Quad Blogs

THE WEEK FOUR NFL PICKS!

Once again, the Phillies won the NL East right before the fourth week of the NFL season. You know, I’m still in baseball mood. The NFL season hasn’t swept me off my feet thus far. Baseball’s been fantastic this season. Great storylines, great playoff races and great awards races. The pitching has been tremendous throughout baseball: Halladay, Josh Johnson, Felix Hernandez, Adam Wainwright, Justin Verlander, Jon Lester, CC Sabathia, Cole Hamels, Roy Oswalt, Brett Myers, Jaime Garcia, Chris Carpenter, Trevor Cahill, Phil Hughes, Matt Cain, Tim Linceum, Jonathan Sanchez, Cliff Lee, CJ Wilson, Jimenez…just to name a few. There’s been outstanding individual performances like Brendan Morrow’s 1-hit, 17 strikeout masterpiece against the Rays, Dallas Braden’s perfect game, Galarraga’s botched perfect game, Matt Garca’s no-hitter. The NL rookie class has been one of the best of all-time.

Now, the playoffs begin. The Phillies looked poised to destroy the NL in their quest to return to the World Series for the 4th straight season. Plus, hockey season is now a week away. The NFL better step its game up.

Anywho, I went 9-7 last week. My overall is 28-20. Last year, at this time, I was 32-16 so I’m not complaining.

TO THE PICKS!

Atlanta over San Francisco

-The 49ers fired their offensive coordinator this week. I found out Singletary barely gets involved in the offensive game-planning because he lacks experience in the area. WHAT?!? He’s the head coach! The 49ers will be done for the season should they lose the game, and they’ll realize they managed to blow winning the easiest division. I mean, the Seahawks are the favorite. Ask any NFL fan to name 15 players from the Seahawks and no one can. As for the Falcons, they look good enough to win the NFC South this season. Don’t start the Niners defense in fantasy, people of Earth. This will be a blow out.

New York Jets over Buffalo

-Well, the Jets aren’t terrible. Harvard Fitzpatrick, meanwhile, lit up the Patriots defense last week. Good for him. Does this mean the Chan Gailey offense finally takes effect and the Bills become an offensive juggernaut? Probably not but they should be a respected offense. I think Rex Ryan would have a heart attack if his defense got beat by Harvard so the Bills will fall, predictably, to 0-4.

Cleveland over Cincinnati

-I watched the longer highlights of the Bengals/Panthers game to see how terrible Jimmy Clausen played. Interestingly enough, the Bengals as a whole surprised me with just how poorly they played despite winning and scoring 20. They barely capitalized on turnovers. They could’ve blown the Panthers out. Palmer’s throwing balls right at defenders when his own players are away from the ball. Maybe this leads to our first ever heel turn in the NFL. Soon we’ll see Palmer thrown an INT, and then he’ll remove his jersey to reveal the OPPONENT’S JERSEY and give the finger to every Bengals fan in the stadium. The Browns are a sneaky mediocre team. Their 0-3 record is mis-leading.

Green Bay over Detroit

-The talking heads continue to say ‘the Lions are a tough football team to play’ and yet I don’t agree. I stand by my words last week that the Lions remain a terrible football team. Things might change once the team gets healthier; however, they might remain the same. These are the Detroit Lions. One of these years, the preseason talk that the tide has turned in Detroit will actually be true. Not this year. As for the Packers, I don’t agree with the opinion that the Packers aren’t as good as we thought because of the Bears loss. It’s one loss. They can still finish 13-3 or 12-4. Also, Clay Matthews run of destroying NFL QB’s careers has ended. Shaun Hill might begin the run again for Clay Matthews though.

Tennessee over Denver

-Kyle Orton throws for 476 yards yet the Broncos score one touchdown in the game. Wow. 0-5 in the redzone. They were gutsy 4th quarter calls that I respected. But I’m sure the Colts would’ve won in a shootout too. I have nothing else to write for this game.

St. Louis over Seattle

-As predicted, the Rams beat the always-hapless Redskins. This pick really is based on the idea that the Seahawks are awful away from home. But, asking the Rams to win two in a row might be too much. Bradford’s a good NFL quarterback though, and he has decent enough receivers and a good running game to support him. St. Louis might finally have hope with their football team. I bet Ron Pitts and John Lynch return to their weekly Rams duty after a one week vacation from calling Rams game.

New Orleans over Carolina

-Carolina is very, very bad. I don’t think Steve Smith’s open criticism of Clausen on the sideline is the best thing for the young quarterback. The running game isn’t as strong as last year. Major problems in Carolina. The Saints are lucky to face the team after three tough games. The Saints should have a comfortable win.

Baltimore over Pittsburgh

-One of my favorite games of every NFL season. I hope the Steelers don’t improve to 4-0 with Roethlisberger returning next week. I have no interest in rooting for the guy. He’s a d-bag. Tomlin’s doing a great job though, ending the ‘is he a good coach or benefiting from Cowher?’ debate. The Ravens have to prove they can score on tougher defenses. This is a huge game for the Ravens. A statement game. Especially for the offense.

Houston over Oakland

-Houston’s lost to Oakland in recent years. They never have a good time in Oakland. So why am I picking them? Feels right, I guess. It would be in the Texans nature to lose this game and drop to 2-2, rendering the week 1 lost meaningless in the grand scheme of the season. The Raiders should’ve won last week. Gradkowski is solid for the Raiders and he has weapons to use. The Oakland defense is always formidable too.

