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Random Musings from the Entertainment Desk

Weekend Box Office Round Up

Oh wow. Tyler Perry’s latest fat suit romp finished in the top spot. I never would have guessed. So exciting.

James Bond wore a fancy suit and had a license to kill. Tyler Perry wears a fat suit and has a license to print money. Bond wins. By a lot.

How was that? Was it believable at all? No? Drats. See, I’m working on becoming a better dramatic actor so that I can find some work following graduation. Now, I know what your asking yourself— Collin, aren’t you an English major? My first answer to that would be: “there’s one ‘l’ in Colin! Get it right!” And then I would power bomb you through a table.

My God! McGlincey, I mean McGlinchey just broke you in half!

Once we put all of that unpleasantness behind us, I would go on to explain that as an English major, I need to keep my options open. I’m taking any job I can get once I leave West Chester whether it is in my field or not.

Incidentally, if anyone out there knows of any janitorial positions that will be opening up around June— holla at me!

What the heck was all that about? Where were we? Oh right! Tyler Perry. In my last entry I correctly named “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” my “Super Ultra Mega Lock of the Millennia” or something to that effect.

Coincidentally, this is the second time this year that one of TP’s films reigned supreme at the box office. Earlier this year “Madea Goes to Jail” claimed the top spot, though that film made about $41 million. Perhaps audiences are finally growing tired of seeing TP in a fat suit? Fingers crossed!

Let’s take a look at the big chart to see how last weeks other three new releases faired.

Courtesy of boxofficemojo.com

Slow weekend, but hey it is September after all. Or Dump-tember as I like to call it. Ha-ha. Yup, it’s that type of wit, in addition to my English degree, that’s going to rocket me to that Asst. Manager Position at Chick-fil-a.

Who am I kidding? I don’t have what it takes to be an Asst. Manager. Sad face.

Looks like “9” did alright for itself, though it is currently the second most successful movie of the year featuring the number nine. How about “District 9” still holding strong in the top ten? Not sure how the musical “Nine” will fair later on this year, but stay tuned.

So far the aliens are beating the puppets. We'll see how the musical factors into all of this...

Anyway, the decent performance of “9” has made me 2-2 so far in my first week back in picks. Can I go 3-3?

“Inglourious Basterds!” To quote the noted philosopher Ron Burgundy: “I’m not even mad! I’m impressed. That’s amazing!” Of course he was referring to a dog eating an entire wheel of cheese, but I still think the quote applies. If all goes according to plan, next week “Basterds” will become Quentin Taratino’s highest grossing film ever, topping the $108 million that “Pulp Fiction” made way back in the 90’s.

These guys will NOT be pleased if Brad Pitt and the guy from "The Office" finish ahead of them. No sir...

Audiences seemed split on the weekend’s two new thrillers, as “Sorority Row” and “Whiteout” made almost the same amount of money. I get the impression that there were more then a few genre fans out there pulling double features, though it seems that the sorority girls eked out a win over her British-ness Kate Beckinsale.

For those of you keeping score at home: cookie cutter sorority girls > Kate Beckinsale- British accent.

Here’s another formula that may interest you: Kate Beckinsale + British accent + Kate Winslett > Godzilla + Mothra + Rodan + sorority girls.

I just thought of this--- there have been THREE movies this year with the number 9 in the title, yet none of them have been about cats! What's the deal with that? Though "District 9" DID mention cat food. Interesting...

The more you know.

Picks:

This Week: 2 for 3

Overall: 7 for 12

Super Duper Pickeroni of the Century: 1 for 1

Vaya con dios.

Random Musings from the Entertainment Desk

Box Office Roundup

            Happy Labor Day to all!!

            So, did I mention I recently went back to school? How about the return of the in-print Quad? I did? Hmmm…

            Last week I was abducted by aliens. It’s not something that I really wanted to bring up, but I feel as though I must. I can’t have you thinking I abandoned you for no good reason.

Heey! That's one of the guys who abducted me!

