Quad Blogs

Last night was pretty special, huh?

            The Phillies are once again headed to the National League Championship series, this time after smoking the Cincinnati Reds in three straight games.

            Just think about it. We’re living through what is unarguably the greatest era in Phillies history. This is Gretzky’s Oilers and Jordan’s Bulls. Granted the Phils only have one title to their name, while those others had more then a couple. I think it’s safe to say, considering the Phillies epic and storied history of failure, one title and three straight Championship series appearances is something to write home about. 

            But, just how far can this year’s group go? Can they bring Philly another parade or will they, despite their “Lord of the Rings” pitching staff, fall painfully short?

            The Phillies will be a tough out this year for sure. Their biggest threat at this point is probably themselves. They can’t get caught reading their own press clippings or believing that their ticket to the World Series has already been punched. There’s a ton of work left to do before Chase Utley gets his chance to drop another “f” bomb on live television.

            I think they’ll be fine though. They’ve been here before and they know what it takes to win this time of year. This is a very, very entertaining team and I can’t wait to see what they do next.    

            Ah well. That’s enough waxing poetic about America’s past time. It’s time to get to another fun-filled and brain-teasing round of…

            Yes sir. Let’s see what quiz the random Sporcle.com button has in store for me this week.

            Hmm… interesting selection. Can you name the five letter things from the categories below? I shall do my best. Will you? Thus far the Apocalypse remains undefeated which certainly doesn’t bode well for the future of humanity. Will you be the first to Beat the Apocalypse? If history hold true it shouldn’t be all that hard. We’re on the honor system here so just post your score in the comment section… if you dare. Let’s see how I make out.

            Meh. History has held true. That is a very beatable score. I got caught up on the NBA teams. My mind just went absolutely blank. I typed Knicks in there more than once, I can assure you. I did achieve a few bonus answers though, which is nice, including one in the planet section.

            It’s time once again to check in on the Horror Hangman board. We had all sorts of guesses and prognostications from last week. Let’s see where we stand! Submit your letter guesses each Friday in the comment section for a chance at the super secret mystery prize!

            Before we go, it’s time for the Whoops! Of the Day!

            Notice anything wrong with this picture. One list is significantly longer than the other. Why, oh, why could that be? It seems that due to a recent bout of injuries and salary cap mismanagement, the Devils could only dress THREE forward lines instead of the requisite four. It’s pretty darn amazing to think that the Penguins had an entire extra line worth of players in this game. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen something like this before.

            Maybe New Jersey Devils GM Lou Lamoriello got confused and thought that since he was paying Ilya Kovalchuk as much as four players, Kovy actually counted as four separate people.

            He doesn’t.

            On to the Beard of the Day!

I saw this fellow on a charity commercial the other day and it reminded me of just how awesome the movie "Zodiac" was. I might just need to rewatch that. Tis the season for the "Jake Gyllenhaal!"

            That’s all for today folks. Vaya con dios.

Image Credits: Screen Bean, Gyllenhaal

Monday is upon us once again folks. Rearing its ugly head, laughing in the face of those who enjoy sleeping in. I spent my weekend as I usually do: traversing the PA wilderness while fending off hawks and eagles and all manner of airborne, bloodthirsty, raptorial creatures.

            Also, I saw an owl.

            It did not go “who,” but in honor of Halloween, it did do its best Linda Blair impression and turned its head all the way around. I like owls. They’re like big, fluffy adorable killing machines. That last part’s not so great, but no one’s perfect. 

            I could talk your ear off about owls all day long and one day, if you’re unlucky, I just might, but that’s not what we’re here for. Let us begin with another rousing game of…  

            Yes sir! Beat the Apocalypse is back for more. The Apocalypse is up 3-0 over the readers after last week’s nail biting victory over Janice. Can I go 4-0? Let’s head over to Sporcle.com to see which random quiz I will have to try my hand at this week…

            Can you name the TV show characters from the pictures below?

            Alright pictures from the thing in my living room that shows the moving pictures. This should be good. I have six minutes… starting… NOW!

