Quad Blogs

            It seems that a 14-year old Ohio teenager was robbed, at gunpoint mind you, while he was trick or treating on Saturday evening. What valuables did the boy have that the thief wanted so badly? Gold, jewels, huge… tracts of land? Wrong on all counts. The correct and most logical answer is, of course, yummy yummy candy.

            There’s only one person who hates Ohio enough to do something so heinous.  Only one super villain so cold and emotionless.

            Apparently, ruining Ohio’s NBA season just wasn’t enough for King James so he had to go after Halloween too. Somebody better make a “Leave Ohio Alone” video for this guy before he starts working on his makeshift Santa Clause costume and lashes a large horn onto a small dog’s head.

            Look, I’m not saying that this was definitely the work of King James, but a word of warning for our friends in Ohio: keep an eye on your roast beasts this holiday season.

            Ah well. Yesterday wasn’t all about losing faith in humanity. It was a day for horror movies and fortunately I was able to indulge in more than a few, including “Paranormal Activity 2.”

            I was and remain a big fan of the first entry in this franchise, but I was highly skeptical of just how a sequel would work. I mean, the ending is pretty definitive and I couldn’t understand where the story would go from there. That is, without resorting to a cheesy and clichéd girl-meets-demon romantic comedy or some type of buddy cop movie.

            Color me surprised that “Paranormal Activity 2” actually turned out to be an enjoyable, imaginative and occasionally scary follow-up to the out-of-leftfield, no-budget, haunted house sensation.

            “Paranormal Activity 2” is less of a sequel as it is a companion piece. Its plot covers the time period before, after and during the events of its predecessor. The movie documents the lives of the Rey family as they fall prey to a series of attacks from the spirit world following the birth of their young son, Hunter. The matriarch of the Rey family, Kristi, just so happens to be the sister of Katie, our heroine from the first film.

             Sticking with the “found footage” gimmick, “PA 2” consists of both handheld camera home movies and surveillance footage from the family’s security system. The security cameras are a natural expansion of the first film’s single camera set-up, giving audiences several important locales to keep track of and obsessively scan.

            That last part is the true genius of these movies. The audience is forced into a state of hyper-awareness as they analyze each scene, hoping to spot some evidence of supernatural activity; effectively building the tension themselves.

            Screenwriters Michael R. Perry, Christopher B. Landon and Tom Pabst weave their story in and out of the first film, cleverly and deftly expanding upon that film’s subtle mythology. It would have been much easier for these guys to just retell the same exact story in a different house and with different leading actors, but instead they chose the much more difficult path of fitting the two films together like puzzle pieces. I don’t see how they could possibly pull this feat off again if they choose to make a third film, but who knows? Fellow October tent pole franchise, “Saw,” has made an art form out of rewriting its own backstory to the extent that it’s had more entries with a deceased main character than a live one.     

             I can’t give them enough credit for making the story fit so well. Also, they stay true to the feeling of hopelessness that permeates the first movie, once again giddily pulling the rug out from our unsuspecting heroes as often as possible.  

            The film’s pacing is perhaps its biggest weakness. Too often it gets bogged down in some mundane details or events that seem to exist solely to pad the film’s scant 91 minute run time. After all of the filmmaker’s skillful juggling, I find it hard to be too critical of this occasional meandering. It’s simply amazing that they were able to get this movie to work at all.

            The acting isn’t really the show here, but newcomer Molly Ephraim stands out as the Rey’s teenage daughter Ali, who gets left alone on the front lines against the supernatural entity more than once. Also, it is nice to see Katie Featherston and her ill-fated beau Micah Sloat stop by again.

                If you weren’t partial to the original film, then “Paranormal Activity 2” will likely do nothing at all to convert you, but how often do sequels manage to do that anyway? If you hated the first one, why would you go see part two? If you were buying what the first one was selling, you should get a kick out of all of the surprises that this new chapter has to offer. It’s occasionally scarier than part one, especially during the climax, and the story is a feat of engineering, but the pacing is slow and the film lacks the flying-by-the-seat-of-their-pants indie charm of the original. As far as sequels go, you can do much worse.

Grade: B+

Rewatchability: Medium

Verdict: Catch it in theaters if you’ve got cash to burn, certainly worth a DVD viewing

            Vaya con dios.

Image Credits: James, PA2

             On the tube, the local basketball team has just lost to the Miami Heat, or as they’re called now: the Trinitys. In case you were wondering, the new Miami logo consists of three pictures of John Lithgow. I’m not sure they’re sending the kids the right message with that one, but what do I know?  

             Anyway, it would have been pretty sweet if the Sixers could have sent them to an 0-2 record. A noble goal and certainly one worthy of our praise and admiration. Maybe if Miami lose enough games ESPN will finally stop sending reporters to hide in LeBron James’ bushes.

            But we have no control over these things. All we can do is sit back and watch. Speaking of things over which none of us have any control, I believe you and I have some unfinished business to attend to. A question that remains unanswered. A large pizza from Papa John’s left undelivered.

            I’m of course referring to the… 2010 Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage Tournament!

            Oh yes. There will be dinosaurs. Welcome to a very special, yet abbreviated Dinosaur Wednesday!