            Did I mention that the aliens didn’t have a wireless internet connection? Ok, just wanted to get that out there as well, because I had this all typed up but couldn’t post it due to the aforementioned technological problems.

            Yup, I had a tough week. Shower me in your sympathies please, though from the looks of this chart it seems that movie goers out there had a bit of a tough week as well.

Courtesy of boxofficemojo.com

            Boy oh boy. “The Final Final Destination” number one again? Who would have thought? Realistically speaking— is there anyway that this is truly “The Final Final Destination?” My prediction: by this time next year we will be subjected to “The Really Final Destination,” or even better “The Final Destination Begins.”

The Grim Reaper backed out of "The Final Destination" due to creative differences...

            Ah Hollywood.

            Looks like Quentin Tarantino’s got himself a hit on his hands! Niice! The latest movie that I proclaimed “the best film of the year,” “Inglourious Basterds” is now the second highest grossing Tarantino creation of all time. It only trails “Pulp Ficton” by about $17 million so it seems likely that it may just become numero uno in the weeks ahead.

            So, audiences were more then happy to spend some time watching teens getting the ax in 3-D and Brad Pitt killin’ Nazis. It seems that they were less receptive to change this week as each new film failed to find footing.

            “All About Steve” starring Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper was the best of a bad lot, while the massively gimmicky, Gerard Butler vehicle “Gamer” finished just behind that, with the Mike Judge comedy “Extract” pulling up the rear.

Does anyone else have this problem? Just me? Really?

            Anyone who knows Mike Judge movies shouldn’t really be surprised by this as his breakthrough film “Office Space” was a colossal disappointment on both the big and the small screen before being resurrected by Comedy Central. I can honestly say that even though I’ve seen it maybe a dozen times, I’ve never seen it uncensored. 

            I must say I enjoy watching Rob Zombie’s latest abomination— “Halloween II” spinning its tires. Can we please stop giving him money to make “movies” now? Please?  

Rob Zombie's contribution to "Saw VI"--- "I'm either making another movie or another album... you decide..."

            Well, I promise to try and get my predictions back on track. I really have no excuse— outside of the alien thing— not to do them as I have no class on Thursdays. Barring any extraterrestrial interference, you will have them this week.

            *^#; -+-^&  which of course means vaya con dios in alien.

Random Musings from the Entertainment Desk

Weekend Box Office Round Up

            Well, well,well. Look at my big surprised face, and I say that without a single drop of sarcasm. Not one drop.

            Never in a million years would I have predicted that “The Final, Final” Destination” would top the latest Rob Zombie-directed train wreck.

Subtle... very subtle.

            Oh, right. Predictions. Yeah, see about that. I have a decent excuse for missing my last blog entry— other then conveniently avoiding a darn confounding weekend of new releases— its back to school time and I spent most of Friday preparing myself for the big return to WCU and also the return of the in-print version of The Quad.

            So there, I wasn’t totally shirking my responsibility to you, my prettys. I would never abandon you without a really good excuse. I wouldn’t abandon you, but there is a decent chance that I would forget. A VERY decent chance. I forget lots of things. Like the point of this entry for example. Oh, right!

Courtesy of joblo.com

            First off, a big shake of the head to boxofficemojo.com, the site where I usually pull the numbers from. It appears to have crashed or vanished or whatever it is that websites do when they don’t work.

I warned you it would be a big head shake

            Maybe it’s on vacation. Can’t websites go on vacation? I have no idea. See, I forgot the point again.

            Excuse me for one second.

            I’m back. I just needed to take a minute to do a jig on the grave of “Halloween II” which can now be pronounced BOTH a critical AND a commercial failure. Thank god! Check out my decidedly negative review over at wcuquad.com, by the way.

Get it? Soul Asylum! They had that album called "Grave Dancers Union!" Oh nevermind...

            The critical failure part was a slam dunk, but I am proud to see the commercial bit. Though, in a move that would make Gary Bettman proud, the Weinsteins (who produced the film) are already planning yet another sequel.

            Yup, just because something failed twice, there’s no reason not to try a third time. Brilliant. And Phoenix is actually a hockey town disguised as a desert.