            Well that wasn’t all that great. A few of the ones that I missed were from shows that I’ve watched too. I just drew a blank. Such is the way the digital cookie crumbles. Well, what do you think? Can you do better? Can you… Beat the Apocalypse? Remember, we’re on the honor system here so just post how many you got right in the comment section and I will put my faith in you.

            Moving right along to a very special holiday edition of…

                        Reason #70 

                        Colin McGlinchey saw the 2005 horror movie “House of Wax,” which starred Paris Hilton, the chick from “24” and half the CW’s primetime lineup, in theaters not once but twice.

            Reason #31   

                        Colin McGlinchey once went trick or treating while he was a sophomore… in college.

            You and I have some business to discuss in regards to the 2010 Prehistoric Celebrity King of the Steel Cage Tournament, which takes place every Wednesday right here on Quad Blogs. We all already know that the winner of the aforementioned tournament will receive ONE million dollars worth of Janice’s hoodies and a life time worth of bragging rights amongst its fellow prehi-lebrities as I like to call them. But what of the super secret mystery prize? What could it be?

            The wait is over my friends! The super, ultra mega mystery prize is: the winner of the tournament will be named the General Manager of Dinosaur Wednesday for ONE year. The General Manager will be able to do with Dinosaur Wednesday as he or she sees fit, with no interference from myself or my PCA staff. That is right; Flyers Bear will not trouble the winner at all. The new GM will be given free reign.

            What news! So exciting. This certainly puts a whole new spin on the tournament. Tune in on Wednesday to see how the Conference finals play out!    

            And now let’s see where we stand after one week of Horror Movie Hangman! Only one reader guessed a letter last week and that was Janice, who went with “e.” Remember, more then one person can guess each week, so if you’re interested in THAT super secret mystery prize, you’re not too late to join in!

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            It looks like there was one “e” on the board. Not a bad start. Take the next couple of days to mull things over and be ready to guess some more letters come Viernes!

            Finally, for a brand new Beard of the Day!

The Phillies post season begins on Wednesday evening against the Reds. Is another another magical run from this group in the cards? Here's hoping the answer is yes and it will be if this guy has anything to say about it. Tims and Jills, the "Jimmy 'J-Roll' Rollins!"

            That’s all for now! Thanks for reading and see you on Dinosaur Wednesday. Vaya con dios.

Image Credits: J-Roll

Somehow, be it through divine intervention, cosmic alignment or just flat out dumb luck, my business associate and I survived our weekend in the wilds of Pennsylvania.

            You may stand and cheer. If you have a cap, please feel free to toss it up in the air. While you do all that, I will feign modesty and half-heartedly attempt to silence you, even though I’m secretly basking in the glow of your admiration.

            Admittedly, it was a harsh and furious battle, but when the sun set, it was once again man standing triumphantly over a felled and bruised Mother Nature. The odds were stacked against us from the get go. At least that’s what famed Hollywood producer Drake Stone told me. He had the two of us emerging unscathed from the timberlands at 10,000-1. Apparently, there was a nice side-wager going on that I would contract some manner of flesh-eating virus, while my esteemed colleague would fall victim to demonic possession and attempt to swallow my soul.

            I would like to say that I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I am not. Though believe me, when someone gives you 30-1 odds that a year from now authorities will find a videotape of me saying: “I’m so scared right now,” while wearing a winter cap, you darn well better take them. Heck, I would have had Drake informed me of his latest inquest into the wide and wonderful world of bookmaking.

            I had my doubts about this weekend before it even began. My esteemed colleague had selected a campsite from her youth and vehemently assured me that it was an absolute necessity that we provide our own fire wood. Naturally, I was confused by the idea of bringing our own wood with us into the woods. Would we not be surrounded by trees, all of whom would be eager to provide us with kindling? Apparently, there was no wood in the woods where we were going.

            I was terrified.

            Of course, we arrived to find wood, though it was not in abundant supply and the homegrown stuff certainly came in handy. We also arrived to discover that our campsite was infested with a family of black bears. The largest of the brutes reared back on its hind legs and growled something fierce at me in a language I could not possibly comprehend.

