FOX developed for the fall season. Plus, they brought back the Arrested Development guys this season. I am optimistic about a FOX show getting the review treatment here.

Let us dive into the world of The CW, a channel I haven’t watched in five years. FOX will follow.

THE CW

Hellcats

Premiere Date: September 8, 2010 at 9PM

Creator: Kevin Murphy

Premise: (From The CW Press Release) HELLCATS is a coming-of-age story about Marti Perkins, a young, pre-law student at Lancer University in Memphis, Tennessee. Marti is cool, hip and alt, but her world flips upside down, literally and figuratively, when she loses her scholarship, and realizes the only way she can stay in school is by reigniting her dormant teen gymnastic skills to win a place on Lancer’s legendary cheerleading team, The Hellcats. Against her every instinct, Marti goes for it and makes the squad, and is thrust into a world of camaraderie, backstabbing and the intersection of sports, backroom academia and big money. Marti’s new roommate, Savannah Monroe, a petite, peppy Texan, is among the diverse cast of athletes, undergrads, family and friends, all set on the sprawling campus of a powerhouse college football program in the deep South.

Thoughts: I watched the 6 minute sneek peak that is linked above. I did enjoy the  attractive girls dancing in cheerleading outfits. I think the lead actress, Aly Michalka, has potential. The entire show seems like a cross between Glee and Bring It On. I’m not the biggest Glee fan nor the biggest fan of Bring It On. I think I can accurately predict every beat of the season as well. But you know what? The Foot needs a hook and this is a harmless 42 minutes television. I don’t think any professional television critic will touch this show on a weekly basis so I will take one for the team and REVIEW this every week. I reserve the right to opt out of the weekly review at any time though.

Chances Of Weekly Review: 100% (yes I lost my mind)

Nikita

Premiere Date: September 9, 2010 at 9PM

Creator: Craig Silverstein

Premise: (From The CW Press Release) When she was a deeply troubled teenager, Nikita was rescued from death row by a secret U.S. agency known only as Division, who faked her execution and told her she was being given a second chance to start a new life and serve her country. What they didn’t tell her was that she was being trained as a spy and assassin. Ultimately, Nikita was betrayed and her dreams shattered by the only people she thought she could trust. Now, after three years in hiding, Nikita is seeking retribution and making it clear to her former bosses that she will stop at nothing to expose and destroy their covert operation. For the time being, however, Division continues to recruit and train other young people, erasing all evidence of their former lives and turning them into cold and efficient killers. One of these new recruits, Alex, is just beginning to understand what lies ahead for her and why the legendary Nikita made the desperate decision to run.

Thoughts: I have an irrational disdain for the Nikita franchise. I remember La Femme Nikita in the mid-90s on USA and, for some reason, it annoyed me that the show followed Monda Night Raw. I was a child then and thought wrestling was the greatest thing in the world. No, I will not watch Nikita on The CW. Yes, I’m the guy who just guaranteed Hellcats reviews weekly but I draw the line at one CW show every five years. Why is McG a producer for this show?

Chances Of Weekly Review: 0%

FOX

Lone Star

Premiere Date: September 20, 2010 at 9PM

Creator: Kyle Killen

Premise: (From FOX Press Release) a provocative soap set against the backdrop of big Texas oil. ROBERT/BOB ALLEN (newcomer James Wolk) is a charismatic and brilliant schemer who has meticulously constructed two lives in two different parts of Texas. He’s juggling two identities and two women in two very different worlds – all under one mountain of lies. As “Bob,” he lives in Houston and is married to CAT (Adrianne Palicki, “Friday Night Lights”), the beautiful daughter of CLINT (Jon Voight, 24, “Midnight Cowboy”), the patriarch of an ultra-wealthy Texas oil family. More than 400 miles away in the suburban west Texas town of Midland, he’s “Robert,” living a second life with his sweet, naive girlfriend, LINDSAY (Eloise Mumford, “Mercy,” “Law & Order: SVU”). In Midland, he plays the perfect boyfriend while secretly bilking local investors of their savings. In Houston, he’s a devoted husband, charming Cat and her family to cement his position in the rich family business he aims to clean out. Bob has lived both lives successfully for years without arousing any suspicions…so far. While one brother-in-law, DREW (Bryce Johnson, “Popular,” “The Mentalist”), admires Bob, his other brother-in-law, TRAMMELL (Mark Deklin, “Nip/Tuck,” “Desperate Housewives”), is suspicious of his motives. Bob begins to fear his secret lives may unravel. With the cons closing in on him, Bob is divided by his love for two women; his loyalty to his father and mentor, JOHN (David Keith, “An Officer and a Gentleman,” “The Class”); and his respect for his father-in-law, Clint. Now as he tries to hold his two lives together, while fending off angry investors and the suspicions of those around him, Bob puts it all on the line hoping he can beat the odds, leave the schemes behind and keep two separate relationships afloat.