            Welcome to the Finals. In the fuzzy wuzzy (real color, look it up) we have Rexy, the Academy Award winning star of the global animated sensation, the “Toy Story” franchise. In addition to his collaborations with Pixar, this plastic dynamo is rumored to be up for a role in Christopher Nolan’s hotly anticipated Batman sequel, “The Dark Knight Rises.” Not the best title in the world, but not bad. Better than “The Dark of the Moon” anyway. Maybe it’ll grow on me. Anyway, when he’s not besting fellow prehistoric celebrities or making hit films, Rexy like to relax at his lakeside Death Valley estate with his wife Cynthia and their son Rex Jr. and daughter Rexella.

            In the purple mountain majesty corner awaits the Mystery Contestant. Little is known about this shrouded warrior, but no one can question his or her resolve. They’ve bested some truly epic competition to make it this far in our tournament. On a personal note, I did observe the Mystery Contestant in the PCA cafeteria the other day eating a bowl of Kixx cereal, so how bad can he or she really be?

            It’s that time. The very much planned for and intended wait is over. We’ve arrived. It’s is time to summon the Algorithm to determine our winner. Remember, whichever celebrity comes out on top will take home one million dollars worth of Janice’s hoodies, a boatload of bragging rights and the grandest prize of all, will be named the GM of Dinosaur Wednesday.

          Some say that the Algorithm once scaled Mount Everest with only a television set that was showing the “T.Ocho Show.” When it reached the summit, the Algorithm promptly threw the set off the mountain. Some also say that when a tree falls in the forest, the Algorithm is always around and is, in fact, the cause of the incident.

            One person, Bob, claims that the Algorithm can smell time, but that just seems silly.  

            And now to call the Finals, we turn to the dean of the dramatic, the sultan of sound, the virtuoso of vibrating vocal chords: WWE announcer Jim Ross. Take it away Jim!

Thanks Colin. Yes sir, this is undoubtedly going to be an absolute slobber knocker tonight. We’ve got two monsters that, well honestly, don’t like each other very much. In fact, you could say that they outright despise each other. They’ve each left a brutal, burning wake of carnage in to get to this point and now they finally get to settle this thing in the ring, where it was meant to be done. Alright, the Algorithm is fired up; let’s get this thing under way!

Rexy comes out strong throwing lefts and rights and more lefts. He’s all over the place. Down goes the Mystery Contestant! Rexy’s working him over with his foot. He’s stomping a mudhole in him and walking it… NO! Counter by the Mystery Contest! He’s got Rex by the foot. Rex is in a world of trouble here. Wait a SECOND! I spoke to soon, what a kick by Rex and he is once again in control of this match. Suplex! Rex just dropped the Mystery Contestant square on its back. I can just feel the impact in my bones. And now Rex is playing to the crowd. They’re going wild, but he better get his mind back on… NO! Low blow and Rex is down! It hurts just watching that, it really does. The Mystery Contestant has Rex by the head and is now slamming his face into that diabolical, hellish steel cage. Oh this is just sick! Hey Algorithm, why don’t you just call this damn match! It’s not worth someone getting… DEAR GOD! Rex is back in this with an elbow to the gut! Rex is going for it! Bulldog! And now what’s he going to… he’s doing it! The Worm! Shades of Scotty 2 Hotty here tonight folks! Big chop to the chest! Rex is a plastic toy dinosaur possessed! He picks up the Mystery Contestant and OH my GOD! Here it comes! ROCK BOTTOM! Rex just hit the Rock Bottom and this thing is surely over! He’s going for the pin! ONE! TWO! NOO! Rex just lifted the Mystery Contestant’s shoulder! What’s he doing! NO! He’s pointing to the top of the cage! He’s climbing that menacing structure, he must be one, no two, no a million feet in the air! My GOD! Get him an oxygen tank! There’s just no damn air up there! He’s calling for it! He’s flashing the Superfly Snuka sign! He’s not going to do what I think is he? Dear GOD! He’s going to jump off that Satanic, unwavering metal monstrosity! He’s a least several hundred billion feet in the air! Don’t do IT! He jumped! Soaring majestically through the air! This is going to take a while folks. We’ll be back!

And we’re back! Rex is still plummeting towards a prone Mystery Contestant! Here comes the landing! MY GOD! MY GOD! The Mystery Contestant got his knees up! Rex is broken in half! Get the medics down here now! Mystery Contestant is going for the pin! NO! ONE! TWO! REX KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT! The Mystery Contest is clutching his long curly blonde hair in disbelief! In all my life, I’ve never seen more courage, more perseverance, more testicular fortitude than I’ve seen tonight! Rex’s ribs have to be shattered, but he won’t quit! The Mystery Contestant seems to have recovered from its shock and is now laying into Rex, who is damn near unconscious! Someone needs to stop this match! Mystery Contestant with a big boot to the stomach. Rex is hunched over prone, oh now! Mystery Contestant is setting him up for… there it is! The PEDIGREE! He hit the pedigree.  And now he’s taunting REX! Great you’ve won the match just pin him already! Where’s your soul! This is an absolute disgrace what we’re witnessing here tonight. Here he goes, finally for the pin. One. Two. Thr… NO! REX KICKED OUT! MY GOD! MY GOD! HE KICKED OUT AGAIN! THERE IS JUST NO GIVE UP IN THAT PLASTIC GREEN DINOSAUR! IN ALL MY YEARS I’VE NEVER, NEVER SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS! Rex is up and fighting back! He’s working the Mystery Contestant all across the ring! He’s setting him up and there it is! ROCK BOTTOM! He hit it again! THIS THING IS OVER! REX IS GOING FOR THE PIN! ONE! TWO! THR…! WHAT THE HELL! THE ALGORITHM STOPPED THE DAMN COUNT! NOW HE’S GOT REX! CHOKESLAM! ALL THE WAY TO HELL! DEAR GOD! BOTH COMBATANTS ARE DOWN IN THE RING! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT IS THE ALGORITHM DOING? HE’S GOT THE MYSTERY CONTESTANT AND HAS THROWN HIM ON TOP OF REX! THIS IS SICK! AND NOW HE’S COUNTING! ONE, TWO, THREE FAST COUNT AND IT’S over. The Mystery Contestant wins thanks to that damn algorithm. What is going on?! I don’t understand what it is that I’ve just seen! Wait a second! The Mystery Contestant is up! It’s reaching for its mask! What the HELL is that!? Is that a human? OH MY GOD IT’S, IT’S… NEW YORK ISLANDERS GM GARTH SNOW! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