Indianapolis over Jacksonville

-Del Rio sort of threw Garrard under the bus after the Eagles game. Well, he DID throw his QB under the bus. He told reporters to ask Garrard about his ineffectiveness. Way to have your QB’s back. It’s all downhill for the Jaguars now. Poor Jones-Drew. Poor Rashean Mathis. And the Colts are just fine. Every season, people want the Colts to fail but I like the consistency of greatness from the Colts. The Jaguars usually play the Colts tough though. I think the Jaguars are on the brink of quitting on their coach so maybe not a tough game for the Colts.

Philadelphia over Washington

-Reporters ask questions to McNabb, expecting him to say something that spark fireworks. It’s not going to happen. Donovan’s way too smart to say anything stupid regardless of how he really feels about the trade. I would’ve prefered McNabb finish his career an Eagle. Oh well. I don’t think the Redskins defense will be a true test for Vick. Thus far he’s thrived against two poor defenses and one that hadn’t prepared at all for Vick. The Eagles defense played great last week; however, it’s just one game. Consistency is key. Facing McNabb is going to be a good test for the young defense. How long will Buck and Aikman rehash the trade, talk about the Vick/Kolb stuff and McNabb’s legacy in Philadelphia? The Linc better cheer McNabb in pre-game. He deserves it.

San Diego over Arizona

-Rodgers-Cromartie wanted the Cardinals to lose last week and nearly succeeded until Janikowski choked. I wonder how many penalties and dumb plays he’ll make this week. The Chargers regressed into an enigma again. The offense isn’t struggling too much without Jackson. The special teams have let the team down since the season began. Rivers might beat up a teammate on the field, during a game, before the season ends.

Chicago over New York Giants

-The Giants defensive coordinator hasn’t fixed the problems that plagued the defense last season. They’ve been blown out back to back. Eli might be playing the worst football of his career. The Giants will be lucky to finish .500. They’re like a a recent M. Night Shyamalan film.

Miami over New England

-Why the hell not? I don’t want the AFC East to boil down to Pats vs. Jets. I like the Dolphins. I like Sprano. I think Henne’s a solid quarterback. The defense is underrated. YES, UNDERRATED. Totally unrelated question: what are the chances Sergei Bobrovsky becomes the permanent starter by January?

Last Week: 9-7

Overall: 28-20

SCREENPLAY OF THE DAY

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang–Written By Shane Black

http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/Kiss_Kiss_Bang_Bang.pdf

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

After two episodes that focused on developing Hank and Britt as characters, “Fustercluck” dives back into the mythology, or rather, the over-arcing story for the first season. Lindus returns to the fold. The search for Mickey’s killer returns. Hank is less depressed and near-relapse because he has too much work to focus on. “Fustercluck” contains a ton of set-up for the rest of the season, and is the best episode of the season. Also, the title of the episode might be the greatest episode title of all-time.

Essentially, the Lindus story established in the pilot completely reverses itself in this episode. His wife visits Hank and Britt, hands them 1000 dollars and tells the two to visit her husband if they want to keep the cash. After briefly “interrogating” Lindus for his transgressions in the pilot, Lindus tells the two what he wants. Lindus wants to keep his wife and son safe because they are innocent of the mess Lindus is in. Men want Lindus dead. The police have enough evidence to lock Lindus away for a long time. The problem for Lindus is, Hank and Britt don’t trust him. Lindus wants the two PIs to break into his office and steal a quarter-million of his own cash.

Hank and Britt talk with Mrs. Lindus about the break-in. The two guys will get 40% of the money. While Hank and Britt really don’t trust Lindus, mostly because they framed the man for a murder he actually did commit (you have to watch the show), Hank agrees to do the job because Mrs. Lindus promises Hank that she’ll deliver the name of the man who killed Mickey.

Hank and Britt commit a smooth and IMPRESSIVE break-in. I feel like Ted Griffin’s Ocean’s Eleven days returned for the robbery sequence. They get the money. Hank gets the name but the guy just took the fall for the crime. Before Lindus, free on bail, can flee the country in his private jet, Hank and Britt kidnap him. To make a long story short, Lindus dies by episode’s end. Uh-oh. Before he dies, from getting hit by a car, Lindus tells Hank that the company Mickey used to work for put the hit on Mickey because of secretive papers that the company thought Mickey’s daughter had. There are many layers to the situation Hank and Britt find themselves in. Not even knew what they were getting themselves with the simple ‘let’s plant the gun in Lindus’ house.’ Now, Hank’s former partner suspects the two of kidnapping Lindus and he arrives at Hank’s house just as Lindus dies.

It was an action-packed forty-some minutes of television. The show also introduced Hank’s sister, Stephanie. She’s a brilliant woman suffering from a mental illness. She’s going to be important and she might cause more problems for Hank than he already has. Hank’s sort of responsible for two men’s deaths in as many weeks (though the timeline in the episode was a few weeks later). The insanity he finds himself in could have disastrous effects in the long run. Hank’s a man who will do anything for his own personal gain so I wonder where the writers take the character as the story gets deeper and Hank comes closer to discovering the actual man or men behind his friend’s death. He was ready to inflict pain on the patsy before he realized Lindus lied to him.