Thoughts: Many critics expressed concern about the long-term quality of the show. The reviews for the Pilot are great and the trailer sells the show well. I’ll definitely catch the pilot but I don’t foresee this being a show I’ll review weekly. I’ll leave the many other critics of the interweb to write about this show. I also have the gut feeling that it’ll be cancelled. Marc Webb directed the Pilot. He’s the guy who helmed (500) Days Of Summer. The word “soap” in the FOX press release killed much of my interest in the show but I’m not writing it off. I just won’t write about it.

Chance Of Weekly Review: 0%

Raising Hope

Premiere Date: September 21, 2010

Creator: Greg Garcia

Premise: (From FOX Press Release) At 23 years old, JIMMY CHANCE (Lucas Neff, “The Beast”) is going nowhere in life. He skims pools for a living, parties every night and still lives at home with his family. Jimmy’s life takes a drastic turn when a chance romantic encounter with LUCY (guest star Bijou Phillips, “Choke,” “Almost Famous”) goes awry once he discovers she is a wanted felon. Months later, when Jimmy pays a visit to the local prison, he discovers Lucy gave birth to their baby, who he is now charged with raising. At home with his new daughter, Jimmy’s family is less than enthusiastic about a new addition to the household. His parents, who had him when they were 15, never knew anything about raising a child and have no interest in trying again. If Jimmy can work up the nerve to ask her out on a date, he might get some help from SABRINA (Shannon Woodward, “The Riches,” “ER”), a sardonic checkout clerk he met at the supermarket. Cousin Mike is only concerned about how the baby is going to affect their social life, and out-of-touch Maw Maw is no help either. But Jimmy is determined to take care of his baby – whom Virginia thinks they should name HOPE. With very few useful skills but their hearts in the right place, will the Chance family be successful when they step into the unpredictable and immensely challenging world of parenting?

Thoughts: The first sitcom listed. ALLRIGHT! Greg Garcia brought the world My Name Is Earl five years ago. Raising Hope looks very good. The trailer is very promising. It looks like the series will have a lot of heart and some good laughs. Some of my favorite sitcoms include Boy Meets World and Scrubs. Those were shows with tremendous heart and fully developed characters. Garcia’s not a guy who will half-ass his characters like other sitcoms do, mostly ABC sitcoms. I think the show has a high chance of weekly reviews. I won’t commit 100%. No real reason for that but expect Raising Hope to be in the rotation.

Chance of Weekly Review: 93%

Running Wilde

Premiere Date: September 21, 2010 at 9:30PM

Creator: Mitchell Hurwitz & Jim Vallely & Will Arnett

Premise: (From FOX Press Release) From the Emmy Award-winning creator and the star of the critically acclaimed FOX series “Arrested Development” comes RUNNING WILDE, a romantic comedy starring Will Arnett (“Arrested Development,” “30 Rock”) as STEVE WILDE, a filthy-rich, immature playboy trying desperately to win (or buy) the heart of his childhood sweetheart, EMMY KADUBIC (Keri Russell, “Waitress,” “Felicity”), the uber-liberal humanitarian who got away – all told through the perspective of a 12-year-old girl.

Thoughts: I will watch anything the Arrested Development guys write because of the brilliance of Arrested Development. I won’t know what to make of Running Wilde until a few episodes in. The trailer isn’t great and I wonder if Will Arnett can handle being the lead on a sitcom. The role is good for him because no one plays rich, obnoxious and aloof quite like Will Arnett but I wonder how things will go when Steve Wilde undergoes a change of heart and all that. I like the Will Arnett characters to be like Gob Bluth. No apologies at all. Keri Russell is terrific. I’m intrigued by the ‘all told through the perspective of a 12-year-old-girl’ angle. I’ll resist making comparisons to Arrested Development. AD is, perhaps, the greatest comedy America has produced.

Chance Of Weekly Review: 80%

Tomorrow is NBC.

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

Tuesday doesn’t seem like the most exciting day to dive into the world of cable television. Writing about cable television shows seems like something one does on a Thursday. I don’t know why. Nevertheless, today is all about assessing the new shows premiering in the fall on various cable OR premium channels.

My number one guide for new shows in the fall does not have every cable/premium channel show in an organized way like they do for the five networks. As will be the case throughout the week, I’m trying to determine which shows will be reviewed weekly in The Foot. Of course, should any screeners come my way, a show will guarantee a spot in the review rotation. I’m not a fan of reality television but I’m not ruling out the next Real World/Road Rules challenge because the show is a delight.