Fade to Black

Image Credits: Logo, Ross

            It was a weekend packed to Kevin Costner’s gills with new beginnings and crushing endings.

            For the Phillies, it marked the disappointing end to their 2010 season as they were finally put to bed by the San Francisco Giants. It was a sad, but not entirely unexpected occurrence. After all, how can you expect to win the World Series when you can’t score any runs that aren’t gift wrapped for you by your opponents? If only more teams were like the Cincinnati Reds and the Atlanta Braves. They were both so happy and so willing to give of themselves for the betterment of others. It’s called sacrifice Giants. Maybe next time you won’t be so selfish.   

            The 2010 edition of the Phillies will go down as one of the most talented yet underachieving collections in franchise history. All that offensive firepower, not one or two, but THREE aces and a steady bullpen and yet no World Series ring to show for it.

            I guess it is pretty nice to be able to look at a 97-55 record, a division title and advancing to the NLCS as a failure. Goodness, is it possible that fans of the first professional sports team with 10,000 losses could possibly be getting a tad spoiled? No, I don’t think so. Not yet. Come back strong next year Phillies and for the love of God, work on some offensive consistency during the winter.

            The weekend wasn’t all disappointment, though. On Friday, I was stunned to find my brand new, fully functional Dell lap top waiting for me when I arrived home from work. Noticed that I made a point to mention Dell in there? I’m hoping for some blog sponsorship deals.

            What a computer it is! Windows 7 is very cool despite the troubling lack of Movie Maker. Seriously, Windows, what’s your angle here? Are you trying to cut off the world’s supply of insane internet videos? You may take our editing program, but you can never take our insanity! Who’s with me and more importantly, where’s my blue body paint?

            Still, I’m quite pleased with the lap top. After all, the price was right. In total my laptop, with all the bells and whistles, cost me roughly… zero dollars. Now, I’m no math whizz, but I’m pretty sure that I got those calculations correct. I assume this error with my Debit card will be rectified shortly, but as of right now, I’ve bested the system.

            For those of you keeping score at home, that makes it System: 1,045,683,013,002, Me: 1. You know what they say though, the first one is always the hardest. Now that I got that one out of the way, I feel like the tide is going to start to turn in my favor. Any second now…  you just watch.

            My old lap top had a remarkable run. It survived my crystal meth-addicted freshman year roommate drunkenly urinating on it and multiple accidental user-inflicted crashes among other cataclysms. There was this once time that I decided to clear up my computer’s hard drive by deleting programs that I had no use for. Naturally, this led to me accidentally deleting my computer’s sound driver. System Restore is a miracle worker.

            That poor computer had no business lasting 15 minutes in my perfectly incapable hands and yet it survived almost six years. For that, I’ve decided to officially retire it and raise it into the Post Collegiate Apocalypse rafters, where it will spend eternity adjacent to Simon Gagne’s playoff beard from last season. Truly a magical day for us all.  

            Moving on to a special Halloween edition of…

            Yes sir. I’ve abandoned all pretense of randomness and selected this diddy from the User Created section of Sporcle.com. Think you can name the horror movie monsters based on the actor who played them? I have yet to be beaten and this one is right in my wheelhouse. Can you do it? Can you bring down the Apocalypse? Let it begin!

Click to Enlarge

            Not bad. Not great either. I was really hoping for 100% on this one, but I’ll take this result.  Post your totals in the comment section… if you dare.

                       And now for the first Beard of the Day in some time…

In the hands of director Rob Zombie, Dr. Loomis went from badass, gun-totin' doc to a lame media hound. Ladies and germs, the fake Dr. Loomis!

             There you have it folks. It’s good to be back and as always… vaya con dios!

Image Credit: Fake Loomis

Last night was pretty special, huh?

            The Phillies are once again headed to the National League Championship series, this time after smoking the Cincinnati Reds in three straight games.

            Just think about it. We’re living through what is unarguably the greatest era in Phillies history. This is Gretzky’s Oilers and Jordan’s Bulls. Granted the Phils only have one title to their name, while those others had more then a couple. I think it’s safe to say, considering the Phillies epic and storied history of failure, one title and three straight Championship series appearances is something to write home about. 

            But, just how far can this year’s group go? Can they bring Philly another parade or will they, despite their “Lord of the Rings” pitching staff, fall painfully short?

            The Phillies will be a tough out this year for sure. Their biggest threat at this point is probably themselves. They can’t get caught reading their own press clippings or believing that their ticket to the World Series has already been punched. There’s a ton of work left to do before Chase Utley gets his chance to drop another “f” bomb on live television.

            I think they’ll be fine though. They’ve been here before and they know what it takes to win this time of year. This is a very, very entertaining team and I can’t wait to see what they do next.    