Terriers is a smart television show. At the end of last week’s episode, we saw a mysterious figure crawl into Hank’s attic. This week, near the end of the heist, Britt notices a black SUV parked outside–an SUV that arrived after the heist started. A man noticed Britt and Hank spying on the construction site. The three top writers on the show don’t have reputations of spoon-feeding the audience. The network, FX, also doesn’t air shows that spoon-feed the audience or hold their hands. The black SUV is definitely coming back.

Some other thoughts:

-I keep waiting for Tim Minear’s first episode and I think episode five will be Minear’s. Based on the previews, the episode seems like it’s in Minear’s wheelhouse. Hopefully he directed whatever episode he wrote.

-Terriers is probably my favorite new show of the season. Hawaii Five-O is, surprisingly, another new show I really like so far.

-Jon Worley wrote “Fustercluck.” It appears that “Fustercluck” is his first television script. Michael Offer directed the episode.

SCREENPLAY OF THE DAY

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles–”Pilot”–Written By Josh Friedman

http://www.leethomson.myzen.co.uk/Terminator_-_The_Sarah_Connor_Chronicles_1x01_-_Pilot.pdf

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

The Phillies are in the playoffs, the Flyers are on the tube and Dinosaur Wednesday is live (not really) and ready to go!

            First up is the Outstanding Dinosaur Award. Each week this honor is bestowed upon the dinosaur that could out maneuver The Stig and kick the beard off of Chuck Norris with a vicious roundhouse kick. At the SAME TIME!

            This week’s Outstanding Dinosaur is…

            The Parasaurolophus! Let’s get just the facts about this chap from our good, pastel-loving friends over at EnchantedLearning.com.

• 40 feet long, 8 feet tall at the hips
• Weighed about 2 tons
• Name means: “Beside Saurolophus (Crested Lizard)”
• Had an extremely long (up to SIX feet), hollow, bony crest attached to the back of its skull
• The crest may have been used to produce a fog-horn like trumpet sound, to enhance its sense of smell or for display in mating rituals
• Its back was notched slightly at the spot where the crest would make contact when it leaned its head backwards
• Duck-billed dinosaur
• Had no natural defenses, but possessed excellent sight and hearing
• Lived during the late Cretaceous Period, about 76-65 Million years ago, toward the end of the Mesozoic Era
• Herbivore
• Lived in North America (Alberta, Canada and Utah and New Mexico, USA)
• Walked and ran on two legs, but may have dropped to all fours to eat

            So there you have it! The Parasaurolophus! Norman, our Dinosaur Wednesday drummer and the host of Ask-A-Dinosaur is on vacation in tropical South Dakota this week, but he will return next week. In the meantime, let’s resume the 2010 Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage tournament!

            This week features two absolutely TITANIC match ups containing FOUR pre-historic pre-tournament tournament favorites, two of whom will be going home when by night’s end. Remember, the winner of the tournament will receive one million dollars worth of Janice’s hoodies, an ample amount of bragging rights and a super-secret mystery prize! The Mystery prize will be revealed THIS MONDAY! Tune in to Big Reveal Monday to find out what it is!

            As always, the winner of each match up is determined by the patented PCA Dinosaur Algorithm. Some say that the Algorithm recently led his videogame Columbus Blue Jackets to the Stanley Cup title in… “NHL12.”

            Our first clash of the evening features Earl Sinclair (PCGM Record: 2-0-0, Odds: 30-1), the patriarch from the classic 90’s sitcom “Dinosaurs” lining up in the mauve corner. Opposite him in the nacho cheese orange corner is the fearsome, car-choppin’, goat-stompin’ T-Rex (PCGM Record: 2-0-0, Odds: 15-1) from the first “Jurassic Park” film! It’s time to fire up the Algorithm and see what’s what!

            The T-Rex wins it! 90’s cinema has bested 90’s television in the ultimate pop culture war! I’m very nearly breathless right now, but there is another match to consider. That’s right folks, we’re not done yet.

            Standing tall in the apricot corner is Trixie, the tri-horned co-star of the summer blockbuster “Toy Story 3!” Lurking in the sea foam green corner is her opponent. He’s armed to the teeth with frying pans and one liners, Baby Sinclair! Baby’s just watched his father get beaten by someone other then himself, which will no doubt have him in quite the foul mood. Are you there Algorithm, it’s your legions of adoring fans! Tell us who comes out on top!

            Baby does the Sinclair family proud! Our conference finals are set, let’s take a gander at the big board to see where we stand at this juncture!

            Cool beans folks. Things are tightening up and the revelation of the mystery prize on Monday should only make things crazier. Now off to the ‘Jurassic Park’ Clip of the Week!

            And finally, a brand spanking new Beard of the Day!

This guy has long claimed that he couldn't grow a full beard, giving hope to facial hair-challenged individuals everywhere. Then this happened. Still he kicks butt, Chances, Shadows and Sassys: the "Johnny Depp!"

            That’s all for now. I will see you on Friday with another edition of Peliculas con Viernes!

Image Credits: Para comp, para pic, Depp   

Julie Benz and Michael Chiklis star in ABC's No Ordinary Family

The last show about superheroes that I watched had no sense of fun. Characters never smiled. The actors and actresses delivered their lines without emotion and probably should’ve considered hiring new dialogue coaches. Hayden Panetierre developed a habit of mumbling some of her lines and she conveyed zero emotions throughout most of the HEROES run. Perhaps the show reflected the unhappiness of the writers room or the unhappiness of the actors. The show suffered from whatever took place behind the scenes of the show. HEROES became one of my least favorite shows of all-time.