            Just as I was deciding whether it would be best to utilize my colleague as a human shield or as a human sacrifice, I remembered something useful and undeniably practical that I learned in my Conventions of Reading and Writing Course. This was one of the core courses needed to achieve an English major at West Chester University.

            In that class, my professor spent the better part of a month detailing the habits and culture of the Pennsylvania Black Bear. Naturally, it came as no surprise to me that I found myself in the real world making use of something I learned in an English course. It’s happened so often that I’ve simply stopped keeping track.

            In any case, I listened closely to what the bear was trying to tell me and imagine my embarrassment, when I realized the problem. My colleague and I were in the wrong campsite! It was us who had intruded upon the black bears, not the other way around! They were simply trying to enjoy a weekend out as a family, something that has been hard to come by since the father’s recent promotion.

            We bade the family well and moved to our campsite, which was located right next door.

            From there things went pretty much to plan. We spent the weekend dining on lobster, steak and iced tea, all of which had been prepared over a roaring campfire. Songs were sung, the political climate of Nicaragua was debated long into the evening, Scrabble was played and cheated at. Basically, all of the usual things that you do while camping.

            And so here I am. Alive, well and refreshed. I’m sure that my colleague will attempt to convince you that I’ve embellished or fabricated these events in some way or another, but I can assure you that what I’ve told you is in NO WAY NOT not the truth.

            That has to mean something.           

            Moving on to another round of…

              Despite two rather uninspiring efforts thus far, the Apocalypse holds a commanding 2-0 lead over you, the loyal readers. Fight back and post your results in the comment section! There is no need for fancy power point graphics, just say how many you got right. That’s all! Let’s see which completely random Sporcle.com quizz I will have to tackle this week…

             Can You Name the Famous Foursomes…4?

            At least it’s not Lady Gaga. I shall do my best!

               Well that wasn’t great, but I did get more than half right. Apparently, Celsius is an extremely difficult word to spell under duress. How say you? Can you do better? Can you Beat the Apocalypse? Have at it! 

              On to the Beard of the Day!

He's on the mound right now as the Phillies look to clinch the NL East for the fourth year in a row! Can they do it? Can he carry them on his back once again? Lucys and Rickys, here he is, the eventual NL Cy Young winner himself, the "Roy Halladay!"

            That’s all for today! See you on Wednesday for the best day of the week, Dinosaur Wednesday! Vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Halladay 

            Well, I’ve got some good news Joeys and Rachels.

            No, sadly I have not found a way to turn my English degree into a license to print money. I’m still grappling with the pickle matrix on that one and it remains a work in progress.

            I’m proud to announce that after spending several hours on hold and losing 2 ¾ phones to dead batteries; Microsoft has agreed to fix my XBOX 360 for the second time at no cost to me! It seems that my console had another 11 days remaining under warranty, so if it had to break on me (and apparently it did), now was certainly the time.

            This is truly grand news because it means that, in a little under a month, I will be able to disappear into the depths of my basement, far from the reaches of sunlight and immerse myself in “NHL 11.”

            Goodbye reality, hello computer-generated hockey. I missed you so much.

            Now, you’re not here to listen to me drooling all over my keyboard about my impending descent into videogame-induced isolation. Hardly. You want to know the answer to last week’s Scene of Mystery and I will give that to you. After another round of…

            That’s right! I will select a quiz completely at random from noted post collegiate time-passer Sporcle.com and post the results. Of course, I’d love it if you would head on over there and try the quiz yourself and post your results in the comments section. Do you have what it takes to Beat the Apocalypse? We shall see…

            This week’s random quiz is… Can you name the Lady Gaga songs by their First Line? Oh boy. This is going to be a disaster, but here we go! I have FIVE minutes!

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             Wow. Just 3 of 22. That was, as I anticipated, a disaster. Apparently my Lady Gaga knowledge is not up to snuff. What do you think? Can you do better? Can you Beat the Apocalypse? It shouldn’t be hard, yet the gauntlet has been thrown down!

            Moving on. Are you the head of a multibillion dollar corporation with money to burn? Do you absolutely need a recent college graduate with a degree and a minor in dying industries? Well you’re in luck because here I am! Need more convincing? Well here are two more of the…

            Reason #33

            Colin McGlinchey has an English degree but can’t tell you what a gerund is.