            Ah well. That’s enough waxing poetic about America’s past time. It’s time to get to another fun-filled and brain-teasing round of…

            Yes sir. Let’s see what quiz the random Sporcle.com button has in store for me this week.

            Hmm… interesting selection. Can you name the five letter things from the categories below? I shall do my best. Will you? Thus far the Apocalypse remains undefeated which certainly doesn’t bode well for the future of humanity. Will you be the first to Beat the Apocalypse? If history hold true it shouldn’t be all that hard. We’re on the honor system here so just post your score in the comment section… if you dare. Let’s see how I make out.

            Meh. History has held true. That is a very beatable score. I got caught up on the NBA teams. My mind just went absolutely blank. I typed Knicks in there more than once, I can assure you. I did achieve a few bonus answers though, which is nice, including one in the planet section.

            It’s time once again to check in on the Horror Hangman board. We had all sorts of guesses and prognostications from last week. Let’s see where we stand! Submit your letter guesses each Friday in the comment section for a chance at the super secret mystery prize!

            Before we go, it’s time for the Whoops! Of the Day!

            Notice anything wrong with this picture. One list is significantly longer than the other. Why, oh, why could that be? It seems that due to a recent bout of injuries and salary cap mismanagement, the Devils could only dress THREE forward lines instead of the requisite four. It’s pretty darn amazing to think that the Penguins had an entire extra line worth of players in this game. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen something like this before.

            Maybe New Jersey Devils GM Lou Lamoriello got confused and thought that since he was paying Ilya Kovalchuk as much as four players, Kovy actually counted as four separate people.

            He doesn’t.

            On to the Beard of the Day!

I saw this fellow on a charity commercial the other day and it reminded me of just how awesome the movie "Zodiac" was. I might just need to rewatch that. Tis the season for the "Jake Gyllenhaal!"

            That’s all for today folks. Vaya con dios.

Image Credits: Screen Bean, Gyllenhaal

Well, well, well. It seems like a certain local baseball is once again attempting to steal my thunder. I will simply not stand for these malicious intrusions into my reader’s attention! Monday, Wednesday and Friday are my days, local baseball team. We made that agreement when I took this job and you took your job way back when. 

            Now where was I? Oh yes. Welcome once again to my month-long celebration of all things Halloweeny: ¡Hola el Viernes! ¡Que ‘El Día de las Brujas’ Tiempo de las Películas!

            Let’s begin by cranking up the tunes on the old Equipo de Sonido de Películas for some Halloween movie tunes!

            The mood has been adequately set, I think so now we must mosey on over to another ghastastic edition of…

            Chris has been doing a solid job with this topic over at The Foot and rather then let him have all the fun, I’ve decided to chime in with my own personal Halloween Must Sees. If you haven’t been following his Halloween coverage in addition to his TV reviews and sports picks, I can only assume that it’s because you’ve been far too busy watching VHS tapes and rocking out to Milli Vanilli. Get with the times folks!

            Anywho, the scenario is that I’m going to be stranded on a desert island for an undisclosed amount of time. The one thing for certain is that I will be spending Halloween on that Godforsaken spit of land and will need to find ways to make merry of the season while there. So, in between carving faces on coconuts and making a “Terminator 2” costume out of palm leaves, I will need to watch a few can’t miss mood-setters.

            These are those peliculas in no particular, but VERY particular order.

                                        Halloween

            As I once famously wrote in my high school newspaper, The Carroll Times: “Come on people! Its title is the name of the holiday!” As true today as when it was written.

            How can you celebrate all hallows eve without Michael Myers, his William Shatner mask, John Carpenter’s haunting score and Donald Pleasence’s wonderful diatribes about “evil?” You just can’t. To attempt to do so is a capital offense in several, mostly imaginary countries.

                                          “Halloween” is the definitive movie of the season and one of the greatest horror films ever made.           

         Sleepy Hollow

            Tim Burton’s always had a Halloweeny type sensibility, but he kicks it into over drive for this seasonal ghost story. “Sleepy Hollow” just exudes the Halloween spirit.

            Danny Elfman’s dreary score, the occasional creepy pumpkin-headed scarecrow, a ghost on the hunt for vengeance and of course, Johnny Depp’s unique take on the famed literary character Ichabod Crane: Angela Landsberry meets action hero.

            Plus Christopher Walken as the headless horseman? 

            It’s hard to do much better.

            “Sleepy Hollow,” in my personal and certainly un-shared opinion, marks the high-water mark of the Depp/Burton collaboration. Each is at the top of their game as they pay tribute to the most wonderful time of the year.

            Eat your heart out Christmas.       

         It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

            Charlie has the strangle hold on not one but TWO seasons. You can’t forget the great things that his gang did for Christmas, but his collaboration with the Great Pumpkin, for me at least, is just as memorable.

I’ve been watching this movie each year since I was a small child and plan to continue to do so, even if it’s lying on a sandy beach with a bamboo television set and a coconut DVD player.         

            Now it’s time once again to jump on board the Guilty Pleasure Carousel! This week’s guilty pleasure is…

            That’s right. The very premise of this movie sounds like the punch line to a bad joke from the 80’s. Something along the lines of: Really? He goes on a cruise? What are they going to do with Jason next? Send him to space or something?

            And then would come the fits of laughter.

            Except that in 2001, writers became desperate enough to actually do it.

            Yes “Jason X” is utterly ridiculous. Yes it is corny and lacks the visceral thrill of some of the older entries. Yes, it’s not the franchise’s shining moment.