I hope No Ordinary Family retains the same sense of fun the pilot had. The characters are excited about their superpowers. The final image of the pilot features the family laughing and smiling in the backyard. After the depressive experience that was Heroes, I welcome a superhero show that is fun.

The show revolves around the Powell family. Jim (Michael Chiklis) is a sketch artist for the local police department. He’s an aspiring cop who struggles to earn the respect of the actual cops. His home life is a balancing act between work and their children–leaving little room to find the spark of his marriage again. Stephanie (the lovely Julie Benz) works long hours as a scientist and can barely find enough time in her day to talk to her daughter or help her son with homework. No way she can find the time for romance with her husband. Daphne (Kay Panabaker), their daughter, is a teen who is not whole apart from her cell phone. She’s also a high school girl who faces the possibility of losing her boyfriend because she’s not ready to have sex. JJ (Jimmy Bennett), the son, struggles with homework. His teacher tells Stephanie that she thinks he has a learning disability.

Everything changes for the family when their plane crashes into the Amazon river and the family soon emerges with superpowers. Jim possesses super strength and an ability to jump long distances. Jim would win the Olympic long jump easily. He was a man who found himself in the role of the mother in the household, now he feels like a true man. Stephanie, the woman with no time, develops super speed that allows her the time she needs to talk with her daughter about her daughter’s problems, help her son with his homework and be intimate with her husband. JJ develops the power to do homework better. Daphne can hear the thoughts of her peers. Each superpower allows the family to grow closer and become the family that Jim has wanted them to be.

Jon Harmon Feldman and Greg Berlanti created the show. Both have experience with family dramas, especially Berlanti who created the excellent Everwood. Feldman worked for Dawson’s Creek during the first season followed by Berlanti, who joined the show in season two. Feldman’s track record isn’t great. Berlanti has earned a tremendous amount of trust from me because of the excellent first season of Everwood (a season that ranks behind LOST’s first season on my all-time great individual season of television list). Berlanti can get a bit soapy with his series. Ditto for Feldman. I trust that this show won’t become too soapy. The pilot is promising and I’ll gladly review the show on a weekly basis.

Some other thoughts:

-Autumn Reeser and Romany Malco are both great in their supporting roles. Reeser was in Entourage the last two years. What a difference the writing makes. Entourage writes female roles terribly while Feldman, in the pilot, gives Reeser good material. Autumn Reeser is a delight.

-I’m a huge fan of Julie Benz. I’ll watch the show, regardless, because of her. A weekly dose of Julie Benz is great.

-Tom Amandes shows up at the very end as the man Jim and Stephanie have been talking to. Everwood fans know him as the awesome Dr. Harold “Patch” Abbott. Hopefully Tom Amandes hangs around for a few episodes because he is awesome.

-Critics have complained about the ‘talking to the camera’ device. Berlanti used narration for the first two seasons of Everwood. I have no idea if the device will be dropped. If not, this might be a PG version of In Treatment meets The Incredibles.

-David Semel directed the pilot. Semel directed one of the best ANGEL episodes of all-time, “Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been?” and he’s a TV veteran. Semel also directed four Buffy episodes, among them “Lover’s Walk.” Semel ALSO directed nine Dawson’s Creek episodes. He directed one of Van Der Beek’s first self-righteous turns as Dawson in “Be Careful What You Wish For.” Semel directed other classic Creek episodes, as well. Yes.

-The criminal in the episode possesses super powers so the show won’t lack villains on a weekly basis.

-Not sure the actor who played the Reverend on the show that wouldn’t die, 7th Heaven, is believable as a villain. I also don’t like the hint that another damn company exists that dislikes superheroes. Way too much of that went on in HEROES.

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

Episode 2 of The Event may have delighted many people but the episode, titled “To Keep Us Safe,” did not entertain me at all. “To Keep Us Safe” is a much better effort than the pilot. I wonder why NBC didn’t devote two hours to the premiere because nothing happened in the pilot. At least the show revealed some things about what’s going on; however, nonsense still comes out of Laura Innes’ character’s mouth like ‘I can’t tell you anything, Mr. President” and then she follows THAT up with a threat to the president AND the people of the country. She threatens the President because he wants the truth. WHAT?!? There’s no context for her threat but she sure delivers the words with a menacing look and an ominous tone in her voice.

The plane that disappeared into an electromagnetic field last week did not go to an alternate dimension. The plane landed in Yuma, Arizona. The first fifteen minutes of the show were begging for bloggers and critics to draw the LOST comparisons. A plane crashes in an unknown and mysterious place while a military official talks about a major electromagnetic event. I don’t mean to get into Jacob’s Foot mode and write 2,000 words about LOST but that plot is directly lifted from LOST. Some critics have theorized the show is poking fun at shows like LOST. I doubt the electromagnetic/plane thing was a parody of LOST because the characters were deadly serious about the disappearance and the information. It’s one thing for the network to push the show as the next LOST because their job is to draw an audience. The writers didn’t need to place such a blatant image of LOST in the first act of the second episode. Allright. LOST tangent is now over.

Scott Patterson yelled that Sean shouldn’t trust ANYONE and that he alone can rescue his daughters. Sean takes off and eventually passes out in the desert. He awakes in the hospital and soon finds himself in custody of the FBI because the kidnappers framed Sean for the murder of the guy with the brunette girl who tried to rape Leila seconds before mysterious white guy stabbed in the gut. This show is a mess. I digress. Sean pleads with the FBI people to find the plane but they think he is crazy and psychotic. Essentially, nothing happens in the Sean story of the episode. Whoever kidnapped Leila and her sister are part of a powerful organization that not even the government knows about them. The organization probably doesn’t consist of the aliens we discovered lived amongst the characters though.