            Reason #71

            Colin McGlinchey once made a pair of shoes out of green electrical tape and wore them to high school. 

            Your move companies. I await your lucrative contract offers.

            And now it’s time for the main event, the big enchilada, the mucho guapo oso: the answer to the Scene of Mystery!

            First, a quick recap of the answers we received.

            Chris and Bryan each figured that my Shyamalan rant was an elaborate misdirection effort and so they guessed “The Village” and “The Last Airbender” respectively. Janice seems to have temporarily unhitched her bandwagon from the “Terminator 2” bandwagon and gone instead with the Pixar film “A Bug’s Life.” Will Janice finally score a victory or will she be forced into yet another undesirable career position? Let’s fire up the Youtube clip and find out!

            Oh no! The correct answer is “The Happening!” Both Chris and Bryan were clever enough to see through my smokescreen, but they each picked the wrong Night Man movie. Still, there will be no penalty for their incorrect answer, because they were both quite close. Janice was, as per the usual, completely off. As a result of her actions, she will now be forced to ghost write the Garth Snow autobiography “The Snow Man Cometh: How to Win to Make Glen Sather Look Reasonable.”  So goes this week’s Scene of Mystery! Thanks to all who played!

            And now for the Beard of the Day!

He fought for Troy against the Greeks, ignoring the overwhelming odds. He fought for his wimpy kid brother. He fought for freedom! Bouys and gulls, the "Hector!" ummm... I mean Eric Bana. Hector.

            That’s all for today! Thanks for stopping by and vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Bana

Football season is upon us once again my friends! Truth be told, it actually began on Thursday, but honestly Thursday isn’t for football. It’s for “Must See TV” and gym class. Well, it was for gym class during my grade school days, but all of this is just beside the point and the point is that football is back and that can only mean one thing…

            We are less then TWO weeks away from the start of preseason hockey!

            It feels like just yesterday that my heart was ripped from my chest and stomped on by that little mullet-headed weasel and his cronies from Chicago after a long, occasionally exhilarating and often times excruciating season. Now we get the chance to endure it all over again.

            Ah the wonderful world of sports fandom. Anywho, this is all just a long-winded way of warning you that my 2010-2011 Flyers Season Preview will be up on Thursday so if you have no interest in hockey you may want to make other plans. I’m naturally assuming that you organize your own social calendar around this blog just as I do.

            Of course you do, now let’s find out the answer to Friday’s Quote of Mystery! Remember, we’re playing today for a lifetime supply of free movie tickets courtesy of Janice!

            First we should do a quick recap. Chris guessed that the quote came from “Red Dawn,” while Bryan guessed “Rocky IV.” Janice continued to beat the “Terminator 2” drum. Will she finally be right or is she just chasing waterfalls? Let’s find out using the patented PCA De-Scramblatron!

            “Hot Shots: Part Deux!” I never saw that coming! That film, of course, starred Charlie Sheen of “Red Dawn” fame and parodies Sylvester Stallone’s “Rambo” franchise. Bryan and Chris were so close, but sadly, the same can not be said for Janice. As a result of her actions, she must now spend the next four months as personal assistant to Megan Fox! Her duties will include pretending Fox is a legitimate actress, tracking down scripts that involve lots of standing around/pouting and sending threatening letters to Michael Bay and his family. Enjoy, Janice and thanks for playing Quote of Mystery!

            How about another round of…

            Reason #2           

            Colin McGlinchey has a Flyers name/number T-shirt for everyday of the week… including Funday.

            Reason #44

            Colin McGlinchey once led the Minnesota Wild to TWO Stanley Cup titles in four years while playing the videogame “NHL 10.” 

            We all know that Sporcle.com quizzes are one of the best ways to fritter away the Post Collegiate hours. Whatever you’re into, the chances are good that Sporcle has a quiz for it. It is in honor of this fantastic website that I present to you Beat the Apocalypse!   Each Monday I will select a Sporcle quiz at random and answer it as best I can. I will then post the results here and invite you to see if you can best my score.