            All of that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun-filled and entertaining way to spend 90 minutes. Story, character-development, and any sort of pretense are all thrown by the wayside in order to focus on goofy action scenes and a bit of gore here and there.

            Honestly, when you’re making Jason in Space, how much pretense can you actually have?

            Oh, I forgot. Jason gets turned into a robot-thing at one point after his body gets blow to hell (not literally, that was part IX) by a robot.

            “Jason X” is responsible for one of the franchise’s all-time great characters: the indomitable Sgt. Brodski played to grizzled military man perfection by Peter Mensah.          Brodski gets to say things like: “it’s going to take more than a poke in the ribs to put this old dog down,” after Jason impales him with a massive spike. After Jason proceeds to impale him with a second sharp instrument, he notes sagely: “that ought to do it.”

            Gold.

            Need more convincing? At one point a character falls on a huge screw and dies. When his body is discovered by his compatriots, one points out that he is, in fact, “screwed.” Usually you need to flip the dial over to the SyFy channel and catch “Sharktopus 2: Sharktopussy” to get dialogue of that magnitude.

            Turn your brain off, relax and enjoy the ride. I promise you’ll have some fun.

            Time to take a peak at the Horror Movie Hangman Board and sees what’s going on over there.

            Last week we only got one letter guess so don’t forget to submit yours in the comment section. You can each only guess one letter per week, but as many people can guess as humanly possible. There is a super duper secret mystery prize on the line so get to guessing!

            On to the Beard of the Day!

Even the great, iconic Robert Di Nero loves him so horror movies and beards. A man after my own heart. Or in this case... "Angel Heart."

            That’s all for now! Seasons greetings, happy holidays and vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Lawn Chair, Zombie, Di Nero , Jason X

Well, it seems to me that everyone in the Greater Philadelphia area is doing one thing and one thing only right now: eagerly awaiting Dinosaur Wednesday, of course!

            What? Is there something else taking place today? Some type of sporting event, maybe? Course not.

            Can you think of a better place to start other then this week’s Outstanding Dinosaur Award? No, seriously, I’m asking you. If you can, drop me a line in the comment section and Janice will give you some of her possessions.

            Each and every single week, we give the Outstanding Dinosaur Award to the prehistoric cool cat that can get highest without drugs and can stop the world while melting with you. This week’s winner is…

            The Amargasaurus! Let’s check in with the website that always mixes business with pleasure and information with pastels: EnchatedLearning.com to learn more about the Amargasaurus.

• Name means “Lizard from La Amarga, Argentina”
• Had two rows of spines growing along its back, neck and tail
• May have been used for protection, or for mating rituals
• Spines may have had a fleshy covering. Making them sails
• Herbivore
• 33 feet long
• Weighed 5000 kg
• Walked on all fours, but its front legs were shorter than its back legs
• Lived during the early Cretaceous Period, from about 131 to 125 million years ago

            There you have it folks, the Amargasaurus! Moving right along, it looks like we will once again be without Ask-A-Dinosaur, though I have no idea where Norman is— or thinks he is— at present. I also have no clue when he’ll return. I’ll tell you what I know: it’s time to resume the 2010 Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage Tournament!

            Welcome to the Conference Finals! Only four prehistoric celebrities remain and after tonight, we will be down to only two. The winner of the tournament will receive ONE million dollars worth of Janice’s hoodies, bragging rights and most importantly of all: will be named the GM of Dinosaur Wednesday for ONE calendar year!

            Off to the first match up of the evening. In the aquamarine corner we have the star of the “Toy Story” franchise and pre-tournament favorite Rexy (4-0-0, Odds: 2-1)! Opposing him in the turquoise corner is the blood-thirsty, unquestioned king of the jungle: the T-Rex from the wonderful film “Jurassic Park!”

            In order to determine a winner, we must turn as we always do, to the patented PCA Dinosaur Algorithm. Some say that the Algorithm taught Roy Halladay everything it knows about pitching and that it once ate an entire box of Lucky Charms cereal… for dinner. The Algorithm is juiced up and ready to go. Let’s see who comes out on top!

            Rex advances once again! The pre-tournament favorite continues on to the Finals on the strength of his adorableness! Now to find out who he will be taking on.

            Our second matchup of the evening pits the youngest member of the Sinclair family, the frying pan wielding and aptly named Baby (3-0-0, Odds: 3-1) against the cryptic, unknown and potentially dangerous Mystery Contestant (2-0-0, Odds: 3-1)! This is the most even matchup we’ve seen all tournament. Who will come out on top, the television icon or the giant question mark? Algorithm, tell us what’s what! 

            The question mark does it! Baby has been knocked out and he is not pleased! He’s chasing the algorithm around the arena with a frying pan and confirming that he is, in fact, the baby at the top of his lungs! We may need the S.W.A.T. team and perhaps the National Guard to clam him down! He’s destroying the arena! Here’s what our final round will look like!

            Baby’s in firm control of the arena. He’s taken several vendors hostage and has demanded both a recount and a “Dinosaurs” movie. I’m not in position to grant either of those requests. I’m just an English major for Pete’s sake! I’m just an English major!   Quick check out this week’s ‘Jurassic Park’ Clip of the Week before he breaks the video screen!

            Oh no! He’s headed this way! Beard of the Day!

On a serious note, Flyers fans learned today that Ian Laperriere's career may be in jeopardy due to post concussion symptoms. He will likely miss this entire season and is rumored to be considering retirement. Lappy is one of the game's all time great guys yet this goes beyond the game of hockey. Hopefully he gets better for the sake of his family. Few people, if any, could match the impact that Lappy had on this city in an entire career and he did it in one year. Get better Lappy and hopefully you can get back on the ice soon.