Instead of separating the new shows by channel, I will merely list which channel will air said new show. Also, I will actually include premiere dates for the rest of the week. I meant to yesterday but became distracted and forgot. Anywho, here we go:

The Walking Dead

Channel: AMC

Premiere Date: October 2010 (Date TBA)

Creator: Robert Kirkman (Comic Book) & Frank Darabont (TV)

Premise: (From AMC Press Release) The Walking Dead tells the story of the weeks and months that follow a pandemic zombie apocalypse. County Sheriff Rick Grimes travels with his family and a small group of survivors, constantly in search of a safe and secure home. But the constant pressure of fighting off death on a daily basis takes a heavy toll, sending many to the lowest depths of human cruelty. As Rick struggles to keep his family alive, he will discover that the overwhelming fear of the survivors can be far more dangerous than the mindless walkers roaming the earth.

Thoughts: I admit I only became aware of the series after talking with Colin of PCA. The above YouTube video is the trailer though the quality is poor because it’s from Comic Con. I didn’t find a high quality trailer on YouTube to embed. My apologies. AMC plans on premiering the show during the channel’s Fear Fest, the annual marathon of horror movies leading up to All Hallow’s Eve. People adore the comic book and I do enjoy genre shows quite a lot. The zombie craze hasn’t reached the levels of the vampire craze. Is it even a craze? In recent years, zombies have entered the pop culture spectrum. I doubt young girls can find the ideal romantic hero in a zombie tale. As a child, I enjoyed zombie films. Me and my sister used to rent old, campy zombie films from the now extinct West Coast Video. Who can forget about the great zombies in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video? My personal history with zombies aside, the premise of The Walking Dead is extremely compelling. I always enjoy tales that explore the humanity of mankind in the face of awful situations and circumstances.

The Walking Dead’s first season will be short–only six episodes. I’ve read that season two will be 13 episodes. Regardless, The Walking Dead has the potential to be awesome.

Before I give the percentage for chances of reviewing, I’d like to gauge the interest of Post Collegiate Apocalypse in reviewing the first season. If you want to, it’s all yours. As for me…

Chances Of Weekly Review: 87%

Terriers

Channel: FX

Premiere Date: September 8, 2010 at 10PM

Creator: Ted Griffin

Premise: (From FX Press Release) A comedic drama that centers on “Hank Dolworth” (Logue), an ex-cop who partners with his best friend “Britt Pollack” (Raymond-James) to launch an unlicensed private investigation business. The duo, both struggling with maturity issues, solve crimes while avoiding danger and responsibility.

Thoughts: The writing staff is stacked. Tim Minear, of ANGEL and Firefly flame, is on the staff as well as former ANGEL writer and the creator of The Shield, Shawn Ryan. Ted Griffin, the creator, is from Ocean’s Eleven. The show has earned great reviews and the potential, with the talent of those writers alone, is huge. Luckily, very few people read press releases for shows because the premise that FX wrote is really week. The show has a lot of promise based on the trailer; however, I think I’ll need to watch the pilot and write about it to determine whether or not to review it weekly. Craig Brewer directed the pilot.

Chances Of Weekly Review: 60%

Boardwalk Empire

Channel: HBO

Premiere Date: September 19, 2010 at 9PM

Creator: Terrence Winter

Premise: (From HBO Press Release) Set in 1920 at the dawn of Prohibition, this new series chronicles the life and times of “Nucky” Thompson, the undisputed leader of Atlantic City, who was equal parts politician and gangster.

Thoughts: Martin Scorcese directed the pilot. Mark Wahlberg is an executive producer. Steve Buscemi stars. I’m definitely watching the show but I doubt I’ll review it. It’s on a premium channel and I do not want to isolate any readers. As always with HBO, the production values are top-notch and the cast should knock it out of the park every week. I’m a fan of period pieces and look forward to the look of Atlantic City in the 20s. Critics are raving about the series. I think it’ll be tremendous.

Chances Of Weekly Review: 0%

Tomorrow, I explore what The CW and FOX have up their sleeves for the fall season.

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

As of yesterday, I’d been on the job hunt for about three weeks and I’d come up with goose eggs on all accounts. I don’t just mean goose eggs in terms of finding a job, because I hadn’t even gotten rejected from one. I had received a king’s ransom worth of cold shoulders.

            My primary hunting tools have been Monster.com and traditional snail mail, but sadly employers aren’t biting or even paying attention to me at all. I’m sure it’s because they just didn’t notice the words “English degree” on there. Once they see that, I should be sipping ice tea laced with thousand dollar bills while watching one of my lackeys play “NHL 11” for me.