            This week’s random Sporcle quiz is…

            Now, I swear that I clicked the random quiz button and this is what I got. “Can you Name the Rocky Balboa Opponents!”

            Alright, I have two minutes. Here we go!

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          6 out of 13! I’m disappointed with myself. It would appear that I need to see “Rocky III” again, considering I forgot everyone he fought in that movie. Oh well. Now it’s your turn! Can you Beat the Apocalypse?

            That is a morbid-sounding name. It does not seem good. I just might need to change that.

            Time for the Beard of the Day!

In honor of yet another Phillies win, I humbly give you one of the all-time great Phillies (beards). Clarissas and Fergusons, the "Eric Bruntlett!"

            That’s all for today. Thanks for reading and tune in tomorrow for an all new Ask-A-Dinosaur! Vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Bruntlett, Topper

Last night I went to see the Justin Long/ Drew Barrymore long distance relationship comedy “Going the Distance” and I must say that I was thoroughly entertained. It had the feel of a Judd Apatow movie with its romantic hook and its stellar supporting cast. It was certainly the best comedy that I’ve seen in theaters in a long time and definitely worth checking out.

            The supporting cast is anchored by Charlie Day, one of the stars of the TV series “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and the great Christina Applegate. Day has a small-ish part as Justin Long’s roommate, but he steals every scene that he’s in with his unique brand of goofball humor. Applegate stops by as Barrymore’s OCD, neat-freak but lovable sister.

            My biggest problem with the movie involves a certain character having little trouble finding a job in a certain dying industry that a certain Dinosaur Wednesday blogger is trying to find a job in. On top of that, another character also ends up with their own dream job. All of this just felt a little too much like a plot device. I would have preferred that the movie didn’t wrap everything up so easily and better depicted the tough times of the present job market. Then again, maybe I’m trying too hard to make this a different movie. Still, “Going the Distance” was so well written that I think they could have pulled this off serious note without losing any of the comedic edge. 

            Grade: B+

            Rewatchability: Medium

            Verdict: Worth a trip to the theater for sure, can’t miss on DVD   

            Now it’s time to find out if we had any winners from last week’s Scene of Mystery! Last week, Chris was lucky enough to take home one MILLION dollars worth of Janice Redington’s stuffed animals. Our new fabulous grand prize is now two MILLION dollars worth of Janice’s class room supplies!

            Bryan guessed that this week’s Scene of Mystery came from the beloved Tony Danza Disney comedy “The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon.” Chris thought that the Scene of Mystery came from the not-quite-so beloved Wes Craven werewolf movie “Cursed,” which starred Christina Ricci’s forehead. Lastly, Janice threw caution and common sense to the wind and went once again with “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.”

            As if the Scene of Mystery would be the same for two weeks in a row. I don’t know what kind of two-bit operation she thinks we’re running here.

            Let’s go to the big screen and see what the correct answer was!

            The correct answer is the fantastic final chapter in the “Rocky” saga, “Rocky Balboa,” which starred Sylvester Stallone and Milo Ventimiglia! Since no one guessed the correct answer, it seems that Janice’s school supplies are safe for now.

            As for punishments, well it seems foolish to punish Bryan because both his guess and the correct answer are beloved Philadelphia icons. As for Chris, well you will of course remember that Milo Ventimiglia starred in both “Rocky Balboa” AND “Cursed,” so how could he be penalized? Sadly, Janice’s guess wasn’t even close to being correct. As punishment, Janice will now be forced to spend next season managing the Pittsburgh Pirates baseball club.

            It’s time once again for…

            Reason #6

            Colin McGlinchey scored 145 out of 195 on the Sporcle.com “Countries of the World” quiz.

            Reason #99

            Colin McGlinchey once spent twelve hours making the eight hour car ride from SE Pennsylvania to North Carolina. He did this despite not hitting any major traffic jams and making only minimal stops for food and fuel.

            On to the Beard of the Day!

He wants you to take the day off, watch some baseball and for the love of God save him a hamburger! Bonnies and Clydes, the "Uncle Sam!"

            That’s all for now. Tune in tomorrow for the highly anticipated debut of “Chinese Democracy!” Ummm… I mean… Ask-A-Dinosaur!