Image Credits: Armagasaurus, Bones, Lappy

Monday is upon us once again folks. Rearing its ugly head, laughing in the face of those who enjoy sleeping in. I spent my weekend as I usually do: traversing the PA wilderness while fending off hawks and eagles and all manner of airborne, bloodthirsty, raptorial creatures.

            Also, I saw an owl.

            It did not go “who,” but in honor of Halloween, it did do its best Linda Blair impression and turned its head all the way around. I like owls. They’re like big, fluffy adorable killing machines. That last part’s not so great, but no one’s perfect. 

            I could talk your ear off about owls all day long and one day, if you’re unlucky, I just might, but that’s not what we’re here for. Let us begin with another rousing game of…  

            Yes sir! Beat the Apocalypse is back for more. The Apocalypse is up 3-0 over the readers after last week’s nail biting victory over Janice. Can I go 4-0? Let’s head over to Sporcle.com to see which random quiz I will have to try my hand at this week…

            Can you name the TV show characters from the pictures below?

            Alright pictures from the thing in my living room that shows the moving pictures. This should be good. I have six minutes… starting… NOW!

            Well that wasn’t all that great. A few of the ones that I missed were from shows that I’ve watched too. I just drew a blank. Such is the way the digital cookie crumbles. Well, what do you think? Can you do better? Can you… Beat the Apocalypse? Remember, we’re on the honor system here so just post how many you got right in the comment section and I will put my faith in you.

            Moving right along to a very special holiday edition of…

                        Reason #70 

                        Colin McGlinchey saw the 2005 horror movie “House of Wax,” which starred Paris Hilton, the chick from “24” and half the CW’s primetime lineup, in theaters not once but twice.

            Reason #31   

                        Colin McGlinchey once went trick or treating while he was a sophomore… in college.

            You and I have some business to discuss in regards to the 2010 Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage Tournament, which takes place every Wednesday right here on Quad Blogs. We all already know that the winner of the aforementioned tournament will receive ONE million dollars worth of Janice’s hoodies and a life time worth of bragging rights amongst its fellow prehi-lebrities as I like to call them. But what of the super secret mystery prize? What could it be?

            The wait is over my friends! The super, ultra mega mystery prize is: the winner of the tournament will be named the General Manager of Dinosaur Wednesday for ONE year. The General Manager will be able to do with Dinosaur Wednesday as he or she sees fit, with no interference from myself or my PCA staff. That is right; Flyers Bear will not trouble the winner at all. The new GM will be given free reign.

            What news! So exciting. This certainly puts a whole new spin on the tournament. Tune in on Wednesday to see how the Conference finals play out!    

            And now let’s see where we stand after one week of Horror Movie Hangman! Only one reader guessed a letter last week and that was Janice, who went with “e.” Remember, more then one person can guess each week, so if you’re interested in THAT super secret mystery prize, you’re not too late to join in!

Click to Enlarge

            It looks like there was one “e” on the board. Not a bad start. Take the next couple of days to mull things over and be ready to guess some more letters come Viernes!

            Finally, for a brand new Beard of the Day!

The Phillies post season begins on Wednesday evening against the Reds. Is another another magical run from this group in the cards? Here's hoping the answer is yes and it will be if this guy has anything to say about it. Tims and Jills, the "Jimmy 'J-Roll' Rollins!"

            That’s all for now! Thanks for reading and see you on Dinosaur Wednesday. Vaya con dios.

Image Credits: J-Roll

As my colleague Chris pointed out yesterday over at The Foot, Halloween is upon us folks! Yes, in just a short 30 days, the young and the young at heart everywhere will gorge themselves into a sugar-induced coma, while dressed in all sorts of crazy and outlandish costumes.

            The kind of get ups Lady Gaga calls as her “walking around clothes.”

            Anyway, in honor of All Hallows Eve, I’ve decided to cancel Peliculas con Viernes for the month. I know. This is quite a sad day indeed. In place of that, each Friday I will be presenting to you: ¡Hola el Viernes! ¡Que ‘El Día de las Brujas’ Tiempo de las Películas!

            Just rolls right off the tongue doesn’t it?

            Let’s start things off by firing up the Equipo de Sonido de Películas for some rousing Halloween movie tunes!

            Now to a spook-tacular version of…

            Now, you’re probably thinking that the last thing you would want to do get stranded on a desert island with a monster, let alone three of them. Well, too bad. Thems the breaks kiddo. You’re going to that desert island with three cinematic baddies of your choosing and that’s the long and the short of it. Now finish your sundae and get picking.

            If our roles were reversed and it was I going to that God forsaken little spit of land in the middle of the ocean, here’s who I would bring along for the ride in no specific (yet highly specific) order.

        Freddy Krueger

           Freddy is a rather amusing character. He would certainly be good to drop a few one liners and to keep us entertained while we wait for help to arrive. Another and decidedly more important thing: if we don’t bring him along, he’s just going to invite himself along anyway and haunt our dreams for the duration of the trip. It’s just what he does when he gets angry. I’d rather have him on the island and listen to him go on about what it was like to work with Roseanne and Tom Arnold, than have him show up in my dreams with malicious intentions. If I have to be stuck on an island with a bunch of maniacs, I want to at least be able to sleep peacefully at night.                   