Kind makes you want to play hockey doesn't it?

            According to my sources, the next “Halloween” film will be in 3-D. You know what other movie was in 3-D?

            “The Final Final Final Destination!” Coincidence? I guess cool effects and no story trump no effects or story.

            Aspiring filmmakers take heed!

            How about some props for my boy Quentin Tarantino? His latest, “Inglourious Basterds,”— the film I proclaimed as the best movie of the year— didn’t do too shabby for itself. It already made back its reported $70 million budget and it was a smash hit with critics. I’ve said it before, but it feels good to see quality get rewarded.

            I’m also pleased to see “District 9” chugging along in the top five. A sequel is reportedly on the way, which I await eagerly. There is definitely more story left to tell here, but not in a lame “Matrix” cliffhanger type way.

            That’s about it as my prediction rankings stay unchanged until I mess up this next weekend— which I am sure to do.

            Until that time— vaya con dios.

Random Musings from the Entertainment Desk

Box Office Round-up

            Ugh!

            I knew this was going to happen! Gone is my sterling 5 for 6 record in picks. It has been replaced with a tarnished 5 for 9.

            That said, I’m not really that upset because my favorite movie of the year finished in the top spot!

            That’s right “The Collector” capped off perhaps the greatest cinematic comeback story since “Rocky Balboa” and … oh wait. I’m sorry. I’ve confused myself.

It's the job o' the collector, it's the thrill of the trap...

            What I meant to say was my favorite movie of the year, Quentin Tarantino’s “Inglourious Basterds,” took the top spot.

No Quentin! Put the gun away! This one was a hit with both critics and at the box office! I know, now give that gun back to the producers of "The Collector" and give me a hug...

            Now, I saw this puppy on Friday night and the theater was absolutely packed. It was then that I knew I would not be looking at another dandy week as far as my picks were concerned.

            Oh well, I can live with that. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed Quentin Tarantino’s sixth film and if anything had to sink my prognostication streak, I’m happy it was this. Best of all, in addition to being Tarantino’s biggest opening weekend ever, it was also a critical smash, sitting pretty at 87% on rottentomatoes.com. 

            All that malarkey aside, let’s take us a look at the chart, shall we?   

Courtesy of Boxofficemojo.com 

            Who would have thought “G.I. Joe” would hang on to a top three spot? I suppose we have a weak showing from the weekend’s other new releases, “Shorts” and “Post Grad.”

            Interesting tidbit: “Shorts” was directed by Robert Rodriguez, who directed the “Planet Terror” half of “Grindhouse.” What about the other half you ask?

            Well, that just happened to be Quentin Tarantino’s “Death Proof.” It seems that these two guys are attached at the hip, even when they aren’t trying to be.

Ahh... a bromance made in Hollywood heaven.

            I blame the failure of “Post Grad” on the fact that it starred the “other Gilmore Girl.” Put Lauren Graham in it and people would go see it.

            Well, I might anyway.

She was the best part of "The Gilmore Girl." Wait, what? "Girls" What do you mean there were TWO?

            Just because she’s a tiny bit older then your average recent college graduate is no reason not to cast her. You’re not prejudiced are you?

            What happened to the ladies? You guys were supposed to help me out! Sure “Julie & Julie” and “The Time Traveler’s Wife” did solid business, but it wasn’t enough for me!

Box Office Prognostication Stats

Last Week: 0-3 (0%)

Total 5-9 (55.6%)

        Better luck to me next week, other wise I may have to turn in my big predictin’ hat. Vaya con dios.

Random Musings from the Entertainment Desk

Box Office Round-up

           Well call me Criswell.

I predict that man will colonize Mars by the year 2002, but it will all be for not as Michael Bay will destroy the entire planet by 2003...

            Looks like I went 3/3 in picks this past week, dragging my overall record up to 5/6.

            I would be perfect too if it wasn’t for those meddling guinea pigs of “G-Force.”