Meanwhile, Danko from HEROES tells the president that he would like to rid the country of the aliens. The plot is basically the second half of the third season of HEROES. The president isn’t as eager to commit genocide though. He wants answers. He doesn’t get them so he, in turn, threatens Laura Innes. Also, the top guy working the case is actually ONE of the aliens. In fact, he is the brother of the love of Laura Innes’ life and his brother is responsible for the plane; however, the alien working with the government wants to protect the civilians, I think.

The whole alien plot is a bunch of nonsense though, and I’d rather not take the time to coherently summarize their early plan because I don’t care about it. The number one issue with the show thus far is the lack of investment I have in the characters and the entire story. Why should I care about the aliens, their plan or the government and their reasons for covering up the crash? Why should I care about Sean and his girlfriend? The characters have no personality or definable traits. They exist only as plot devices. This kind of plot-driven-lets-sacrifice-the-characters show is not for me.

I’m cutting The Event from the weekly review rotation and I’m done with the show overall.

Good Day, The Event.

SCREENPLAY OF THE DAY

The Sopranos–”College”–Written By Jim Manos, Jr http://leethomson.myzen.co.uk/Sopranos/The_Sopranos_1x05_-_College.pdf

If you’ve never seen The Sopranos, this script could very well make you a fan of the show.

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

Somehow, be it through divine intervention, cosmic alignment or just flat out dumb luck, my business associate and I survived our weekend in the wilds of Pennsylvania.

            You may stand and cheer. If you have a cap, please feel free to toss it up in the air. While you do all that, I will feign modesty and half-heartedly attempt to silence you, even though I’m secretly basking in the glow of your admiration.

            Admittedly, it was a harsh and furious battle, but when the sun set, it was once again man standing triumphantly over a felled and bruised Mother Nature. The odds were stacked against us from the get go. At least that’s what famed Hollywood producer Drake Stone told me. He had the two of us emerging unscathed from the timberlands at 10,000-1. Apparently, there was a nice side-wager going on that I would contract some manner of flesh-eating virus, while my esteemed colleague would fall victim to demonic possession and attempt to swallow my soul.

            I would like to say that I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I am not. Though believe me, when someone gives you 30-1 odds that a year from now authorities will find a videotape of me saying: “I’m so scared right now,” while wearing a winter cap, you darn well better take them. Heck, I would have had Drake informed me of his latest inquest into the wide and wonderful world of bookmaking.

            I had my doubts about this weekend before it even began. My esteemed colleague had selected a campsite from her youth and vehemently assured me that it was an absolute necessity that we provide our own fire wood. Naturally, I was confused by the idea of bringing our own wood with us into the woods. Would we not be surrounded by trees, all of whom would be eager to provide us with kindling? Apparently, there was no wood in the woods where we were going.

            I was terrified.

            Of course, we arrived to find wood, though it was not in abundant supply and the homegrown stuff certainly came in handy. We also arrived to discover that our campsite was infested with a family of black bears. The largest of the brutes reared back on its hind legs and growled something fierce at me in a language I could not possibly comprehend.

            Just as I was deciding whether it would be best to utilize my colleague as a human shield or as a human sacrifice, I remembered something useful and undeniably practical that I learned in my Conventions of Reading and Writing Course. This was one of the core courses needed to achieve an English major at West Chester University.

            In that class, my professor spent the better part of a month detailing the habits and culture of the Pennsylvania Black Bear. Naturally, it came as no surprise to me that I found myself in the real world making use of something I learned in an English course. It’s happened so often that I’ve simply stopped keeping track.

            In any case, I listened closely to what the bear was trying to tell me and imagine my embarrassment, when I realized the problem. My colleague and I were in the wrong campsite! It was us who had intruded upon the black bears, not the other way around! They were simply trying to enjoy a weekend out as a family, something that has been hard to come by since the father’s recent promotion.

            We bade the family well and moved to our campsite, which was located right next door.

            From there things went pretty much to plan. We spent the weekend dining on lobster, steak and iced tea, all of which had been prepared over a roaring campfire. Songs were sung, the political climate of Nicaragua was debated long into the evening, Scrabble was played and cheated at. Basically, all of the usual things that you do while camping.

            And so here I am. Alive, well and refreshed. I’m sure that my colleague will attempt to convince you that I’ve embellished or fabricated these events in some way or another, but I can assure you that what I’ve told you is in NO WAY NOT not the truth.

            That has to mean something.           

            Moving on to another round of…

              Despite two rather uninspiring efforts thus far, the Apocalypse holds a commanding 2-0 lead over you, the loyal readers. Fight back and post your results in the comment section! There is no need for fancy power point graphics, just say how many you got right. That’s all! Let’s see which completely random Sporcle.com quizz I will have to tackle this week…

             Can You Name the Famous Foursomes…4?

            At least it’s not Lady Gaga. I shall do my best!

               Well that wasn’t great, but I did get more than half right. Apparently, Celsius is an extremely difficult word to spell under duress. How say you? Can you do better? Can you Beat the Apocalypse? Have at it! 

              On to the Beard of the Day!

He's on the mound right now as the Phillies look to clinch the NL East for the fourth year in a row! Can they do it? Can he carry them on his back once again? Lucys and Rickys, here he is, the eventual NL Cy Young winner himself, the "Roy Halladay!"