        Leatherface

           First of all, that chainsaw would be mighty useful when it comes to felling trees to build our shelter. Our swanky digs would make the Swiss Family Robinson look like the freakin’ Donner Party by the time ol’ Leatherface was done with things.

            Even better then the chainsaw is the fact that Leatherface’s family is famous around the world for their exquisite barbecue. The only downside is that the meat if often of, shall we say, questionable origins?

         Frankenstein

            Frankenstein is a big strong guy, which is always beneficial to have around in a survival situation. He could assist Leatherface with the manual labor, while Freddy and I handle the intellectual aspects of tree fortress building. Also depending on the island’s vegetation situation (great band name), his green complexion could be used to alert rescue planes to our location. 

            Plus we could teach him to do this…

            So there you have it! Desert Island Essentials: Movie Monster Edition. Feel free to share your own lists below in the comment section! Time for another spin on the Guilty Pleasure Carousel!   

            This week, I’m hoping on board the “House of Wax” (2005) horsey.

            A group of too-attractive “teens” get sidetracked on their way to a football game and end up in small town that lives and dies by the local wax museum. Creepy, stylish and call me a newb if you must, but I honestly didn’t see the twist at the end coming.

            Go ahead and laugh. Remind me that Paris Hilton was in this movie alongside Chazz Michael Michaels and the rest of the CW’s primetime lineup. All that being true, you know what? I still enjoyed the heck out of it. “House of Wax” is nothing more then a good, old fashioned 80’s style slasher flick with a bit more polish and a higher effects budget.

            I’ll go one step further and admit to following the MTV reality show “Movie Life” which followed the making of the film. I even watched the episode that took place after production on the film was finished and Jared Padalecki was forced to pretend to be interested in how theatrical posters were made.

            If you need a horror movie to watch in celebration of Halloween and haven’t seen “House of Wax,” I think you could do a lot worse. You could watch an Alexandre Aja movie for example. It begins again Aja! Your move! AJAAAAAAA!

            Want to get your horror movie on, but tired of hanging out in your parent’s basement? I know I do and am! Here’s a full list of all the genre pics due out over the course of Shocktober!

Shocktober 1

• Let Me In
• Hatchet II
• Case 39

Shocktober 8

• My Soul to Take
• I Spit on Your Grave

Shocktober 22

• Paranormal Activity 2

Shocktober 29

• Saw 3-D
• Monsters

Dates courtesy of Joblo.com

            On to Horror Movie Hangman! You can each guess one letter per week and submit it in the comment section. Each Monday, I will post updates to show which letters were right and which were wrong. The person who correctly identifies the movie title in question will receive a possibly valuable mystery prize to be determined later.

            Here’s the board! Have at it folks!

Click to Enlarge

           Now for a very special Beard of the Day.

The man who made "evil" a three syllable word. No one did unrelenting paranoia better than this guy. Gavins and Staceys, the legendary Dr. Sam Loomis from "Halloween!"

           That’s all for this week. Thanks for reading, have a safe an productive weekend and, as always, vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Pumpkin, Island, Castle, Dr. Loomis

The Phillies are in the playoffs, the Flyers are on the tube and Dinosaur Wednesday is live (not really) and ready to go!

            First up is the Outstanding Dinosaur Award. Each week this honor is bestowed upon the dinosaur that could out maneuver The Stig and kick the beard off of Chuck Norris with a vicious roundhouse kick. At the SAME TIME!

            This week’s Outstanding Dinosaur is…

            The Parasaurolophus! Let’s get just the facts about this chap from our good, pastel-loving friends over at EnchantedLearning.com.

• 40 feet long, 8 feet tall at the hips
• Weighed about 2 tons
• Name means: “Beside Saurolophus (Crested Lizard)”
• Had an extremely long (up to SIX feet), hollow, bony crest attached to the back of its skull
• The crest may have been used to produce a fog-horn like trumpet sound, to enhance its sense of smell or for display in mating rituals
• Its back was notched slightly at the spot where the crest would make contact when it leaned its head backwards
• Duck-billed dinosaur
• Had no natural defenses, but possessed excellent sight and hearing
• Lived during the late Cretaceous Period, about 76-65 Million years ago, toward the end of the Mesozoic Era
• Herbivore
• Lived in North America (Alberta, Canada and Utah and New Mexico, USA)
• Walked and ran on two legs, but may have dropped to all fours to eat

            So there you have it! The Parasaurolophus! Norman, our Dinosaur Wednesday drummer and the host of Ask-A-Dinosaur is on vacation in tropical South Dakota this week, but he will return next week. In the meantime, let’s resume the 2010 Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage tournament!

            This week features two absolutely TITANIC match ups containing FOUR pre-historic pre-tournament tournament favorites, two of whom will be going home when by night’s end. Remember, the winner of the tournament will receive one million dollars worth of Janice’s hoodies, an ample amount of bragging rights and a super-secret mystery prize! The Mystery prize will be revealed THIS MONDAY! Tune in to Big Reveal Monday to find out what it is!

            As always, the winner of each match up is determined by the patented PCA Dinosaur Algorithm. Some say that the Algorithm recently led his videogame Columbus Blue Jackets to the Stanley Cup title in… “NHL12.”

            Our first clash of the evening features Earl Sinclair (PCGM Record: 2-0-0, Odds: 30-1), the patriarch from the classic 90’s sitcom “Dinosaurs” lining up in the mauve corner. Opposite him in the nacho cheese orange corner is the fearsome, car-choppin’, goat-stompin’ T-Rex (PCGM Record: 2-0-0, Odds: 15-1) from the first “Jurassic Park” film! It’s time to fire up the Algorithm and see what’s what!