            Anyway, back to my job hunt. There was one faint, glimmering prospect of hope on the horizon of the dark and choppy sea of despair that is my expectations for life after college. A job so perfect for me that it almost made Johnny Depp look like a Sagittarius. Because, you know I’m a Taurus and Tauruses and Sagittari just don’t get along so if that were true, you know, me and him just wouldn’t work as a couple.

            What was I talking about? Oh, right the job. Basically, I would have gotten to wake up early in the morning and write about horror movies for a beloved fanboy website all day and occasionally get paid to do so. Peanut butter and jelly were green with envy over how well that job and I would have gone together.  

            I applied for the job and a few weeks later I was thrilled to learn that I had made it to the final round of cuts. Sadly last night around one in the a.m., my dream came to an end. Just like my inglorious Flyers, I was unable to close the deal when I mattered most. My offense sputtered except for one line and my defense ran out of gas, leaving my goalie out to dry. Hmm… it seems that my analogy has lost its focus.

            I’m not that disappointed. Perhaps that’s because my natural pessimism wouldn’t allow me to even consider the fact that by some strange twist of fate I could get the job. I wouldn’t describe myself as a “glass half empty” kind of guy. I’m more of the “expect to accidentally break the glass and cut my fingers cleaning up the shards” type.     

            In fact, the rejection is actually kind of encouraging. Honestly, I made it pretty far in the process. Significantly further than the last time I applied to the aforementioned website for a job.

            On top of that, I’ve finally gotten rejected! Someone out there is paying attention to me after all. I’ll say this to all of the soon to be graduating college people out there who likely aren’t reading this: rejection isn’t so bad; it’s being ignored that sucks. Ask Freddy Krueger circa “Freddy vs. Jason” and he’ll tell you the exact same thing. (See? I would have been so perfect for that job!)                     

            So, as Rich Hoffman might say, where do I go from here? Well, I’ll just have to keep soldiering on, filling the internet with my nonsense and knocking on virtual and snail mail doors until someone accidentally let’s me in. Once that happens, look out because I’m not leaving until you agree to give me lots of money. Or some money. Any money. Monopoly money. Really, I’m not picky. Remember: English degree.

            So, today was supposed to be Names I Wish I Didn’t Know. Sadly, I ended up going on about job hunting and what not. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been stretching over the course of the past few weeks with this feature anyway. With that in mind, I think Names I Wish I Didn’t Know will get downgraded to a whenever the mood strikes me feature, as opposed to weekly. Johnny Depp knows what I’ll fill this space with on Tuesdays, but I won’t give you people half-hearted rants any longer! That’s simply not my way. I will figure something out, I assure you of that. Now on to the Beard of the Day!

Apparently the movie documenting this man's "leaving the movie business" is coming out on Sept. 10 in limited release. So I guess that will be when Casey Affleck jumps out from behind a curtain and shouts "got ya" at the two people who still believe that this guy really went nuts. Ladies and gentlemen, once again the "Joaquin Phoenix."

             Check out the trailer for “I’m Still Here” right here.

             Or maybe here.

            That’s all for now my friends. Keep fighting the good fight and vaya con dios.

Image Credits: Target, Book, Phoenix

Let us begin with the answer to Friday’s Scene of Mystery.

            And the answer is “Commando,” the glorious 1985 film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, a little girl, several dozen disposable henchmen and that deer.

             Sadly, there were no winner from last week so the grand prize of $10,000 worth of Janice Redington’s stuffed animals remains unclaimed once again.

            Some of last week’s guessers were quite close and thusly shall go unpunished. Bryan guessed “Suburban Commando,” which has almost the exact same title as the correct answer save for one extra word. Chris tried “War and Peace,” which was incorrect, but since those are two of the central themes in “Commando,” he too escapes punishment. Janice incorrectly guessed”Terminator 2″ once again. Since Janice picked the wrong Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, she will be doubly punished as per section 7890 of the Scene of Mystery Rule Book, affectionately dubbed the “Austrian Muscle Man Clause.”

            This clause states that ”in the event that a guesser should name an incorrect Arnold Schwarzengger when the correct answer is in fact a different Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, said guesser must spend the first Thursday of the next calender month watching every film Schwarzenegger ever made and then must write a 20,000  word essay on why he is the man.

            And for her incorrect and completly unrelated guess, Janice must also donate 600 metric tons of popcorn to the Post Collegiate Apocalypse staff. Such are the dangers of an incorrect and totally unrelatable guess at the Scene of Mystery!

            On to the Beard of the Day!   

When this man tells you to get on board his tiny, wooden airplane, you darn well better do it. Ladies and gentlemen, the "Mr. Burns!"

             That’s all for today! Vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Burnsy