            Oh well, that’s in the past, and I’m not one to hold grudges— except for you Sidney Crosby, always you— so lets try and focus on this week’s chart.

Courtesy of boxofficemojo.com

            B-e-a-utiful! “District 9″ is thus far the best movie of the summer and it deserves to hold that top spot.

            Taking into account the fact that the biggest name involved with the film is producer Peter Jackson, finishing first is darn impressive. Also, the near 90% that it scored on rottentomatoes.com will hopefully translate into some legs for this big movie trapped inside a little movie’s body.

The opposite of this sign was posted outside theaters showing "The Collector," which contributed to its poor box office performance...

            Also, considering it only cost $30 million to make and it looks absolutely gorgeous, one is left wondering just how Michael Bay spent that “Transformers 2″ budget.

            I didn’t realize that shooting an entire movie in slow motion cost that much…hmm. Learn something new everyday.

             Thanks to mostly negative reviews, “G.I. Joe” pretty much rolled over and died this past weekend, losing almost 60% of its audience from last week.

            Once again the ladies made their voices heard, as “Time Traveler’s Wife” and “Julie and Julia” each made decent money, though honestly, ladies, go take a trip out to see “D-9.”

            You won’t regret it.

            Sadly, it doesn’t seem that audiences were that interested in buying what Jeremy Piven was selling in “The Goods,” though I’m not really sure what the expectations for this “R” rated diddy were. Maybe the sixth spot is actually a pleasant surprise.

            Lastly, something called “Ponyo” finished in the nine spot. From what I’m to understand this is an anime version of “Little Mermaid” which means that I won’t be seeing it.

            Not a fan of the anime folks, no matter how good it is. Sorry.

            All that said, congrats to this thing for finishing in the nine spot. I didn’t see a single advertisement for it, but apparently some people out there did and were happy to fork over their hard earned cash on it.

            Alright, that’s about it. Let’s see if my uncanny picking streak continues for another week.

            My prediction: Nope.

I predict that "Inglourious Basterds" will be a rollicking, bloody good time!!

            I tend to lean a bit towards the pessimistic when I’m concerned.

            Vaya con dios.

Random Musings from the Entertainment Desk

Box Office Round-up

Well, I went 2 for 3 in my predictions last week. I fell into a trap as old as time, made a mistake that millions, if not billions of people have made throughout the course of history.

I underestimated guinea pigs.

Sure. They look cute NOW. Just wait until they start using some of that government training against you...

I know, I know. How could I be so stupid to think that a gaggle of love struck Brits in funny robes would best a crack team of highly trained rodents that also happen to be government operatives?

Still, I’m pleased with going 2 for 3.

I’m also pleased to announce that “The Collector” has been nearly banished totally from our sights here on the “Box Office Round- Up.” It made barely over a million bucks in its second week out.

Yeehaw everybody.

Courtesy of Boxofficemojo.com

I wonder how many women jumped into “Julie and Julia” to avoid having to go see “G.I. Joe” and I further wonder just how many men jumped into that to avoid “Julie and Julia?”

Theaters showing "G.I. Joe" were marked with the sign on top. Theaters showing "Julie and Julia" used the one on the bottom.

I may have gone to see “G-Force” just to avoid both of them, but then again, I may just consider watching “J+J.” When it comes to Netflix that is.

Ahh the majesty of Netflix.

Sadly, the bottom dropped out of “Funny People” like a wet paper bag full of unsold tickets to “The Collector.” Yikes.

It would appear that audiences want more than just the funny when it comes to a drama-dy. Mr. Apatow has learned a valuable lesson— don’t promise people cake and give them pie.

I think that’s how WWI started actually.

A wide release finally got the exceedingly charming “(500) Days of Summer” into the top ten, which is nice to see. So far it holds the title of my favorite movie of the summer, but remember what I said last week in regards to bragging about being the tannest McGlinchey.

Me and my kitty Whiskers

Yup, not worth writing home about, quite yet.

Congrats to “G.I. Joe” and it’s nice to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt bookending the top 10.

I’m a fan.

Vaya con dios.