            That’s all for today! See you on Wednesday for the best day of the week, Dinosaur Wednesday! Vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Halladay 

Usually, I’d write about Beyond Survival with Les Stroud since the day is Monday; however, I am no longer going to write about Beyond Survival on a weekly basis. Instead, I am going to write about what’s on television each and every night. Who knows how long this idea lasts before I pull the plug on it without warning and return to solely writing reviews for various episodic television shows.

I’ll give this the name WHAT’S WORTH WATCHING TONIGHT. And since I am including sports, I’ll begin at the 7PM hour.

7PM

Phillies at Nationals on CSN Philadelphia

If the Phillies win, they clinch the NL East for the 4th year in a row. If the Braves lose, they clinch for the 4th year in a row. Some prefer to win the division by winning while others do not care. Roy Halladay goes for his 21st win of the season vs. John Lannan. Lannan falls apart against the Phillies. I wonder, will this game break another Comcast record for ratings? But, really, if you live in Philly, what else will you watch besides this game?

8PM

Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears, on ESPN

Should the Phillies/Nats game get rained out tonight, this football game is probably going to be awesome. Just think of the plethora of positive Mike Martz columns that will be written if the Bears improve to 3-0. Remember, Jay Cutler was awful last season. He threw one more TD than INT. There’s a good chance that Clay Matthews will destroy Jay Cutler though. This is the damage that Matthews has done in two games: injured Kevin Kolb which led to Kolb losing his job to Michael Vick. Last week, Matthews destroyed Trent Edwards. Edwards is now unemployed.

How I Met Your Mother–”Cleaning House”–on CBS

I’m sure the relative optimism I had for sixth season of the show will be damaged tonight. It’s a Barney episode and Mrs. Stinson returns. Last year’s Stinsons episode was a goofy, sitcommy episode that did generate laughs; however, I have a bad feeling about this one. Who knows though. Expect a review of the episode later tonight.

House–”Selfish”–on FOX

House and Cuddy reveal their coupling to the world. The mystery of the week revolves around a girl who collapses in a skateboarding competition while with her terminally ill brother. Yes.

WALL-E, on Disney XD

The delightful Pixar movie about a robot who falls in love. This is one of the greatest movies of all-time.

9PM

The Event–”To Keep Us Safe”–on NBC

Promos have indicated that The Event will actually be revealed. I don’t really care what The Event is. I hated the Pilot. I’m not sure I’ll watch or write about the show. I’ll watch the second episode to see if an actual story is told in the episode, if actual characterization takes places, etc. But The Event is close to getting cut from the lineup like Hellcats was.

Lone Star–on FOX

The con man show made it another week despite atrocious ratings. The showrunner/creator pleaded with the internet to watch his show. Despite the plea, I’m still not going to watch the show.

10PM

Hawaii Five-O–Episode 2–on CBS

I actually watched the pilot last week after the show generated good reviews from critics. I’ll probably watch it every now and then. If you haven’t seen an episode, check it out. It’s a fun hour of television.

SCREENPLAY OF THE DAY

Maria Full of Grace Written By Joshua Marston

http://www.joblo.com/scripts/maria_full_of_grace.pdf

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

Credit: The CW

Maybe this show isn’t for me, after all. As I watched various episodes from last season or read about the episodes, I wasn’t exactly on board with the show. The finale last year earned great reviews. I watched it. The finale did nothing for me, really. My return to the CW has gone as smoothly as Ken Griffey Jr.’s tenure with the Mariners this season. I even fell asleep during the fourth and fifth acts of the latest episode. Of course, it was about 2:25AM when I reached the fourth act of “Bad Moon Rising.”

I thought “Bad Moon Rising” fell flat in every area. The exposition was very clunky, the werewolves story is very weak and the teenage melodrama was at a Dawson’s Creek level. On Dawson’s Creek, the melodrama was very annoying because the teenage characters were self-involved and their lives were relatively stress-free so it made sense they’d blow everything out of proportion. Dawson Leery himself was the worst. I draw the parallel with Dawson’s Creek because TVD showrunner, Kevin Williamson, created Dawson’s Creek and set the standard for overwrought melodrama.

In one of the episode’s stories, Damon, Elena and Alaric went to Duke University to read the research Isobel collected about Mystic Falls. The three wanted to learn more about werewolves after Mason Lockwood’s werewolf-ness during the fight at the carnival. The story allowed Elena and Damon to be alone and, possibly, repair their friendship after Damon’s attempted murder of her brother. For a vampire who is 164 years old, Damon acted more like Pacey Witter than Dawson Leery. Yes, the Dawson Creek comparisons will continue. Damon continued to be a smart-ass for awhile before he let his guard down and decided that honesty might work with Elena. Damon found information for Elena to use about Katherine and doppelgangers. Elena thanked him; however, the friendship is far from fixed. Elena hates Damon for what he intended to do with Jeremy. Damon even gave a tearful confession about how he didn’t see the ring and thought he actually killed Jeremy. Damon admitted he couldn’t bear the thought of Elena gone from his life. Well, Elena told him that he’s lost her forever. THAT is the kind of melodrama I am speaking of.

Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder have great chemistry. I think the writing fell flat and the motivations behind these two characters to explain their actions. The writers wanted to get to a place where Damon could say Elena is more similar to Katherine than Elena wants to acknowledge. Elena used Damon to get info on Katherine, but Damon also used her. The problem is, I didn’t realize this was going on until the two characters said it nor did I think Elena was Katherine-esque.

