I have no life-threatening incidents to report this week so let’s get right to gabbing about movies, shall we?
So here’s the deal. You’re going to be stranded on a desert island for an undisclosed length of time. Never fear though, because you won’t be going alone. No sir. You can bring three individuals along for the trip to help you survive out there in the wild. What’s even better is that you just so happen to be living in a “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” style world where cartoons and humans live together in prefect harmony. And these days, there is one name is animation that rules benevolently over all others. Congratulations, you are permitted to bring along THREE characters from the beloved films of Pixar Animation Studios.
Pixar Edition
Those are really the only restrictions. If you want to pick three characters from “A Bug’s Life,” you just go right ahead. I mean, that would be sort of strange. It’s a good movie, but not THAT good. Hey, don’t let me tell you who to put on your boat, I’m just saying.
Of course, if you asked me my list would probably go a little something like this…
Rex
Ah yes, the beloved star of the “Toy Story” franchise. Now on the surface a small and very timid plastic dinosaur toy may seem like a strange choice to bring along in a survival situation. Rex is NO Bear Grylles after all. I can’t picture Rex diving into frozen lakes or facing off against a herd of elephants or using a deer corpse as a toboggan. Although, the thought of him doing these things is hysterical. And THAT is precisely why I want Rex. He amuses me to no end. He’s adorable and clumsy and I want those qualities on my island. Rex would be my Gilligan. After all, one of the most important aspects of survival is maintaining your sanity and what better way to do that than a few laughs with old Rexy?
Remy
Hey, survival situations aren’t all laughs and deer carcass toboggans. We’re going to need to eat eventually and who better to handle the food situation then a gourmet chef? There will be some obstacles to overcome, like the fact that Remy really only communicates with humans by pulling on their hair. I’m cool with growing my hair out a bit for the sake of conversation. There definitely won’t be a barber shop on that island so it should be too much of a problem. Another huge problem will be the fact that Remy is… well… a rat. Not in the mob movie sense either, but an honest-to-goodness rat. Now, before you go and play the species card on my, I assure you that I’m just concerned for his safety. Lots of things eat mice and I need Remy making my dinner not being turned into someone else’s. Rex won’t be very effective scary away potential mouse assassins. He’s simply too cute as we discussed above.
This brings us to our last island-mate.
Mr. Incredible
Heck yeah the enforcer! Who’s going to mess with my little buddies when Mr. Incredible’s biceps are around to keep the peace? You go that right, no one. Plus, he can rip trees out of the ground which we could use to build our super-cool shelter.
With that combination of brains, brawn, and beauty, we should be able to last three or four seasons of “Survivor” on that island. Beat that Probst.
Please feel free to share your own lists in the comment section!
How about a little Gritando en el Cine?
“Devil” stormed into theaters today straight from the slightly delusional mind of M. Night Shyamalan. I say slightly delusional after hearing the Night man himself on a local morning radio show.
Shyamalan talked at length about his perceived arrogance, likened himself to a young Hitchcock and spoke in grandiose language about the personal relationship that he has with his audience.
It’s this last one that really got me. Considering his sagging domestic box office numbers (“Last Airbender” made a bunch of money because of the cartoon not him) I find it pretty umm…arrogant to play up your ability to connect to your fans.
I used to be one of those fans too until “The Village” came along and ruined everything. Shyamalan and his team sold that tripe to me as a monster movie, so imagine my surprise when that rug was pulled out from under me at the halfway point. The twist was a joke and painfully obvious as soon as the characters started referring to those mystery boxes. I felt cheated by the whole thing. Considering the negative reaction that film got, it seems I wasn’t alone.
A few months ago, I was in a pretty full movie theater and the trailer for “Devil” came on. Everyone in the theater seemed to be enjoying it, until something happened. In huge letters “From the Mind of M. Night Shyamalan” appeared on the screen. The entire theater broke out laughing.
Now, that one theater is hardly representative of the movie going public as a whole, but the picture becomes clearer when you factor in the box office numbers and extremely adverse reception his films get from both fans and critics.
Shyamalan needs to stop writing and focus on directing. He is a talented director who has become a below average writer. He should ditch this highfalutin image that he has of himself as an auteur who reaches out and touches people’s lives. He may have once been that, but no longer. Right now he is a hack and a bad joke.
If he really wants people to stop thinking he’s arrogant he should stop using his name to sell his movies now that his name is no longer a gold standard. I will not be fooled by him again. Not after “The Happening.” As Christian Bale once famously said: “Seriously you and me, man, are done professionally.”
Let’s take a gander at this week’s Scene of Mystery!
If you correctly identify the scene, Janice will send you on an all expenses paid vacation to lovely Kuala Lampur! If you guess incorrectly, there could be grave consequences.
Ah yes, the break out star of "Inception," the painfully charming Brit and future "Mad Max" star. Mr. and Mrs. Pacmans: the "Tom Hardy!"
Thanks for reading, havea solid weekend and Vaya con dios!
Image Credits: Hardy
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