            The T-Rex wins it! 90’s cinema has bested 90’s television in the ultimate pop culture war! I’m very nearly breathless right now, but there is another match to consider. That’s right folks, we’re not done yet.

            Standing tall in the apricot corner is Trixie, the tri-horned co-star of the summer blockbuster “Toy Story 3!” Lurking in the sea foam green corner is her opponent. He’s armed to the teeth with frying pans and one liners, Baby Sinclair! Baby’s just watched his father get beaten by someone other then himself, which will no doubt have him in quite the foul mood. Are you there Algorithm, it’s your legions of adoring fans! Tell us who comes out on top!

            Baby does the Sinclair family proud! Our conference finals are set, let’s take a gander at the big board to see where we stand at this juncture!

            Cool beans folks. Things are tightening up and the revelation of the mystery prize on Monday should only make things crazier. Now off to the ‘Jurassic Park’ Clip of the Week!

            And finally, a brand spanking new Beard of the Day!

This guy has long claimed that he couldn't grow a full beard, giving hope to facial hair-challenged individuals everywhere. Then this happened. Still he kicks butt, Chances, Shadows and Sassys: the "Johnny Depp!"

            That’s all for now. I will see you on Friday with another edition of Peliculas con Viernes!

Image Credits: Para comp, para pic, Depp   

Somehow, be it through divine intervention, cosmic alignment or just flat out dumb luck, my business associate and I survived our weekend in the wilds of Pennsylvania.

            You may stand and cheer. If you have a cap, please feel free to toss it up in the air. While you do all that, I will feign modesty and half-heartedly attempt to silence you, even though I’m secretly basking in the glow of your admiration.

            Admittedly, it was a harsh and furious battle, but when the sun set, it was once again man standing triumphantly over a felled and bruised Mother Nature. The odds were stacked against us from the get go. At least that’s what famed Hollywood producer Drake Stone told me. He had the two of us emerging unscathed from the timberlands at 10,000-1. Apparently, there was a nice side-wager going on that I would contract some manner of flesh-eating virus, while my esteemed colleague would fall victim to demonic possession and attempt to swallow my soul.

            I would like to say that I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I am not. Though believe me, when someone gives you 30-1 odds that a year from now authorities will find a videotape of me saying: “I’m so scared right now,” while wearing a winter cap, you darn well better take them. Heck, I would have had Drake informed me of his latest inquest into the wide and wonderful world of bookmaking.

            I had my doubts about this weekend before it even began. My esteemed colleague had selected a campsite from her youth and vehemently assured me that it was an absolute necessity that we provide our own fire wood. Naturally, I was confused by the idea of bringing our own wood with us into the woods. Would we not be surrounded by trees, all of whom would be eager to provide us with kindling? Apparently, there was no wood in the woods where we were going.

            I was terrified.

            Of course, we arrived to find wood, though it was not in abundant supply and the homegrown stuff certainly came in handy. We also arrived to discover that our campsite was infested with a family of black bears. The largest of the brutes reared back on its hind legs and growled something fierce at me in a language I could not possibly comprehend.

            Just as I was deciding whether it would be best to utilize my colleague as a human shield or as a human sacrifice, I remembered something useful and undeniably practical that I learned in my Conventions of Reading and Writing Course. This was one of the core courses needed to achieve an English major at West Chester University.

            In that class, my professor spent the better part of a month detailing the habits and culture of the Pennsylvania Black Bear. Naturally, it came as no surprise to me that I found myself in the real world making use of something I learned in an English course. It’s happened so often that I’ve simply stopped keeping track.

            In any case, I listened closely to what the bear was trying to tell me and imagine my embarrassment, when I realized the problem. My colleague and I were in the wrong campsite! It was us who had intruded upon the black bears, not the other way around! They were simply trying to enjoy a weekend out as a family, something that has been hard to come by since the father’s recent promotion.

            We bade the family well and moved to our campsite, which was located right next door.

            From there things went pretty much to plan. We spent the weekend dining on lobster, steak and iced tea, all of which had been prepared over a roaring campfire. Songs were sung, the political climate of Nicaragua was debated long into the evening, Scrabble was played and cheated at. Basically, all of the usual things that you do while camping.

            And so here I am. Alive, well and refreshed. I’m sure that my colleague will attempt to convince you that I’ve embellished or fabricated these events in some way or another, but I can assure you that what I’ve told you is in NO WAY NOT not the truth.

            That has to mean something.           

            Moving on to another round of…

              Despite two rather uninspiring efforts thus far, the Apocalypse holds a commanding 2-0 lead over you, the loyal readers. Fight back and post your results in the comment section! There is no need for fancy power point graphics, just say how many you got right. That’s all! Let’s see which completely random Sporcle.com quizz I will have to tackle this week…

             Can You Name the Famous Foursomes…4?

            At least it’s not Lady Gaga. I shall do my best!

               Well that wasn’t great, but I did get more than half right. Apparently, Celsius is an extremely difficult word to spell under duress. How say you? Can you do better? Can you Beat the Apocalypse? Have at it! 

              On to the Beard of the Day!

He's on the mound right now as the Phillies look to clinch the NL East for the fourth year in a row! Can they do it? Can he carry them on his back once again? Lucys and Rickys, here he is, the eventual NL Cy Young winner himself, the "Roy Halladay!"

            That’s all for today! See you on Wednesday for the best day of the week, Dinosaur Wednesday! Vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Halladay