Meanwhile, Stefan began helping Caroline control her vampire-ness. This story reminded me of the Dawson/Jen story from season two of the show. Dawson and Jen go to a party. Dawson wants Jen to know that she’s better than where she’s at. Dawson becomes self-righteous and judgmental. Stefan’s much less self-righteous and judgmental than Dawson Leery. The two stories had things in common though. Stefan continues to remind Caroline that she can’t let her vampiric nature take over. The two end up at a party. There was even a bit of dialogue when Stefan tells Caroline that he should’ve walked away from Elena a long time ago because the vampire stuff could be troublesome. But he can’t walk away from Elena because she’s Elena. Shades of Dawson and Joey Potter but at least the two haven’t broken up yet. Dawson’s Creek enjoyed telling the viewers that Dawson and Joey were soulmates even though the two were barely together in six seasons.

A relationship that did end is Caroline and Matt because Matt tired of his girlfriend’s craziness. Katherine showed up at the end of the episode to recruit Caroline as a teammate, I suppose, in whatever plan she has. Embrace Caroline as a badass vampire, show. I’m not a fan of her as a mopey teenager who happens to need blood to survive.

And the werewolf story fell flat on its face. The backstory is nonsense as is the idea that they are a threat to vampires.

If only former Dollhouse writer Andrew Chambliss’ name wasn’t on this episode because this episode was awful. Chambliss comes from the school of Joss Whedon. Tim Kring might’ve taught him bad habits though. Oh that’s a cheap shot because I hated HEROES. The bulk of the blame probably goes to the entire writer’s room for breaking a very poor episode.

SCREENPLAY OF THE DAY

Unbreakable Written By M. Night Shyamalanhttp://home.online.no/~bhundlan/scripts/Unbreakable.htm

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

I went to the Phillies game last night. I think standing room is the greatest thing in the world. While people sat in seats mere feet from me for much more money, I enjoyed the same vantage point for less money. It was the first game I’ve attended in September since 2004 when the EXPO’s came to town on a Friday night. Eric Milton nearly hit a grand slam that night but settled for a ground rule double. Me and my buddy had to leave in the 7th due to SEPTA scheduling but the Phils had a comfortable lead. Little did we know the team would go down 12-7 in the time it took to get the subway from Broad and Pattison to City Hall. No, the crowd did not resemble last night’s crowd. But last night was amazing. The last few years of Phillies baseball has been beyond amazing. If Prado didn’t double in the 4th, I would’ve seen a no hitter in person. How dare the Daily News give the backpage of the Daily News to the Eagles yet again. A couple of years ago in 2006, the night of the Bobby Abreu & Cory Lidle trade, me and my friends had an entire section to ourselves. The crowd was fantastic last night. This team is going to do some amazing things in the next month.

Anywho, it’s time to write about the goody National Football League. Week 2 is in the books. I had a decent 10-6 week. Week 2 unfolded differently than Week 1 but I didn’t get destroyed for picking 15 favorites to win. But enough about last week. It is time for me to tell you all how exactly Week 3 will unfold. LET IT BEGIN!

THE WEEK THREE NFL PICKS

San Francisco over Kansas City

-The Chiefs only beat the Browns by 2 points. The Chiefs or the Bucs have to be among the worst 2-0 teams in NFL history. You know who leads the Chiefs in receiving? Young Tony Moeaki with just 8 receptions and 79 yards. WOW. The 49ers saved their image by nearly beating the defending Super Bowl champions. I think it’s safe to say that Singeltary will drop his pants in anger again should his team lose to the Chiefs and fall to 0-3.

Minnesota over Detroit

-Brett Favre probably wishes he didn’t come back. Stories have circulated about Favre being pressured into coming back. But he’s 40 years old! A 40 year old shouldn’t be pressured into doing something he doesn’t want. Plus, he’s Brett Favre. Even though he played as bad as a QB can, the media still won’t criticize him. I think Favre takes his frustrations out on a very bad Detroit secondary. The Vikings defense is not nearly as lazy as the Eagles defense so the game won’t be too close. The Lions are still terrible, folks. They might be tougher to play but they remain terrible at the end of the day. Yes, the Lions are like TV’s Entourage.

New England over Buffalo

-Chan Gailey has created a clusterbleep of a running back situation in Buffalo. Gailey said he’ll go with whoever fits the game plan best. The big story though: Gailey is responsible for the return of HARVARD FITZPATRICK. Fitzpatrick has usurped Trent Edwards. Sadly, I was unable to bring Harvard back to my fantasy team in the 14 team league.

New Orleans over Atlanta

-I’m excited for this game. I think the Falcons will turn alot of heads if they shock the Saints. The Saints look very beatable. They sort of slogged their way through the Vikes game and then won on the last drive in San Francisco. Reggie Bush’s string of bad luck continued with the knee injury that’ll keep him out for 4-6 weeks. Or one could call it karma. Take your pick.

Tennessee over New York Giants

-The Giants fans should not feel particularly confident about their team. They made the Panthers look more of a threat than they actually are and the Colts completely dismantled the Giants. Vince Young had the unfortunate matchup against the Steelers defense. I wouldn’t worry too much if I’m a Titans fan; however, Chris Johnson was accused of taking the second half off though he denies it. Someone said Johnson was tired of getting hit. I don’t believe it. Chris Johnson’s one of the greatest running backs in NFL history already.