            Vaya con dios.

Image Credits: Uncy Sam

            It was a busy week for the crew at the Scene of Mystery headquarters as we were forced to shift through a veritable avalanche of guesses. The actual number isn’t important, but I can say with robust certainty that it was squeezed somewhere in the 0-1000 range.

            Well, wait no further my friends! Here is the answer to last Friday’s overwhelmingly, profoundly successful Scene of Mystery!

            My God Christopher wins! Christopher wins! The first ever correct answer to the Scene of Mystery is “Terminator 2: Judgment Day!” This is an absolutely shocking development! Chris wins ONE tanker boat full of Janice’s stuffed animals! Sensational! Congratulations on your correct answer Chris!  

            Now, because Janice guessed incorrectly once again this week (that’s right, not guessing counts as a wrong answer) harsh punishment will be leveled in her general direction. For her failure, Janice will be forced to spend three business days listening to snooty French horror director Alexandre Aja gloating over me giving his latest film, “Piranha 3-D,” a B rating. Ear plugs will NOT be provided.

            Continuing in the proud tradition of Big Reveal Monday, Post Collegiate Apocalypse is proud to reveal to you 101 Reasons to Hire Colin McGlinchey! Brace yourselves companies in need of an Entertainment/Hockey writer. This one is for you…

            Reason #46

                        Colin McGlinchey has forgotten more about “Terminator 2” then the entire population of Luxembourg combined ever knew.

            Reason #12

                        Colin McGlinchey can read a 300 page book in less than ONE month. 

            I can already hear the phone ringing off the hook with million dollar a year job offers. I’m holding out for TWO million a year PLUS an entire battalion of pet cats. Your move companies.

            And now for the conclusion of “Beatles Week” on Beard of the Day!

I'd like to be under the sea. In an octopus' garden in the shade. He'd let us in, knows where we've been. In his octopus' garden in the shade... umm... where was I? Oh yes! Ladies and gentlemen, the "Ringo Starr!"

            Vaya con dios.

            The PCA offices were literally inundated with two guesses at this week’s Scene of Mystery. Chris guessed “Heavy Weights,” the delightful 1995 comedy about a troup of kids doing their best to survive a fat camp run by a crazed fitness nut. Janice shocked the world this week by electing to go with the greatest film of all time, 1991′s “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.”

            Let’s see if either one will claim the grand prize, a metric ton of stuffed animals!

            Oh no! It seems the correct answer is the 1981 animated film “Heavy Metal,” which was lampooned in a not-so-recent episode of the TV series “South Park.”

            Well, Chris’ answer was certainly much closer then Janice’s so he shan’t be punished. Janice, however, must now paint her face to resemble Spider-man’s mask, attach suction cups to her fingers, go to work and sign the ”Spider-man” theme song to the first customer she encouters. So says the Scene of Mystery rule book!

            Off to the Beard of the Day! Today marks the beginning of “Beatles Week,” here on Beard of the Day. Let the invasion commence!

This man played the guitar and split the lead singer duties during his tenure with The Beatles. He also went on to have some success after the band broke up. Of course by some I mean a tremendous amount. He remains one of the most beloved musicians of all time, ladies and gentlemen the "John Lennon!"

Let us begin with the answer to Friday’s Scene of Mystery.

            And the answer is “Commando,” the glorious 1985 film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, a little girl, several dozen disposable henchmen and that deer.

             Sadly, there were no winner from last week so the grand prize of $10,000 worth of Janice Redington’s stuffed animals remains unclaimed once again.

            Some of last week’s guessers were quite close and thusly shall go unpunished. Bryan guessed “Suburban Commando,” which has almost the exact same title as the correct answer save for one extra word. Chris tried “War and Peace,” which was incorrect, but since those are two of the central themes in “Commando,” he too escapes punishment. Janice incorrectly guessed”Terminator 2″ once again. Since Janice picked the wrong Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, she will be doubly punished as per section 7890 of the Scene of Mystery Rule Book, affectionately dubbed the “Austrian Muscle Man Clause.”