Pittsburgh over Tampa Bay

-If Raheem Morris, his coaches and players pull off a win, I will feel betrayed by logic. The Steelers proved the QB doesn’t matter because the defense isn’t going to let the team lose with Mr. Rapist on the sidelines. But who knows…the Bucs could do it. They play with a ton of heart. If it’s low scoring, the Bucs could win with a late field goal. I’m sort of talking myself into picking the Bucs. MAYBE I WILL pick the Bucs. I don’t know. I’m usually stubborn about changing a pick though.

Cincinnati over Carolina

-No way Jimmy Clausen will be as awful as Matt Moore. You know, I made some bad drafting choices in my 14 team league. I actually drafted Matt Moore. I didn’t pick Kyle Orton because Ryan Grant was available. That didn’t go well. Not all was bad in fantasy land though. The Love Isselfs won. My fantasy baseball team, the I Don’t Like The Mets, won the championship. I deserved it. I had the best roster and best pitching. In my 10 years of playing fantasy, this team ranks among the top 5 teams I drafted/assembled. Moving on now.

Baltimore over Cleveland

-The Ravens defense hasn’t allowed a touchdown this season. I feel the game is already lost for the Browns.

Houston over Dallas

-Les Bowen of the Daily News picked the Texans to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. I think the Texans finally arrived this season. This offense is Saints-esque right now. The offense was great last year but it’s even better. The defense can shut teams down too. And it’d be so awesome if the Cowboys fell to 0-3. Jerry Jones would pull a Vince McMahon and fire everyone INCLUDING the fans.

St. Louis over Washington

-Why not, you know? Bradford’s been solid. The defense is solid. The Redskins are inconsistent enough to lose this game. They are the team that the Lions beat for the first time in over a season last year. McNabb used to play in these kinds of games with the Eagles. Most notably, the Bengals tie. McNabb is not beyond being part of an embarrassing loss to the Rams.

Philadelphia over Jacksonville

-Andy Reid’s word is as reliable as his offensive line. The whole week has been nonsense for the Eagles. The McNabb trade is now meaningless. The defense likes to take naps in the 4th quarter. But whatever. I’ll still watch the team play and root for them and cheer for them. I love the Eagles. The franchise never did something like this before though. They always stuck to the plan and, suddenly, the plan has been shelved for immediacy. Maybe Banner and Lurie really are jealous of the Phillies.

Indianapolis over Denver

-I hope the Colts run defense is as bad as they were against Foster. Knowshon Moreno’s on my fantasy team. One would think the Broncos could go toe-to-toe with the Colts the way they are throwing the football but they are the Denver Broncos. But it’ll be an emotional game for the team because of the death of their teammate. I think the Colts are on a mission though. They aren’t going to lose for nine weeks.

Oakland over Arizona

-Never thought I’d see the day when Gradkowski saved a team from disaster. But I did. It happened last week. I’d like to congratulate all who drafted McFadden because he finally has played up to his potential. Here is a question: when will Max Hall replace Derek Anderson as the Cardinals starter?

San Diego over Seattle

-The Seahawks were very bad last week as expected in the preseason. The Chargers played like they should in San Diego and free of downpours. Rivers didn’t yell at his offensive line at all. Good for him. But this could be a tough game. It’s a home game for Seattle. Pete Carroll is a maniac when feeding off of the home crowd energy.

Miami over New York Jets

-The Jets are the greatest heels in the NFL right now. I wonder if Rex Ryan planned this. I want Rex Ryan to cut promos before kickoff. The Dolphins aren’t a very good 2-0 team. They can’t score but the defense is solid. This is a risky pick. I just dislike the Jets.

Green Bay over Chicago

-Devin Arshomadu said he didn’t try as hard in week 1 because it was the first game. Awesome. Glad he’s on my fantasy team. He played mostly special teams week 2. I should drop him but I’m notoriously loyal to fantasy players I drafted. I drafted Adam Lind and didn’t drop him until I needed to make room for Nelson Cruz post-DL. I think Clay Matthews is the best linebacker in the NFL. Six sacks through two weeks. Remember when Barnett and Hawk were supposed be the faces of the Packers defense?

Last Week: 10;6

Overall: 19-13

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK

           Sorry for the delay, but now it’s time once again to see what Norman is up to in this week’s Ask-A-Dinosaur!

            This will be the end of the week for Post Collegiate Apocalypse. Tomorrow a business associate and I will head into the wilds of Pennsylvania to spend the weekend engaged in mortal combat with Mother Nature and her cuddly yet deadly minions. We will forage for food during the day and when the sun sets we will take shelter in the forest canopy, far from the clutches of those which stalk the night.

             Along the way we will certainly be forced to contend with the Blair Witch and possibly even her sister, the Blair Witch II. Who knows what manner of other horrors and oddities await us in those darkened woods?

            It will take every ounce of my survival knowledge just to ensure that we even make it to Sunday, let alone home. If worst comes to worst, I may be forced to sacrifice my business associate. Even if worst doesn’t come to worst, I may have to do that anyway. Such are the perils of life in Penn’s wood. It will be exactly like that time that Bear Grylls sacrificed his business associate in order to survive the hidden temple in that dream that I had that one time. Exactly like that.

             On to the Beard of the Day!  

NBC's beloved Thursday night comedy block returned tonight featuring this guy san beard. Jons and Kates, presenting: the "John Krasinski!"

Image Credits: Krasinski