            This clause states that ”in the event that a guesser should name an incorrect Arnold Schwarzengger when the correct answer is in fact a different Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, said guesser must spend the first Thursday of the next calender month watching every film Schwarzenegger ever made and then must write a 20,000  word essay on why he is the man.

            And for her incorrect and completly unrelated guess, Janice must also donate 600 metric tons of popcorn to the Post Collegiate Apocalypse staff. Such are the dangers of an incorrect and totally unrelatable guess at the Scene of Mystery!

            On to the Beard of the Day!   

When this man tells you to get on board his tiny, wooden airplane, you darn well better do it. Ladies and gentlemen, the "Mr. Burns!"

             That’s all for today! Vaya con dios!

Image Credits: Burnsy

Last night I was fortunate enough to attend the Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers concert at the Wachovie-Fargo Union Center with my parents and a business associate. The show was absolutely fantastic as is usually the case with Petty. One of the more interesting things about seeing a group of legends like that is the crowd. You get a fascinating mix of small children, drunken frat boys, stoned grandparents and everything in between. It’s like a model UN club only with generations instead of countries. A rare blend, but it was very cool.                

            That brings me to the point of this entry. The Top Ten Tom Petty Tunes of All Time!

            My friends, my time working for The Quad taught me a great many valuable life lessons, many of which I hope to one day pass on to my children or cats. Whichever one really, it doesn’t matter. The greatest of these lessons was to be wary of top ten lists because you can never please everyone. There’s just something about ranking things that seems to make people furious.

            My associate Christopher over at The Foot said “haters be darned” and did a whole kick-ass business week of lists regarding his boy Joss Whedon. He’s a braver man than I am, however. That is why I will NOT be responsible for this list. No sir. My longtime collaborator Drake Stone will be ranking his favorite Petty tunes from 10 to 1.

            You may remember Drake Stone from his ill-fated bids for the governorship of Maine, Pennsylvania and Utah. Naturally, running for governor in three states at the same time posed a wide range of problems that he didn’t anticipate and he lost all three races. He managed a grand total of one vote. Apparently, he misunderstood the process and thought that the vote he cast for himself in Pennsylvania would count in all three states.

            It didn’t.                      

            Stone soon left politics and began a successful career as a movie producer. His credits include “The World’s Worst Roommate” series and “Viva La Burger King.” Currently, Stone is working on filming a real time version of the 100 Years War. A passionate fan of the show “24,” Stone has so far managed to film the first 37 minutes of the war.

            The exorbitant cost of this project is being covered by Hector Bellwether, one of the eccentric billionaires whose lives were depicted in the documentary film series, “The Eccentric Billionaires.”

            Stone is aware of music, but claims that he is violently allergic to it. You can leave him your complaints regarding the list in the comment section, but he won’t read them. This is because in 2007, Drake Stone became the first person to ever receive a lifetime ban from the internet. This is his list as it was told to me.

10.) Into The Great Wide Open

Keep your eyes peeled for a certain young Capt. Jack Sparrow.

9.) I Won’t Back Down

8.) You Don’t Know How It Feels

7.) Running Down A Dream

6.) Mary Jane’s Last Dance

5.) Learning To Fly

4.) The Waiting

3.) Free Fallin’

2.) American Girl

1.) Don’t Come Around Here No More

            There you have it. The Top 10 Tom Petty Tunes of All Time as Picked by Drake Stone! Now for the answer to Friday’s Scene of Mystery!

            This week’s Scene of Mystery came from “Artic Tale!” There were no winners this week despite the fact that the PCA offices were literally inundated with TWO guesses. Janice surprisingly guessed “Terminator 2″ again and was wrong once again. She will never learn. In addition to the Koo Aid packets she still owes me from last week, she now owes me 100 pounds of Neopolitan Ice Cream. Christopher guessed “The Country Bears,” which was also incorrect BUT he will not be penalized because he at least guessed an answer that featured bears. So go the rules of Scene of Mystery. 

            Finally, it’s time for a brand new Beard of the Day!

Could it be anyone other than the man who rocked the Wells-chovia Union States Center last night? Ladies and gentlemen, the "Tom Petty."

            That’s all for today chickadees. Vaya con dios.

*As Picked by Drake Stone.

Image Credits: Petty